mad dawgzzzz
this is my stance on my life at this point, written in a way that i haven't written for so long. nobody ever questions me, but if you don't get it and you'd like to. talk to me. i'm not one to jump on mindless banter about myself. i write it. and if you want to know something you're much better off asking me. because i don't just come out and say things. i just naturally assume that you're not interested in knowing.
meagerly at the edge of everything.
that is where i stand.
i feel like i'm done walking around on a giant ball, treading the same ground over and over and over. when i wake up in the morning and go to bed at night for myself, with myself, selfishly, i feel like my thoughts, my activities, my movements are less repetitive, more original. and when i say selfishly i don't mean i'm selfish. i mean without you.
i've never had to take the time, pull the nerve, or gather the courage it takes to get over someone. until now. and for awhile i walked the sphere. the giant ball of constant unoriginal thought. thinking, "this is it, this is it, this is how i feel, this is how things are." and by thinking that way i made it that way, and i kept coming across situations that made it true because i wanted it to be true, not because it was.
and now i'm walking firmly on what feel like new grounds. i am very much the same, but very much changed.
i was recently told that i expect too much from people, which makes it easy to dissapoint me. i thought long and hard on this. it is a comment i took straight to heart, and never really let the person know how much it hurt me when they said it. i take a lot of pride in the fact that i have standards. that i have integrity and that i'm honest. why wouldn't i want the same thing in the people i love, the people i am around, and the people i date? i hold no higher expectation for anyone than i do myself, i am my harshest and most unreasonable critic. so fuck you. honestly and openly, fuck you. i understand where you're coming from in saying what you're saying and i know you're my closest friend, but fuck you.
and to myself. i've been lying to myself. about a lot of things and i'm sure there's more to come. but i feel very honest lately. i feel clear headed and focused and genuine. i'm not afraid of where i am or what comes next. because i've learned from what has come, and it will make my future that much better.
i am very much aware of what i deserve.
and i'm confident in my ability to recognize it.
i am not, however, confident in my ability to trust my judgement.
i am really good at convincing myself i do not feel.
i am trying to correct this.
laurenb.
doggie dos and doggie don'ts
doggie wills and doggie won'ts
meagerly at the edge of everything.
that is where i stand.
i feel like i'm done walking around on a giant ball, treading the same ground over and over and over. when i wake up in the morning and go to bed at night for myself, with myself, selfishly, i feel like my thoughts, my activities, my movements are less repetitive, more original. and when i say selfishly i don't mean i'm selfish. i mean without you.
i've never had to take the time, pull the nerve, or gather the courage it takes to get over someone. until now. and for awhile i walked the sphere. the giant ball of constant unoriginal thought. thinking, "this is it, this is it, this is how i feel, this is how things are." and by thinking that way i made it that way, and i kept coming across situations that made it true because i wanted it to be true, not because it was.
and now i'm walking firmly on what feel like new grounds. i am very much the same, but very much changed.
i was recently told that i expect too much from people, which makes it easy to dissapoint me. i thought long and hard on this. it is a comment i took straight to heart, and never really let the person know how much it hurt me when they said it. i take a lot of pride in the fact that i have standards. that i have integrity and that i'm honest. why wouldn't i want the same thing in the people i love, the people i am around, and the people i date? i hold no higher expectation for anyone than i do myself, i am my harshest and most unreasonable critic. so fuck you. honestly and openly, fuck you. i understand where you're coming from in saying what you're saying and i know you're my closest friend, but fuck you.
and to myself. i've been lying to myself. about a lot of things and i'm sure there's more to come. but i feel very honest lately. i feel clear headed and focused and genuine. i'm not afraid of where i am or what comes next. because i've learned from what has come, and it will make my future that much better.
i am very much aware of what i deserve.
and i'm confident in my ability to recognize it.
i am not, however, confident in my ability to trust my judgement.
i am really good at convincing myself i do not feel.
i am trying to correct this.
laurenb.
doggie dos and doggie don'ts
doggie wills and doggie won'ts