CLEAR YOUR CALENDERS AND GET OUT YOUR CHECK BOOKS!!!!
Hello, my sweet little berry tortelettes.
I am nothing if not one who learns from His mistakes. It is one of the virtues I am proudest of, second only to My humility and bathrobe. In any case, I realize that last year, I made an error in mentioning that you could all take my birthday off from work *on* my birthday. This year, I am giving you an entire fortnight to properly explain to your various bosses and supervisors that you cannot possibly work on June the Thirteenth, as it will eventually be a national holiday and you are trying to get a head start. If they give you any lip, crack them in the mouth. A good shot to the mouth is usually sufficient to shut up even the most belligerent ne'er-do-well, even larger children. (Why, even fifth and sixth graders often go down after only one solid punch to the jaw. I'm not condoning violence against children, I'm merely suggesting and endorsing it.)
Of course, the wonderful side effect of my forewarning you of the Festival to Celebrate Shamus's Ascension to the Mortal Plane is that those of you sending me LARGE CRATES OF GIFTS will have more time to secure proper shipping and handling, especially for those of you sending heavy things like BARS OF GOLD BULLION AND CASKS OF JOOLS AND GOLDEN CUPS AND HATS. Hats especially. And birthday cards made of baby seals, um, heads.
Remember that you can send them to me at my fabulous mansion : Shamus Mahan @ 9 Wachusett Street, Apt 1, Worcester, MA 01609 ("Apt 1" is short for "Mansion 1")
HOLY SHIT? Did he just post his STREET ADDRESS in his INTARWEB FAG-RAG? Yeah, I totally did. If anybody wants to come MURDAR ME, good luck getting past my ROBOTIC WHOOPI GOLDBERG GUARDIANS THAT SHOOT PLASMA BEAMS FROM THEIR DONGS. Want a piece of that shit? I thought not.
Stacey and Moira and I are re-watching Great Teacher Onizuka, who is, by the way, the reason I considered becoming a teacher for a while. So I'm gonna go back to that. Kisses.
I am nothing if not one who learns from His mistakes. It is one of the virtues I am proudest of, second only to My humility and bathrobe. In any case, I realize that last year, I made an error in mentioning that you could all take my birthday off from work *on* my birthday. This year, I am giving you an entire fortnight to properly explain to your various bosses and supervisors that you cannot possibly work on June the Thirteenth, as it will eventually be a national holiday and you are trying to get a head start. If they give you any lip, crack them in the mouth. A good shot to the mouth is usually sufficient to shut up even the most belligerent ne'er-do-well, even larger children. (Why, even fifth and sixth graders often go down after only one solid punch to the jaw. I'm not condoning violence against children, I'm merely suggesting and endorsing it.)
Of course, the wonderful side effect of my forewarning you of the Festival to Celebrate Shamus's Ascension to the Mortal Plane is that those of you sending me LARGE CRATES OF GIFTS will have more time to secure proper shipping and handling, especially for those of you sending heavy things like BARS OF GOLD BULLION AND CASKS OF JOOLS AND GOLDEN CUPS AND HATS. Hats especially. And birthday cards made of baby seals, um, heads.
Remember that you can send them to me at my fabulous mansion : Shamus Mahan @ 9 Wachusett Street, Apt 1, Worcester, MA 01609 ("Apt 1" is short for "Mansion 1")
HOLY SHIT? Did he just post his STREET ADDRESS in his INTARWEB FAG-RAG? Yeah, I totally did. If anybody wants to come MURDAR ME, good luck getting past my ROBOTIC WHOOPI GOLDBERG GUARDIANS THAT SHOOT PLASMA BEAMS FROM THEIR DONGS. Want a piece of that shit? I thought not.
Stacey and Moira and I are re-watching Great Teacher Onizuka, who is, by the way, the reason I considered becoming a teacher for a while. So I'm gonna go back to that. Kisses.