(no subject)
Blah, yes blah i think that sums it all up. These last two weeks have sucked and they arent getting any better. I wish it would all stop and go back to normal. Normal, when Simon and I were fine, when we werent both trying to figure out if things were going to be ok between us. Normal, when he wasnt leaving for smelly Europe for a month, changing all OUR summer plans It sucks, I know why he has to go but at the same time I can't/ don't want to/ wont except it. I was so use to being the most important thing in his whole life, the thing he thought of first, the one he couldn't live without Has it all change or am I just being biased? Unreasonable unfair? I hate upseting him speacialy at a time like this. When we need to stick together, when he really needs me to be strong. Why do I have to be so freaking incompitant, why do I have to be so bad for him, why can't I be good enough for him? Do all the wonderful things he has done for me.... be there for him like he has been there for me? I want to be good enough, I want it all to be the same again. I dont wnat to have to face a summer without him.... I dont know how to do anything without him anymore. Nothing... he has been my rock for so long, the one person I always could count on. I know that it would be good to learn to spend time apart it could potentially help us build an even stronger bond.. but why does it have to be for so long, and so far away? Its not even like if I really needed him or if I ended up in the hospital that he would even be able to come back to me, to be with me. What if something goes wrong? I wanted him to be with me at the hospital when my mom had her baby, I wanted to see so many, movies with hi, I wanted this to be a great summer together, cause I actually live in town now... he wouldnt have had to travel by bus for half an hour to see me. I am just across town, thats it... I could have seen him so much! But now... no he will be hours away across an ocean, in a different country, on a different contenant (spelt wrong). How am I going to do this, who will give me the stregnth he gives me while he is gone, who will support me? Why do I have to depend on him so much? Why does he have to go? ....WHY...?