Recognizing Limits
Started a new job 2 weeks ago, working as a TA in a local reform school. While I was anticipating, based on what I was told in my many interviews for this job, high-needs kids who weren't up to regular school, I did not anticipate the rampant violence, verbal abuse and physical assaults on my person that I would come to find out were part and parcel of this environment.
So, for the first time in my life, I've quit a teaching job.
In the past 2 weeks, I've noticed my own frustration, despondency and rage increase exponentially and have been horrified to hear terms like "animals" and "trash" go through my head as I think about those students.
For my own safety, both mentally and physically, I have to recognize my own limits.
I do best in environments where I have some autonomy and am working with students who genuinely want to learn something new. I do not do well as a prison guard, bouncer or enforcer, which was effectively what this school wanted me to be.
Some may call my choice "cowardice". I prefer to think of it as prudence.
I'm too old to be wasting my time and energy on and putting myself at personal risk for people who will never accept the effort from me.