Fic: Cupid with a KA-BAR
Title: Cupid with a KA-BAR
Summary: Jensen needs wooing advice.
Rating: pg-13
Warnings: FLUFF. FLUFF AND SILLINESS. NO ONE IS DEAD. EVERYONE IS HAPPY.
Author's Notes: I'm still working on Seeds of Yggdrasil, so fear not. One of my bbs was feeling down so I wrote her this and she demanded that I post it, so please enjoy! Also, this features male!Roque, so I hope it's not too jarring for my usual readers.
Under any other circumstances, Jensen would not be doing this.
It's just that... Cougar's got the tall, dark, and handsome thing going on and Jensen... doesn't.
"...I'm not seeing how this is my problem," Roque flatly says.
Jensen fidgets. "I mean, it's not, but when I start sighing wistfully and doodling "Mr. and Mr. Alvarez" on everything, pretty sure that it'll be your problem."
Roque is Clayless because their fearless leader was summoned to HQ for a round of possibly week long meetings, which is another reason why Jensen finally worked up the nerve to do this.
Their captain is terrifying and rightfully so, but their CO is eight different flavors of cray.
"Have tried telling him that you... like him," Roque asks with a cringe.
"...Is that how you got Clay?"
"Get out."
"Goodnightandsweetdreamssir."
Probably not the best approach, but there's always tomorrow.
There would've been tomorrow if not for the fact that Roque is now ignoring Jensen like it's his job and he's trying to get paid for overtime.
Aisha picks up on this immediately and just raises an eyebrow.
Pooch is much more vocal when Jensen calls him to whine.
Jolene laughs for five minutes then hands the phone to her husband.
"Rule number one of Roque and Clay is never talk about Roque and Clay. Rule number two of Roque and Clay is never talk about Roque and Clay. Rule number three of Roque and Clay is never talk about Roque and Clay."
After this wisdom is handed down, Jensen is left with the dial tone.
Isn't having a kid suppose to make people nicer?
He's prepared to sulk and sulk for the rest of the week until Roque invites himself into his room that night.
"...Uh-"
"Shut up. Leave bullets and gun oil in places he would only see. Then upgrade to jaw breakers and cupcakes. Then grenades. Then you do... other things."
"...Other thi-"
"Jacob."
"...I'm guessing this conversation never happened?"
"You're asleep. Deeply asleep."
"Sir, yes, sir, thank you, sir!"
And with that, so begins the courting of one Sergeant Carlos "Cougar" Alvarez.
Aisha catches Jensen trying to hide gun oil in the kitchen behind the Frosted Flakes.
She stares at him for a few blood curdling seconds without blinking. "Tape it to the milk."
"...But I don't have any-"
He squawks and ducks when a disturbing large roll of duct tape is thrown at his head.
Aisha nods in satisfaction then walks out with a box of Pop-Tarts.
"...Thanks! Really! Yeah," Jensen mumbles.
Cougar is bemused by the gun oil strapped to the milk, but there is a small smile on his face as he frees it.
Jensen happily kicks his feet under the table (while retaining his p-p-p-poker face) and Aisha is looking at him like he's a nine year old girl.
Roque is acting like drinking his coffee is a life or death matter.
The bullets are much more fun to hide.
Because Jensen doesn't actually hide them.
He strings them across the sniper's room like lights at a party and Roque is starting to regret ever helping him.
"What the fuck was that?"
"...You told me to give him bullets," Jensen slowly says, "so I gave him bullets. And now I'm making him cupcakes!"
"...He likes chocolate."
Roque suddenly ninjas out and Jensen is left standing alone in the kitchen.
"Weirdo."
"You like me?"
A very manly shriek rips itself out of Jensen's throat. "Whatyesnomaybeyesyou'rereallyhotandIwanttolickyourfacenandhaveyourbabies."
Cougar just smiles then kisses him.
Jensen is so happy that he could cry because these are about to be the ugliest cupcakes ever seen by human eyes.
Clay returns to see them play footsie under the table and immediately looks at Roque. "Really?"
"Shut up, they're in love," the other man absently says as he sharpens the intimidating blade in his hand.
Aisha snorts as she eats one of the ugliest cupcakes Clay has ever seen in his life.
...He would still like one, though.
"I made you prettier ones," Roque says without looking up from his task.
If Aisha sees Clay stoop down to kiss the top of Roque's ear, she says nothing.
Jensen, however, falls out of his chair. Because gravity hates him.
Cougar watches him with a fond expression as he flails on the floor.
And then they all kind of lived happily ever after.
With ugly as fuck cupcakes.
Summary: Jensen needs wooing advice.
Rating: pg-13
Warnings: FLUFF. FLUFF AND SILLINESS. NO ONE IS DEAD. EVERYONE IS HAPPY.
Author's Notes: I'm still working on Seeds of Yggdrasil, so fear not. One of my bbs was feeling down so I wrote her this and she demanded that I post it, so please enjoy! Also, this features male!Roque, so I hope it's not too jarring for my usual readers.
Under any other circumstances, Jensen would not be doing this.
It's just that... Cougar's got the tall, dark, and handsome thing going on and Jensen... doesn't.
"...I'm not seeing how this is my problem," Roque flatly says.
Jensen fidgets. "I mean, it's not, but when I start sighing wistfully and doodling "Mr. and Mr. Alvarez" on everything, pretty sure that it'll be your problem."
Roque is Clayless because their fearless leader was summoned to HQ for a round of possibly week long meetings, which is another reason why Jensen finally worked up the nerve to do this.
Their captain is terrifying and rightfully so, but their CO is eight different flavors of cray.
"Have tried telling him that you... like him," Roque asks with a cringe.
"...Is that how you got Clay?"
"Get out."
"Goodnightandsweetdreamssir."
Probably not the best approach, but there's always tomorrow.
There would've been tomorrow if not for the fact that Roque is now ignoring Jensen like it's his job and he's trying to get paid for overtime.
Aisha picks up on this immediately and just raises an eyebrow.
Pooch is much more vocal when Jensen calls him to whine.
Jolene laughs for five minutes then hands the phone to her husband.
"Rule number one of Roque and Clay is never talk about Roque and Clay. Rule number two of Roque and Clay is never talk about Roque and Clay. Rule number three of Roque and Clay is never talk about Roque and Clay."
After this wisdom is handed down, Jensen is left with the dial tone.
Isn't having a kid suppose to make people nicer?
He's prepared to sulk and sulk for the rest of the week until Roque invites himself into his room that night.
"...Uh-"
"Shut up. Leave bullets and gun oil in places he would only see. Then upgrade to jaw breakers and cupcakes. Then grenades. Then you do... other things."
"...Other thi-"
"Jacob."
"...I'm guessing this conversation never happened?"
"You're asleep. Deeply asleep."
"Sir, yes, sir, thank you, sir!"
And with that, so begins the courting of one Sergeant Carlos "Cougar" Alvarez.
Aisha catches Jensen trying to hide gun oil in the kitchen behind the Frosted Flakes.
She stares at him for a few blood curdling seconds without blinking. "Tape it to the milk."
"...But I don't have any-"
He squawks and ducks when a disturbing large roll of duct tape is thrown at his head.
Aisha nods in satisfaction then walks out with a box of Pop-Tarts.
"...Thanks! Really! Yeah," Jensen mumbles.
Cougar is bemused by the gun oil strapped to the milk, but there is a small smile on his face as he frees it.
Jensen happily kicks his feet under the table (while retaining his p-p-p-poker face) and Aisha is looking at him like he's a nine year old girl.
Roque is acting like drinking his coffee is a life or death matter.
The bullets are much more fun to hide.
Because Jensen doesn't actually hide them.
He strings them across the sniper's room like lights at a party and Roque is starting to regret ever helping him.
"What the fuck was that?"
"...You told me to give him bullets," Jensen slowly says, "so I gave him bullets. And now I'm making him cupcakes!"
"...He likes chocolate."
Roque suddenly ninjas out and Jensen is left standing alone in the kitchen.
"Weirdo."
"You like me?"
A very manly shriek rips itself out of Jensen's throat. "Whatyesnomaybeyesyou'rereallyhotandIwanttolickyourfacenandhaveyourbabies."
Cougar just smiles then kisses him.
Jensen is so happy that he could cry because these are about to be the ugliest cupcakes ever seen by human eyes.
Clay returns to see them play footsie under the table and immediately looks at Roque. "Really?"
"Shut up, they're in love," the other man absently says as he sharpens the intimidating blade in his hand.
Aisha snorts as she eats one of the ugliest cupcakes Clay has ever seen in his life.
...He would still like one, though.
"I made you prettier ones," Roque says without looking up from his task.
If Aisha sees Clay stoop down to kiss the top of Roque's ear, she says nothing.
Jensen, however, falls out of his chair. Because gravity hates him.
Cougar watches him with a fond expression as he flails on the floor.
And then they all kind of lived happily ever after.
With ugly as fuck cupcakes.