A Concise History of Early Religion & its Inestimable Perversion of Human Thought & Behavior
[Early Human 1 and Early Human 2 walking down a hill in the light of a setting sun. The village lies in shadow below them, though light from every hearth can be seen through the windows of the mud and brick buildings.]
2: God told me that our village needs to pay tribute to him.
1: Why?
2: So he doesn’t get cheesed off and destroy us.
1: Oh God! How can we persuade someone as powerful as He?
2: He really likes fried chicken.
1: What?
2: Well, He likes the smell of fried chicken but he doesn’t want to cook it himself, especially since he doesn’t care for the taste. So, if you buy one of my chickens and fry it up, God’ll smell it and get his rocks off. Then he won’t kill your children.
1: Jesus! Why would he do that? My poor little Maggie-
2: Calm down. He won’t do it if you cook him some chicken. Also, he said you should invite me over for dinner.