I somewhat wasted two days : D
On going to a field trip i kinda sorta didn't want to go to.
But it was intresting.
The first day was boring as shit,and people weren't too pleased.
Especially Chris flipping out on me and most defintatly Liz.
But today was kinda a mess,it was fun but kinda hurtful.
We finally got to the acting workshop.
And we were put into this situation where we have this script.
And acting it out.
Chris & Catherine got the same script as me and Allahia.
And i knew that since Chris has a female actress with him there is going to be some touchy touchy feely feely
kind of thing going on. I didnt mind it too much until he started holding and touching her the same way he did with me. Like i mean i shouldn't get upset i really didn't intend on doing it i was testing myself,but this also tested me
that i can't see myself with anyone else and it would kill me to see him with someone else. But i played it off by being
somewhat mean to him but i wasn't trying to hurt him or treat him like shit cause in the end it turned out that way.
But i most definatly made him get upset with the "We can't hold hands in public".
Now that came off harsh,im not ashamed of who im dating im just trying to be respectful,because i don't
want me teacher getting pissed at me,and Chris takes it to a complete diffrent level.
And ignoring me and pushing me away when i tried to say something to him on the bus.
So hey i felt like an ass,and he walked away from me completely and ignored my calls.
It just hurts,And Chris should get a hint that Ms.Gittings doesn't like us working together since we're a couple.
She made it clear today when we almost partnered up and she was like "no !" so ..
I don't know i never mean to hurt Chris,He won't answer any of my calls or IM's
Im just .. i guess this really shows in a way that i can be jealous.
But not intentionally it just happens.
That reminds me: Jealousy & Anger
I wish Chris can realize that when i get that way i don't mean to do it.
I've been in relationships where a guy doesn't really speak his mind about another girl
Cept for Cody & Chris. And it makes me wonder sometimes if those girls are so hott what are they doing with me?
type of thing, i don't care too much for Cody's opinion he's not that great looking.
But Chris is fucking handsome as hell and i mean what girl wouldn't want him ?
And i get scared cause i could possibly lose him for some girl that has everything i don't have.
But he hasn't because i realize these things cause if he did want that he would have left me dumbass
a long time ago.
I like looking good for him but he never compliments me i always have to ask him without him saying
something first. I just have self-esteem issues and he's not helping me by doing stuff like that.
But i know that im pushing him away from things like that and i don't want that,we keep pushing each other
away little by little and i want that to stop. But i don't know,damn im about to cry.
Im really really in love with Chris,that its so deep it brings me to tears everytime i think im ever going to lose him.
:[
I have alot more to think about..