Yeah The Hair Cut's Hot
Title: Cornish Pasty
Author: lil' ole me
Fandom: n/a (unless fairy tale parodys count as a fandom?)
Characters: Various cutlery and Cornish Pasty ingredients (this will all make sense shortly, I promise. Or it should anyway *shifty eyes*)
Pairings: (wait for it) Princess Mutton/Sir Spork.... I should have just put n/a! :P
Rating: E
Summary: All is well in the Potato Village - or is it?
A/N: Right, me thinks I have some explaining to do! A while back my AS Englanuage class were given the task of tranforming a Cornish Pasty reciepe into anything we wanted. I went for fairy tale parody, because a horror story would be too easy (and my Ma kept suggesting these really demented ideas, I was a wee bit scared!). I found it a few days back and wanted to share it, cos it's silly and should *hopefully* makes you laugh :P So yeah, let me know what you think! Also, if you have a better title?
Cornish Pasty
Once upon a time there lived, on the Cornish coast, the beautiful princess of the vegetarian lamb steaks. Her magnificent, short-crust pastry castle over looked Potato village where all the vegetables and herbs lived.
The castle had been made decades ago by the Rolling Men. They acquired the building pastry an hour after it had been made, so the pastry had had time to cool. Then they rolled it flat and shaped it like a giant Cornish pasty. Once the structure was done they added the decorative touches and glazed with milk to make it golden brown.
One day, the princess - Princess Mutton - decided that she and her two bodyguards, Salt and Pepper, would take a walk around Potato village. The baby carrots played merrily on the streets, diving in and out of the princess’s feet despite the fact Salt and Pepper tried to deter their spirits. Princess Mutton laughed at the mischievous grins on the little carrot’s faces, her laugh almost as fair as she was. Even the grumpy old onions managed a smile when she walked past.
The Parsley ladies hung their washing on the line, while chatting to the other fresh herbs over the potato fences that separated their plots. Life in the village was good.
That night was the village Summer Fayre, everyone was invited. All except the Wicked Knives of the Cutter’s Block. Every year since the beginning of the Vegetable Plot, the Wicked Knives of the Cutter’s Block had tried to chop the village up into equal sized chunks, though they had never once been successful.
The festivities had just got into full swing; the atmosphere had been moderately hot for at least one hour. The vegetable people were dancing around the gas oven fire singing folk songs about the many triumphs over the Wicked Knives of the Cutter’s Block.
Suddenly there came a loud thud, like metal on wood. The potato houses shook with each thud, filling each baby carrot with fear. Before anyone could hide, screams resounded through the air signifying the Knives were coming.
“Everybody hide!” Salt screamed as he covered the princess.
“Take cover!” Pepper shrieked as he did the same as Salt.
What was once a happy, relatively calm gathering was now just a mass of chaos. Knives cascaded down on the party, slicing the potato houses in half, catching a few vegetables at the same time. The Knives went about their cruel ways, chopping the houses not caring who or what got in the way; each little piece the same size.
“Who will save us?” The herbs cried.
“Who will send these sharp beasts away?” The carrots wailed. Pieces of onions and leaves of herbs flew into the mix of potatoes as tears streamed down princess Mutton’s cheeks.
Somehow in the madness, Salt and Pepper got pulled away from the princess leaving her vulnerable to the Knives’ wrath. The giant Meat Cleaver, the leader of the Knives of the Cutter’s Block, cornered her by the remains of the Potato Town Hall. It drew ever closer to her, teasing her with little leaps forward which, on occasions, cut her leaving little scratches.
The princess sobbed, feeling every bit the damsel in distress, and closed her eyes tight waiting for it to be over. While they were closed she heard a chinking sound, like colliding metal. Prising one eye open, she saw her Knight in Shining Cutlery, Sir Spork. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw him defeat the Meat Cleaver, which in turn sent the Knives running, their handles between their blades.
The Knight leaped over to the princess and pulled her into an embrace, though things were far from over. Potato Village was in ruins, many vegetables injured and they had no where to go. The princess cried to her Knight, telling him it was all over for her village.
He wiped away a tear with his forked fingers. “All is not lost my dear Princess Mutton, for you are forgetting your stronghold. We can all take refuge in the Pasty Castle, it’s a deep fill pie.”
A smile spread across her face as Sir Spork directed the wounded and healthy vegetables to the castle, the herbs, Salt and Pepper close behind them. Then he took princess Mutton by the hand and led her to the Pasty Castle where they all lived happily ever after.
On another note - another piece of homework set by my English Language teacher is going to be published in a Young Writer's Anthology! *squee* We were told to write mini sagas (half drabbles) - I wrote four... - and then she was like, "WHo has their mini sagas? I want to send them off." So I was like *scribble them down* and one has been picked! I was well chuffed :P
Author: lil' ole me
Fandom: n/a (unless fairy tale parodys count as a fandom?)
Characters: Various cutlery and Cornish Pasty ingredients (this will all make sense shortly, I promise. Or it should anyway *shifty eyes*)
Pairings: (wait for it) Princess Mutton/Sir Spork.... I should have just put n/a! :P
Rating: E
Summary: All is well in the Potato Village - or is it?
A/N: Right, me thinks I have some explaining to do! A while back my AS Englanuage class were given the task of tranforming a Cornish Pasty reciepe into anything we wanted. I went for fairy tale parody, because a horror story would be too easy (and my Ma kept suggesting these really demented ideas, I was a wee bit scared!). I found it a few days back and wanted to share it, cos it's silly and should *hopefully* makes you laugh :P So yeah, let me know what you think! Also, if you have a better title?
Cornish Pasty
Once upon a time there lived, on the Cornish coast, the beautiful princess of the vegetarian lamb steaks. Her magnificent, short-crust pastry castle over looked Potato village where all the vegetables and herbs lived.
The castle had been made decades ago by the Rolling Men. They acquired the building pastry an hour after it had been made, so the pastry had had time to cool. Then they rolled it flat and shaped it like a giant Cornish pasty. Once the structure was done they added the decorative touches and glazed with milk to make it golden brown.
One day, the princess - Princess Mutton - decided that she and her two bodyguards, Salt and Pepper, would take a walk around Potato village. The baby carrots played merrily on the streets, diving in and out of the princess’s feet despite the fact Salt and Pepper tried to deter their spirits. Princess Mutton laughed at the mischievous grins on the little carrot’s faces, her laugh almost as fair as she was. Even the grumpy old onions managed a smile when she walked past.
The Parsley ladies hung their washing on the line, while chatting to the other fresh herbs over the potato fences that separated their plots. Life in the village was good.
That night was the village Summer Fayre, everyone was invited. All except the Wicked Knives of the Cutter’s Block. Every year since the beginning of the Vegetable Plot, the Wicked Knives of the Cutter’s Block had tried to chop the village up into equal sized chunks, though they had never once been successful.
The festivities had just got into full swing; the atmosphere had been moderately hot for at least one hour. The vegetable people were dancing around the gas oven fire singing folk songs about the many triumphs over the Wicked Knives of the Cutter’s Block.
Suddenly there came a loud thud, like metal on wood. The potato houses shook with each thud, filling each baby carrot with fear. Before anyone could hide, screams resounded through the air signifying the Knives were coming.
“Everybody hide!” Salt screamed as he covered the princess.
“Take cover!” Pepper shrieked as he did the same as Salt.
What was once a happy, relatively calm gathering was now just a mass of chaos. Knives cascaded down on the party, slicing the potato houses in half, catching a few vegetables at the same time. The Knives went about their cruel ways, chopping the houses not caring who or what got in the way; each little piece the same size.
“Who will save us?” The herbs cried.
“Who will send these sharp beasts away?” The carrots wailed. Pieces of onions and leaves of herbs flew into the mix of potatoes as tears streamed down princess Mutton’s cheeks.
Somehow in the madness, Salt and Pepper got pulled away from the princess leaving her vulnerable to the Knives’ wrath. The giant Meat Cleaver, the leader of the Knives of the Cutter’s Block, cornered her by the remains of the Potato Town Hall. It drew ever closer to her, teasing her with little leaps forward which, on occasions, cut her leaving little scratches.
The princess sobbed, feeling every bit the damsel in distress, and closed her eyes tight waiting for it to be over. While they were closed she heard a chinking sound, like colliding metal. Prising one eye open, she saw her Knight in Shining Cutlery, Sir Spork. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw him defeat the Meat Cleaver, which in turn sent the Knives running, their handles between their blades.
The Knight leaped over to the princess and pulled her into an embrace, though things were far from over. Potato Village was in ruins, many vegetables injured and they had no where to go. The princess cried to her Knight, telling him it was all over for her village.
He wiped away a tear with his forked fingers. “All is not lost my dear Princess Mutton, for you are forgetting your stronghold. We can all take refuge in the Pasty Castle, it’s a deep fill pie.”
A smile spread across her face as Sir Spork directed the wounded and healthy vegetables to the castle, the herbs, Salt and Pepper close behind them. Then he took princess Mutton by the hand and led her to the Pasty Castle where they all lived happily ever after.
On another note - another piece of homework set by my English Language teacher is going to be published in a Young Writer's Anthology! *squee* We were told to write mini sagas (half drabbles) - I wrote four... - and then she was like, "WHo has their mini sagas? I want to send them off." So I was like *scribble them down* and one has been picked! I was well chuffed :P