confessional
i have started to think about things and realizing how much i miss what used to be and wish it still could be. for instance. i am in denial. i think that there could still be a chance with cinnamon and that we could be rejoined. but i doubt that will ever be able to happen. cause i know cinnamon is happy and enjoying life where i am upset and miserable. i have been having trouble with this for over a month dealing with the end of something that had been there for over a year and a half. i know the pain caused during was bad but i also know that the happiness through it all overpowered any of the bad. like a ride on horse and carraige in boston the day after christmas, or the cold concert that we stood close to one another, or being able to win her a giant blue dog (now named blue balls), or the site of one another at the airport, the elevator, chicago, TFT (yes i know not a sincere memory but still something never to be forgotten), remember the titans, boo, and the kiss goodnight, but the one thing that made me the happiest and was the most memorable was when she said the words that have had me held since. and those words have brought me to tears of happyness countless times. but those same words will shatter me and break me down. yet i still want to hear them and see them spoken from soft lips. i know this will end up sounding over possesive but it isnt meant to be that way. it is my way of expressing everything i cant say to you and me apologizing for the pain of the bad. and hoping to remind you of more of the good. and to possibly speak these words for the last time to a listening eye. I Love You