(no subject)

[lose_thesescars]

im so angry. and so frusterated. i feel so naive. i can't believe that i believed him when he said he loved me more than anyone. i was no different than any of the other girls he dated. he already has a new girlfriend. funny cause even though i like someone (A LOT), im nowhere near ready to even begin a relationship with him. but he, he already has a new girlfriend. im so pissed. how could i have fallen for everything? how could i have not seen through this? why would i have been different? why would he still care about me, or have a hard time getting over me? he's always just moved along to the next girl. always. he even told me. its been 2 months almost. why do i care? why do i still care about him? why does this hurt? i want to hurt him like he hurt me. i dont think he realizes how much he really hurt me. i want so bad to just sit down and talk about everything. just to clear the air. just to be friends. to know that he does think about me. that i did mean more to him than any of the others. i need to know that. i need to. but he wont talk to me. he doesnt even want to be my friend. after he told me it would kill him not to be friends with me. obviously he was just telling me what i wanted to hear. letting me believe i was special to him. i really thought he did love me more than he loved anyone. i loved him so much. i care about him so much. ahhhh! i wish he'd call. i wish he'd meet me somewhere for coffee so we could just talk things out and be friends. and at the same time im so angry and spiteful. i dont like that about me and i want it to go away.
one good thing about today...the only good thing about today was talking to tommie. finally. it's been like a year since i've talked to him. i really do miss him. we have a weird connection where even though we haven't talked for so long, it doesn't matter. we can just pick up where we left off. and i only met him once. 2 years ago. i love friends like that.