Yeah...Hmmm
I am so bored right now so I decided to update. Nicole is on here way over here sometime, so she can spend the night fer two days because she has court. School's been going good...same ole shit different day. Umm... I've been exhausted lately because at work, I end up closing every single night that I work, and it's killer. I know the paycheck'll be nice, but it doesn't work when you have to go to school the next day. Since then, I don't fall asleep until around 3 er so, and have only 3 hrs to work on at school. It works, but it doesn't at the same time fer the fact that I am just dragging and end up taking a nap right after school.
I'm going to Gainesville fer a week, which'll be nice. Maybe I need that break away from this shithole and family. My rents have been crawling up my skin lately, but I think it's because we're all at wits end right now. My cousin is moving down the week after we come back from Gainesville, and everyone is stressin I guess. I miss my brother so much. I don't have anyone to talk to like I had back in the day. I just want to chill with him...and I know it's a far away dream at this point. He won't get a chnace to come home until, maybe, July. And I know when he does come down, all of his friends are going to be all over him, so I won't be able to see him as much. Is that selfish? I just want to sing with him and talk about everything thats been going on. I know he's proud of me fer a lot of things right now, but I just want him here.
Last week I had a break down. Went up to see Alena's grave, and it went bad. I couldn't stop crying. I had to go to work, and you know when people always ask you, "whats wrong?" and you don't wanna answer and when they keep on bugging you, it only gets worse? I almost punched everyone in their faces at work, because I couldn't escape their stares and questions. I just want to be alone whenever I am in that state of mind, and I know I am not the only one. My pops and I got into a bad fight and I almost told him to Fuck Off but then, I caught myself and just turned around and walked out. He doesn't understand, all the fuckin time he seems to get pissed, I just turn a deaf ear when I wish I could just lash out and tear him a new one. Make him feel like shit, then he'll understand my pain.
I miss Dawn so much also. It sucks...I feel that when she's gone, we're not close anymore. Like we're slowly parting away, but then I know that it wouldn't happen. I understand she's extremely busy...I just miss her tons. I feel annoying when I call and leave her a message...so I stopped that because if it is annoying, I don't want to lose her. She makes me happy; my blood sister..... Welps I am going to go to have a long smoke break and enjoi the weather. ONE LOVE
I'm going to Gainesville fer a week, which'll be nice. Maybe I need that break away from this shithole and family. My rents have been crawling up my skin lately, but I think it's because we're all at wits end right now. My cousin is moving down the week after we come back from Gainesville, and everyone is stressin I guess. I miss my brother so much. I don't have anyone to talk to like I had back in the day. I just want to chill with him...and I know it's a far away dream at this point. He won't get a chnace to come home until, maybe, July. And I know when he does come down, all of his friends are going to be all over him, so I won't be able to see him as much. Is that selfish? I just want to sing with him and talk about everything thats been going on. I know he's proud of me fer a lot of things right now, but I just want him here.
Last week I had a break down. Went up to see Alena's grave, and it went bad. I couldn't stop crying. I had to go to work, and you know when people always ask you, "whats wrong?" and you don't wanna answer and when they keep on bugging you, it only gets worse? I almost punched everyone in their faces at work, because I couldn't escape their stares and questions. I just want to be alone whenever I am in that state of mind, and I know I am not the only one. My pops and I got into a bad fight and I almost told him to Fuck Off but then, I caught myself and just turned around and walked out. He doesn't understand, all the fuckin time he seems to get pissed, I just turn a deaf ear when I wish I could just lash out and tear him a new one. Make him feel like shit, then he'll understand my pain.
I miss Dawn so much also. It sucks...I feel that when she's gone, we're not close anymore. Like we're slowly parting away, but then I know that it wouldn't happen. I understand she's extremely busy...I just miss her tons. I feel annoying when I call and leave her a message...so I stopped that because if it is annoying, I don't want to lose her. She makes me happy; my blood sister..... Welps I am going to go to have a long smoke break and enjoi the weather. ONE LOVE