State of the Mind
There are times in my life when I really wonder if I use my brain anymore. One of my friends or ex-friends I should say, has rubbed one of his bad traits onto me it seems and thats not how I am, so I'm going to have to think before I talk anymore else I say something really mean or stupid again. Otherwise theres a good possibilty of losing something that means a lot to me.
As of right now, I have two friends, one of which I can trust 100% to keep a secret and not let me down and the other which I'm not sure about, considering he's talked behind my back. It might be early but I can definitely tell that I can trust Molly with about anything and never have to worry about it being told.
So really I only have one good friend who could easily be my best friend since we get along great the majority of the time, if we don't its usually my fault. Something I need to work on a bit better is not to be mean, which I never mean but it comes out that way.
I really wish I could get the courage I need to tell her how much I love her and what she means to me. I've definitely not an expert at relationships... hell im not even experianced.. but I do try my best and if I say something nice.. I really do mean it. I'm not great at picking up most signals, but I try my best to figure out what she is thinking sometimes. I'm sure I've botched up more times then not, but I'm not perfect and shit happens. All I can do is try my best to work around it. I know I frustrate her sometimes with various things, even though its the last thing I want to do.
There are so many things I'd like to talk to her about, but I'm either too shy or scared to ask. Even though I could trust her to talk about anything and I feel extremely comfortable around her, like I've known her for years... I just can't seem to build up enough courage to ask her things in fear she might think im stupid for asking the question... something along those lines. I suppose I just have a fear of losing something that means a lot to me and I don't care what anyone thinks about that aside from her and myself. Its no one's business aside from ours.
I've never had a lot of self-esteem... so sometimes even minor things bother me if im even slightly confused about something. All I can do is just live one day at a time and hope you didn't screw up bad enough to cause anything.
As of right now, I have two friends, one of which I can trust 100% to keep a secret and not let me down and the other which I'm not sure about, considering he's talked behind my back. It might be early but I can definitely tell that I can trust Molly with about anything and never have to worry about it being told.
So really I only have one good friend who could easily be my best friend since we get along great the majority of the time, if we don't its usually my fault. Something I need to work on a bit better is not to be mean, which I never mean but it comes out that way.
I really wish I could get the courage I need to tell her how much I love her and what she means to me. I've definitely not an expert at relationships... hell im not even experianced.. but I do try my best and if I say something nice.. I really do mean it. I'm not great at picking up most signals, but I try my best to figure out what she is thinking sometimes. I'm sure I've botched up more times then not, but I'm not perfect and shit happens. All I can do is try my best to work around it. I know I frustrate her sometimes with various things, even though its the last thing I want to do.
There are so many things I'd like to talk to her about, but I'm either too shy or scared to ask. Even though I could trust her to talk about anything and I feel extremely comfortable around her, like I've known her for years... I just can't seem to build up enough courage to ask her things in fear she might think im stupid for asking the question... something along those lines. I suppose I just have a fear of losing something that means a lot to me and I don't care what anyone thinks about that aside from her and myself. Its no one's business aside from ours.
I've never had a lot of self-esteem... so sometimes even minor things bother me if im even slightly confused about something. All I can do is just live one day at a time and hope you didn't screw up bad enough to cause anything.