#045 Hypnogogic Isis
This morning, between dream and waking I was reveling with Isis.
Normally on some mornings I "fantasize".
So Isis says, why don't you fantasize to an image of me? I thought and immediately realized why I had such difficulty imagining Isis to begin with, I suddenly realized my usual fantasies with women are always sort of romantic with the woman in a submissive role (chauvinist that I am). I could not fantasize about isis that way because I can't picture I Goddess in a submissive role. So then Isis, as if eaves-dropping says, "If it's not possible to see me in a submissive role why should you see any woman that way! I said, "I shouldn't your right." She wasn't angry, I got the impression that she is far above silly human emotions. I told her that it doesn't seem right to fantasize about a Goddess that way. She laughed and said, "sexuality is how you have been doing magic so far, and I am the goddess of magic." So I began to fantasized about Isis the same way I have fantasized about Ariadne. During this fantasization It struck me that a new me was being born and the Mother goddess aspect of Isis is helping me birth a new self. I say this because the image of Isis was moving down into my figurative womb.
I could feel a different more mature me arising. I can feel my old self losing ground to this new self. At all times during the fantasy there is no lust in the usual sense of the word. It was more like an intuitive connection on a different plane. The normal sexual drama of playing out sexual frustrations were missing from the experience. Its hard to explain any further.
I decided to dedicate my self to the Goddess more so than I have been. As I started to fully wake up, the following phrase was repeating in my mind like a mantra, "I Worship the Goddess I am her consort." This was not a submissive experience but the new mature (more masculine) self was still my dominant persona.
So I'll be working on making this "new self" grow.
Normally on some mornings I "fantasize".
So Isis says, why don't you fantasize to an image of me? I thought and immediately realized why I had such difficulty imagining Isis to begin with, I suddenly realized my usual fantasies with women are always sort of romantic with the woman in a submissive role (chauvinist that I am). I could not fantasize about isis that way because I can't picture I Goddess in a submissive role. So then Isis, as if eaves-dropping says, "If it's not possible to see me in a submissive role why should you see any woman that way! I said, "I shouldn't your right." She wasn't angry, I got the impression that she is far above silly human emotions. I told her that it doesn't seem right to fantasize about a Goddess that way. She laughed and said, "sexuality is how you have been doing magic so far, and I am the goddess of magic." So I began to fantasized about Isis the same way I have fantasized about Ariadne. During this fantasization It struck me that a new me was being born and the Mother goddess aspect of Isis is helping me birth a new self. I say this because the image of Isis was moving down into my figurative womb.
I could feel a different more mature me arising. I can feel my old self losing ground to this new self. At all times during the fantasy there is no lust in the usual sense of the word. It was more like an intuitive connection on a different plane. The normal sexual drama of playing out sexual frustrations were missing from the experience. Its hard to explain any further.
I decided to dedicate my self to the Goddess more so than I have been. As I started to fully wake up, the following phrase was repeating in my mind like a mantra, "I Worship the Goddess I am her consort." This was not a submissive experience but the new mature (more masculine) self was still my dominant persona.
So I'll be working on making this "new self" grow.