Draco's Rant about the FMA Game. (Or: Square-Enix, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me!?)
Full Metal Alchemist. Wayne disagrees with me, but I think that it's a great fandom to be in. It's got clearly-defined rules in its canon, and yet, it's got almost limitless possibilities. It's got a large cast of characters, many of which are incredibly well-detailed and some are downright likable, and which are realistic without (for the most part,) seeming schizophrenic or contrived. It's got almost all of the makings of a good anime. The ending's a trainwreck, but it leaves enough wriggle-room for an author to squirm some better meaning from it. It's got the makings of a truly awesome series.
Then Square-Enix decided to make a Playstation 2 game with it. It was called, "Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel." And Draco began weeping.
Remember all of the good points from the above paragraph? Throw them away. Square-Enix brought in brand-new characters, who, without exception, were all boring or fury-inducing. Of the five that they kept (Edward, Alphonse, Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, and Alex Louis Armstrong,) only the two main characters were actually in-character or got any facetime whatsoever. It takes talent to get a character as easily-written as Armstrong wrong, but by golly, the good folks at Squeenix succeeded!
Then they had the plot! I try to laugh it off, but Wayne's right: the plot's terrible. Worse than awful! Words can't describe the level of banality achieved!
I challenge you, those who have played this game: go to Fanfiction.net. Go to the Anime/Full Metal Alchemist section. Grab a fanfiction at random. I will bet you anything that the plot for that fanfic is better than that of the game. That's how bad the plot is.
I will not go into the gory details, (for those poor souls that wish to experience the horror for themselves,) but suffice to say that, if the newly introduced female lead was to be in a fanfic, the writer would be purged with fire and -BURNING PASSION- for being a horrible Mary Sue. Yes, the writer. There would be no forgiveness for such a monstrosity. Just thinking about it makes me (peaceful Baptist that I am) want to call down a pillar of fire to destroy the writer/editor/development crew.
The ending was the only thing they borrowed from the anime. By that, I mean that, of the above paragraph, they only included the train wreck of an ending in the game. All of the other points are gone. As I said, it takes talent to ruin a promising universe like FMA. But it was achieved.
Normally, I don't have a problem with English voice-dubs. Sometimes they're worse than the Japanese, sometimes better. This game uses the English voice actors from the anime itself. The problem with that is... the voice-actors for Mustang and Armstrong were awful! It wasn't even so bad that you could laugh at it: it was a canker, something that you can do nothing about but suffer through until it ends! Nothing redeemable about it! Then they had the nerve of bringing in Hawkeye (whose voice was remarkably decent,) and give her maybe three short scenes. In the entire game! Edward's and Alphonse's were okay, but the witty lines were given in the game itself (which had no voices,) and the vast majority of the bad ones were in cutscenes (which had the voice-overs.) Was Square-Enix consciously trying to insult the people that had gotten the game for... I don't know... the Full Metal Alchemist characters!?
The only redeeming factor is the battle system. FMA is built for battles. Transmutation of objects is a very nifty power. However, there's just one problem. In the anime/manga, it is stressed that alchemy is a science. It is emphasized that the Rule of Equivalent Exchange (you must offer something of equal value in order for alchemy to work,) is the rule, and it can't be circumvented except under special circumstances.
In the game, you can transmute a hay cart into a katana. You get a pogo stick from a lantern. A tank from a freaking filing cabinet! You can 'charge' your weapons with elements, for crying out loud! Did someone from Square-Enix just decide, "Hey, why have alchemy in Full Metal Alchemist when we can just go for magic?" What's the point!? Couldn't they just have added in, possibly, five more weapons, and just gone for alchemy?
EDIT: Switchblade reminded me of two more things that I had forgotten in the original rant. Namely, this game has three Square-Enix standbys. The first two are relatively minor. Namely: the Mary Sue gets crucified, and you can't win the final boss battle. It's easy to overlook that, so let me repeat it. The Mary Sue gets crucified. For no good reason. She just is. Is that not annoying? And you can't win the final battle. It's Mustang and Armstrong. They are normal humans. It should be possible to defeat them. The end result (and what they want the player to experience,) will happen even if the fight takes only a short time, and wouldn't the effect be that much better? But no! Armstrong and Roy are invincible, though you don't know this (because they still take damage) until you've wasted most of your inventory. That wouldn't be so bad, if they didn't want you to go through the game again!
But the worst fault is the well-known 'angel' phenomenon. Namely: the Mary Sue has an angel wing. Just one. (You can make your 'One Winged Angel' jokes now.) We don't know why. It's supposed to be a legendary artifact, but how does that work? It's a bloody wing! And in case you're wondering... yes, in the traumatic ending, there are feathers everywhere. But that's not as bad as the premise.
You see, Ms. Mary Sue can't actually do alchemy. There's a spoiler reason for me not saying why, but suffice the fact that it's there. She can't do alchemy. Period. But! It is revealed that, if she didn't have the reason that she couldn't do alchemy, she'd be a genius alchemist! Like Edward! She'd have been such a good alchemist that just the array traced by her can cause entire bloody fields to bloom! And Edward falls in love with her! And she's spunky but ultimately helpless, needing the hero to rescue her! And she's everyone's favorite character!
She also makes me sick. That takes, as has been said before, talent. But at the start, they showed just a little bit of promise, that she could have been the not-Mary Sue that I was looking forward to. But, it just devolved into banality and triteness.
I think that's the worst part of the game: the fact that, with a little more effort, a little more dedication, could have made an awesome game. Like I said, Full Metal Alchemist is a fandom with nearly limitless possibilities, and only a few hard-and-fast rules. So why, then, did Square-Enix decide that they would narrow those possibilities, and ignore those few rules?
Oh, wait, I know the worst part of this game: the fact that I paid $40 for it. No, there's something even worse: Wayne told me, before I went out to get this game, "Draco, the reviews are mixed. There aren't any ratings below four, but there aren't any above eight, either. You may want to get another game." Then I ignored him, and he's laughing at me! *gnashes teeth in frustration*
Why did Square-Enix have to prove Wayne right? Again!?
Then Square-Enix decided to make a Playstation 2 game with it. It was called, "Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel." And Draco began weeping.
Remember all of the good points from the above paragraph? Throw them away. Square-Enix brought in brand-new characters, who, without exception, were all boring or fury-inducing. Of the five that they kept (Edward, Alphonse, Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, and Alex Louis Armstrong,) only the two main characters were actually in-character or got any facetime whatsoever. It takes talent to get a character as easily-written as Armstrong wrong, but by golly, the good folks at Squeenix succeeded!
Then they had the plot! I try to laugh it off, but Wayne's right: the plot's terrible. Worse than awful! Words can't describe the level of banality achieved!
I challenge you, those who have played this game: go to Fanfiction.net. Go to the Anime/Full Metal Alchemist section. Grab a fanfiction at random. I will bet you anything that the plot for that fanfic is better than that of the game. That's how bad the plot is.
I will not go into the gory details, (for those poor souls that wish to experience the horror for themselves,) but suffice to say that, if the newly introduced female lead was to be in a fanfic, the writer would be purged with fire and -BURNING PASSION- for being a horrible Mary Sue. Yes, the writer. There would be no forgiveness for such a monstrosity. Just thinking about it makes me (peaceful Baptist that I am) want to call down a pillar of fire to destroy the writer/editor/development crew.
The ending was the only thing they borrowed from the anime. By that, I mean that, of the above paragraph, they only included the train wreck of an ending in the game. All of the other points are gone. As I said, it takes talent to ruin a promising universe like FMA. But it was achieved.
Normally, I don't have a problem with English voice-dubs. Sometimes they're worse than the Japanese, sometimes better. This game uses the English voice actors from the anime itself. The problem with that is... the voice-actors for Mustang and Armstrong were awful! It wasn't even so bad that you could laugh at it: it was a canker, something that you can do nothing about but suffer through until it ends! Nothing redeemable about it! Then they had the nerve of bringing in Hawkeye (whose voice was remarkably decent,) and give her maybe three short scenes. In the entire game! Edward's and Alphonse's were okay, but the witty lines were given in the game itself (which had no voices,) and the vast majority of the bad ones were in cutscenes (which had the voice-overs.) Was Square-Enix consciously trying to insult the people that had gotten the game for... I don't know... the Full Metal Alchemist characters!?
The only redeeming factor is the battle system. FMA is built for battles. Transmutation of objects is a very nifty power. However, there's just one problem. In the anime/manga, it is stressed that alchemy is a science. It is emphasized that the Rule of Equivalent Exchange (you must offer something of equal value in order for alchemy to work,) is the rule, and it can't be circumvented except under special circumstances.
In the game, you can transmute a hay cart into a katana. You get a pogo stick from a lantern. A tank from a freaking filing cabinet! You can 'charge' your weapons with elements, for crying out loud! Did someone from Square-Enix just decide, "Hey, why have alchemy in Full Metal Alchemist when we can just go for magic?" What's the point!? Couldn't they just have added in, possibly, five more weapons, and just gone for alchemy?
EDIT: Switchblade reminded me of two more things that I had forgotten in the original rant. Namely, this game has three Square-Enix standbys. The first two are relatively minor. Namely: the Mary Sue gets crucified, and you can't win the final boss battle. It's easy to overlook that, so let me repeat it. The Mary Sue gets crucified. For no good reason. She just is. Is that not annoying? And you can't win the final battle. It's Mustang and Armstrong. They are normal humans. It should be possible to defeat them. The end result (and what they want the player to experience,) will happen even if the fight takes only a short time, and wouldn't the effect be that much better? But no! Armstrong and Roy are invincible, though you don't know this (because they still take damage) until you've wasted most of your inventory. That wouldn't be so bad, if they didn't want you to go through the game again!
But the worst fault is the well-known 'angel' phenomenon. Namely: the Mary Sue has an angel wing. Just one. (You can make your 'One Winged Angel' jokes now.) We don't know why. It's supposed to be a legendary artifact, but how does that work? It's a bloody wing! And in case you're wondering... yes, in the traumatic ending, there are feathers everywhere. But that's not as bad as the premise.
You see, Ms. Mary Sue can't actually do alchemy. There's a spoiler reason for me not saying why, but suffice the fact that it's there. She can't do alchemy. Period. But! It is revealed that, if she didn't have the reason that she couldn't do alchemy, she'd be a genius alchemist! Like Edward! She'd have been such a good alchemist that just the array traced by her can cause entire bloody fields to bloom! And Edward falls in love with her! And she's spunky but ultimately helpless, needing the hero to rescue her! And she's everyone's favorite character!
She also makes me sick. That takes, as has been said before, talent. But at the start, they showed just a little bit of promise, that she could have been the not-Mary Sue that I was looking forward to. But, it just devolved into banality and triteness.
I think that's the worst part of the game: the fact that, with a little more effort, a little more dedication, could have made an awesome game. Like I said, Full Metal Alchemist is a fandom with nearly limitless possibilities, and only a few hard-and-fast rules. So why, then, did Square-Enix decide that they would narrow those possibilities, and ignore those few rules?
Oh, wait, I know the worst part of this game: the fact that I paid $40 for it. No, there's something even worse: Wayne told me, before I went out to get this game, "Draco, the reviews are mixed. There aren't any ratings below four, but there aren't any above eight, either. You may want to get another game." Then I ignored him, and he's laughing at me! *gnashes teeth in frustration*
Why did Square-Enix have to prove Wayne right? Again!?