The In Between Place

[loradona]

I remember once having a conversation with a friend about a time she was put on hold.  She had been informed by the person on the other line that she would be transferred, and then... nothing.  No friendly "hello" on the other end, no annoying music, no dial tone.  Just nothing.  She tried saying hello, to see if the person was there who did not realize a call had been transferred, but there was no response.  As she put it to me, she was "stuck in the 'in between place'."

Right now, that's how I feel, I am caught in the In Between Place.  I feel this way for several reasons. 

1. It is summer time, and I am at the point where I can relax and forget that I don't have a job, and it feels okay, because it's just summer vacation, right?  This is an easy In Between Place to be.  I am easily distracted by sleeping in late, going to the Portland Rose Garden, and the beach.  I enjoy this place, and it is simple and almost reflexive.  That is about to end, however, since next week is the week where many school districts, including my former employer, return to work.  As everyone returns to a normal schedule but me, it will become more obvious that I am in this In Between Place, and not just summer vacation.  
2. I am in between jobs.  I used to have a job, and I used to teach, and I used to have students.  In the future, at some undefined, nebulous point, I may have a job, teach, and have students again.  Right now, not so much.  This is an uncomfortable In Between Place to be.  There are limits to my funds and ability to look out for myself.  I am in between points in my life where I can sustain myself, and while In Between Place #1 can distract me from realizing there is an In Between Place #2, that reality is very obvious, particularly when I allow my mind to wander and don't fill it with things from Place #1. 
3. I feel like I am in this In Between Place where I am not an adult and not a child.  This is greatly assisted by my presence in Places #1 and 2.  I have moved back home, back to the bedroom I had when I was in high school.  Sometimes it feels like summer vacation will end and I will go back to AHS and take classes, and complain about school with my friends, gossip about who's dating whom, and roll my eyes about the football team's losing streak.  But on the other hand, I have my own car.  I have my own expenses.  I am thirty, for crying out loud.  Instead of looking at returning to high school, I am looking at...  I don't know.  What is there when the future seems to drop off in front of you? 

In some ways, being in the In Between Place is not so bad; it's like being in a state of suspended animation.  But in some ways, that's the worst part.  Nothing changes.  I'm stuck In Between.  And how do you get out of the In Between Place? I feel like if I had a job (meaning, if In Between Place #2 did not exist), In Between Places #1 and 3 would not exist, or not for the prolonged state they are. But until that happens, you can find me in the In Between Place.  Come visit.  Sometimes the In Between Place is awkward on your own.