Hartstrings
So this week has been extremely busy, and it hasn't even stopped yet. I am grateful that I even have two jobs now as we speak, despite the fact that next week is my last week at BBW. I really can't handle two jobs while going to school. And I'm super duper excited to see what is in stored cause I am in principle now for voice.
So yesterday I started my first day with Hartstrings, yesterday, and it is so confusing to get a hold of sizes for children. This surely is not lotions and shower gel. Who created these sizes for children?! It's hard to understand and grasp the fact that at some point in all of our lives, we were wearing those sizes.
So I would continue to talk about this, but something about Hartstrings and I are going to have some problems. The music. The music that they play in there, I'm pretty sure I am going to shoot the speakers out today when I go in. Every. single. song. is. reminds.me.of.them.
I really hate it. Jason Mraz, that a thousand years chick, just fucking, everything. I was distracted for most of the my day there, since I was there from 1:30p-10. I was there long enough that the last song we played was Jason Mraz. I have to endure another day of it, and I must suck it up cause it just really isn't fair. It's like the universe doesn't want me to move forward. I've been good to myself by staying away from their blogs. Cause I know I will cause unwanted grief to myself, and I just simply don't need that. This is why I hate time away from school, cause then I feelings will get to me, and I want to just drown myself. It isn't a good feeling.
I think Chris thinks we got off on good terms..we clearly didn't. Those text messages are still in my phone, but no picture to go with it. I decided it was best to delete their numbers and not be tempted to call either party. If he thinks this is the right road, then so be it. I obviously was really upset from my last post, cause it was all the anger and frustration that came with the fact that he was going to step right out of my life, like it was that simple. The very last things I saw from his blog was he was ready to love again. Did you ever love to begin with? He decided to delete me off of facebook, and apparently I was still subscribed to his page, that the first thing I saw in big bright cold letters was, "Chris Roche and Allahia McAdams are in a relationship"
I left the living room, went into my room, and was on the floor, crying, screaming, couldn't even breath, my heart racing a million beats a second. Typing it makes me feel extremely sick. It wasn't the fact that I lost him, it was the nastiness and that ensue from people. I'm not sure if it was my karma, cause I knew it would come around for even sleeping with him while he is taken. It hurt to type that..anyway, there are so many things that are going through my mind that I need to let go off. This month needs to be over. It's going great due to school, and I am in school from 9-6 at night mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays. But that won't stop the next 4 days of thoughts to come through. Cause at work you can get away with daydreaming.
I am honestly on a road to forgiveness. Cause if I walk around with hate in my heart, it will completely destroy me. I've already been destroyed, but I don't know what it feels like to be myself again after something so dramatic happened. I feel like I'm living a fucking nightmare.
We'll see how the rest of my month goes, and how strong I am to withstand looking at anything that remotely reminds me of them, but then I need to, (not their blogs), but if a picture comes up, just take it. I can only go up from here.
So yesterday I started my first day with Hartstrings, yesterday, and it is so confusing to get a hold of sizes for children. This surely is not lotions and shower gel. Who created these sizes for children?! It's hard to understand and grasp the fact that at some point in all of our lives, we were wearing those sizes.
So I would continue to talk about this, but something about Hartstrings and I are going to have some problems. The music. The music that they play in there, I'm pretty sure I am going to shoot the speakers out today when I go in. Every. single. song. is. reminds.me.of.them.
I really hate it. Jason Mraz, that a thousand years chick, just fucking, everything. I was distracted for most of the my day there, since I was there from 1:30p-10. I was there long enough that the last song we played was Jason Mraz. I have to endure another day of it, and I must suck it up cause it just really isn't fair. It's like the universe doesn't want me to move forward. I've been good to myself by staying away from their blogs. Cause I know I will cause unwanted grief to myself, and I just simply don't need that. This is why I hate time away from school, cause then I feelings will get to me, and I want to just drown myself. It isn't a good feeling.
I think Chris thinks we got off on good terms..we clearly didn't. Those text messages are still in my phone, but no picture to go with it. I decided it was best to delete their numbers and not be tempted to call either party. If he thinks this is the right road, then so be it. I obviously was really upset from my last post, cause it was all the anger and frustration that came with the fact that he was going to step right out of my life, like it was that simple. The very last things I saw from his blog was he was ready to love again. Did you ever love to begin with? He decided to delete me off of facebook, and apparently I was still subscribed to his page, that the first thing I saw in big bright cold letters was, "Chris Roche and Allahia McAdams are in a relationship"
I left the living room, went into my room, and was on the floor, crying, screaming, couldn't even breath, my heart racing a million beats a second. Typing it makes me feel extremely sick. It wasn't the fact that I lost him, it was the nastiness and that ensue from people. I'm not sure if it was my karma, cause I knew it would come around for even sleeping with him while he is taken. It hurt to type that..anyway, there are so many things that are going through my mind that I need to let go off. This month needs to be over. It's going great due to school, and I am in school from 9-6 at night mondays, tuesdays and wednesdays. But that won't stop the next 4 days of thoughts to come through. Cause at work you can get away with daydreaming.
I am honestly on a road to forgiveness. Cause if I walk around with hate in my heart, it will completely destroy me. I've already been destroyed, but I don't know what it feels like to be myself again after something so dramatic happened. I feel like I'm living a fucking nightmare.
We'll see how the rest of my month goes, and how strong I am to withstand looking at anything that remotely reminds me of them, but then I need to, (not their blogs), but if a picture comes up, just take it. I can only go up from here.