music always says it right
At the end of the day I realize how maybe its a good thing I dont know the reason for everything. I dont know why things happen they way they do, how everything chain-reacts, why things hurt like they do. And I want to keep it that way. Who knows, maybe this is one of those 'happened for a reason' instances that God intended. Its true that you never let it consume you, yet it is good to feel pain... it keeps you alive.
Its funny how when in the moments when you least expect it shards of memories strike you. Little things that people said...All these shattered shards that make up the person that is me. I will not let my life slip away, and I will not break under the possible burden of mundane life, because I know me enough to make the right decisions. It really is all about having the faith in yourself to do it all though. I truly do thank you God for everything. For the happiness, sadness and apathy inside of me...
Temporary, everything is temporary. As for now I really am trapped inside my mind. My version of a padded cell. It is a miracle how another persons words can have that sense or purity we all long for. Times like this that helpless and frail feeling consumes you, the emotions of letting go and giving up on everything around you including yourself. You get that urge to run, to get away. To crawl into a hole and stay there for every moment of sunshine for longer that you imagine. Its times like these when my hole becomes my bed, and I just sink into lyrics and words for hours. The various shades of red shadows that the light casts around me become my trusted friends and dearest enemies. It seems I am a saddened soul with only a numbered couple who I care about enough for them to care back, the ones you spend time with so you can smile. One of them being a state away who leaves messages on your machine saying "I miss my sister"...
It will make your heart break.
"Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight...
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees"
Its funny how when in the moments when you least expect it shards of memories strike you. Little things that people said...All these shattered shards that make up the person that is me. I will not let my life slip away, and I will not break under the possible burden of mundane life, because I know me enough to make the right decisions. It really is all about having the faith in yourself to do it all though. I truly do thank you God for everything. For the happiness, sadness and apathy inside of me...
Temporary, everything is temporary. As for now I really am trapped inside my mind. My version of a padded cell. It is a miracle how another persons words can have that sense or purity we all long for. Times like this that helpless and frail feeling consumes you, the emotions of letting go and giving up on everything around you including yourself. You get that urge to run, to get away. To crawl into a hole and stay there for every moment of sunshine for longer that you imagine. Its times like these when my hole becomes my bed, and I just sink into lyrics and words for hours. The various shades of red shadows that the light casts around me become my trusted friends and dearest enemies. It seems I am a saddened soul with only a numbered couple who I care about enough for them to care back, the ones you spend time with so you can smile. One of them being a state away who leaves messages on your machine saying "I miss my sister"...
It will make your heart break.
"Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight...
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees"