(no subject)
Confessions of the Other Mother: Non-Biological Lesbian Moms Tell All by Harlyn Aizley
My review
rating: 3 of 5 stars
I had high hopes for this book, I really did. In retrospect, I can't say exactly what those high hopes were based on, but I really thought that an anthology would be the perfect way to learn about the experiences of non-gestational mothers, to read a bunch of varied and interesting essays on the subject.
Instead, I think the anthology format was working against this subject matter. Almost all of the anthologized essayists related more or less the same narrative arc to the reader: "Being the 'other mother' was weird at first. What was my role? How would people view me? Eventually, I found my role and I love my family." Sometimes the writer was butch, sometimes a high femme--sometimes Israeli! But apart from the various identities of the authors, all the essays seemed to swim together. This is a shame, because there were some really cute essays in there.
"And you are?" by Hillary Goodridge was a chilling account of what those of us in New York and San Francisco often forget can happen at hospitals that don't consider same-sex partners to be family members. "Naked Brunch" by Fern Bliss is a sweet story about both moms and their toddler visiting an elderly aunt in her nursing home and delighting all the residents. Nancy Abrams' "Mr. Anonymous", made me want to go out and read her book. Unlike most of the other authors, Abrams' child is well into her teenage years, and her relationship with the gestational mother has ended. Her story's bittersweetness was a nice balance to the pervasive sugary arc I describe above. Mary Cardaras's essay about becoming the lesbian step-mother of two boys was also a departure in tone from the majority of the essays--she focuses on the challenges and joys of creating a blended family without seeming whiny or sacharin, a skill I hope many of the other essayists can pick up with age.
This book is not a bad jumping off point for women trying to hear about the experiences of other non-gestational moms. I would suggest skimming it, and if an essay doesn't grab your specific interest by the first page or two, don't be afraid to skip it.
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