(no subject)
back from school. about 3 months now, i went in at a stunning 103lbs and came out fatter then ever. im at 135 and i cant seem to loose it at all. i try not to eat too much, ill eat salads but for some fucking reason my hand wont stay outta my mouth, its all i think about. about how thin i used to be and now how fat and piggish i am. i hate myself, i cant see bones all i see is a fat girl. my mind wraps around how i want to be thin again but im having the hardest time in the world. i was beautiful, i was sexy. and still to my amazment i have a boyfriend, and hes thin, and sexy. i can see his collar bones and some of his ribs and all he does is eat and look at me funny when i try not to. i dont want to loose him, i dont want him to think im fat i have to loose this weight. i once had a goal to be 97lbs...now i just want to be 115lbs for now. i did it before why is it so hard now. i hate myself and this life, this is taking up all my time just thinking about it all/. nothing seems to be workin. i wish i had NEVER went to college. it was just a waste of time and money. it only made me fat...