damn it
ok so heres how its going,i jst bought that stuff i was talking about before. its called the 48 hour mirical hollywood diet,im supposed to drik nothing but this stuff for 2 days and of course alot of water,i should start it right now, but im at my cousins house. i slept over last night and to tell the truth i want to be home alone while i do it just because obviously im going to be in the toilet most the time.or aleast thats what im thinkin. so yesterday i binged. and like a motherfucker at that. i even ate ice cream and everything. i feel so disgustingly fat today, but now i cant do that drink thing cause i dont know how long im supposed to stay here...!!!!!! she wants me to take her to work later but thats not until 6pm. and shes gonna wanna eat. this whole side of my family always want to eat. i cnt do this 2 days in a row. yeaterday i went as far to eat a slice of pixxa for lunch and without even trying i ran to the bathroom and threw it all up. i think my stomach couldnt handle the greese. i wasnt even thinking about purging because i figured i could just binge for that one day and then with this drink stuff i would looose the 10pounds they said i would. i feel like such a hefer now though cause i cant start it. if the see medrinking it theyll know sumthins up. my cousin is very perceptive. ill try not to eat to much today but i know shes gonna make me. ANA help me be string. i already feel guilty as hell for what i did yesterday, i cant keep doing this. im gonna be fat if i do. i really wish i had an ANA girl to hang out with in person. it would be easier then hanging out with people who dont care. cause none of these people do...god i cant wait till i go to college, there i wont have to eat at all and no one would notice cause heyll be to busy with their own thing....2 and 1/2 more weeks and ill be out.oh how i wanted to get to 97lbs before i went, now im thikin ill never make that. imight have to wait till i get there to accomplish my goal... :-( ill have to go to school looking like a fat disgusting cow.. i know ill make it up but i never wanted people to see melike that. today ill be depressed and theres nothing i can do about it. theres not even a scale hereso i really dont have a clue where im at. i just know what i am...NASTY. and nothing else. ANA make me strong, dont let me be too tempted, ill hate myself forever if i am.....