when i first held you i was cold
i don't think the same way anymore. that worries me. it's harder to be blissful these days. it's harder to be sad, even. i wrote all these things off as fake a while back, and now i realize some things are worth believing in. even if they won't last. i'm not normal. at all.
also, i hate that i tell myself "i have no time for all of this." i do have time. i just don't do what i have to do. i slack so much. and i hate myself so much after the fact. when i achieve, i feel great about myself. you'd think i'd work hard to make myself feel great. guess not.
the last day of 9th grade i came home from sara's house, and i layed on my bed, listening to music, staring out of my window and thinking "this is the first day of summer... i'm going to be happy" thats the last time i was idealistic like that i think. a teenager shouldn't be such a realist. he shouldn't be so cynical about "the way teenagers are". that's an adult's job. i wonder if anything changes when you become an adult. if that point of view and that cynicism fades.
i got a letter from Northwestern. it made me so embarassingly happy. i read the letter aloud to my mother. i felt good. i miss chicago. i wonder if i could live there. i can't imagine myself living anywhere as an adult. i wonder if i'll have a few friends like now... or if it'll be like when i'm in a class w/ strangers... and i just don't make any friends. i'm sure i'll be fine and i'll make friends.
and then i can walk along michigan avenue with my girlfriend. and we'll go home and watch a movie. or something. i don't know. living with a girl is gonna get boring. i'm gonna be in and out of relationships i bet. or just always out. i dont know.
i have post-nasal drip.
i'm performing both fridays for grease. i'm not so nervous because i only get 2 nights but... well it's me and so i can't help but worry. i do okay in front of mr and mrs c... but when all those seats in the auditorium are full... it may not be so easy to hit the high notes in "alone at the drive-in". musicals are a pain in the ass. how can people love this shit so much? also, the cast is full of retards. not completely full... but damn near.
tomorrow will be difficult/fun/tiring/interesting/long. wish me the best of luck, and i'll do the same for you.
it's such a lovely day and i'm glad you feel the same-loren
also, i hate that i tell myself "i have no time for all of this." i do have time. i just don't do what i have to do. i slack so much. and i hate myself so much after the fact. when i achieve, i feel great about myself. you'd think i'd work hard to make myself feel great. guess not.
the last day of 9th grade i came home from sara's house, and i layed on my bed, listening to music, staring out of my window and thinking "this is the first day of summer... i'm going to be happy" thats the last time i was idealistic like that i think. a teenager shouldn't be such a realist. he shouldn't be so cynical about "the way teenagers are". that's an adult's job. i wonder if anything changes when you become an adult. if that point of view and that cynicism fades.
i got a letter from Northwestern. it made me so embarassingly happy. i read the letter aloud to my mother. i felt good. i miss chicago. i wonder if i could live there. i can't imagine myself living anywhere as an adult. i wonder if i'll have a few friends like now... or if it'll be like when i'm in a class w/ strangers... and i just don't make any friends. i'm sure i'll be fine and i'll make friends.
and then i can walk along michigan avenue with my girlfriend. and we'll go home and watch a movie. or something. i don't know. living with a girl is gonna get boring. i'm gonna be in and out of relationships i bet. or just always out. i dont know.
i have post-nasal drip.
i'm performing both fridays for grease. i'm not so nervous because i only get 2 nights but... well it's me and so i can't help but worry. i do okay in front of mr and mrs c... but when all those seats in the auditorium are full... it may not be so easy to hit the high notes in "alone at the drive-in". musicals are a pain in the ass. how can people love this shit so much? also, the cast is full of retards. not completely full... but damn near.
tomorrow will be difficult/fun/tiring/interesting/long. wish me the best of luck, and i'll do the same for you.
it's such a lovely day and i'm glad you feel the same-loren