Looking for Jobs in Unusual Places
I had a dream the other night that I was babysitting... the Obama girls.
I was being a very educational babysitter, too, because I took them to the library. Unfortunately, the library was so big that I lost one of them (I think it was Sasha). I felt horrible! I dragged Malia around trying to find her sister, but she was nowhere to be found.
We left the library, which apparently abutted a train station, because then Malia pulled me onto a cargo car, hobo-style, and said she was sure we'd find Sasha if we took the train.
All I could think about was that Mrs. Obama was going to KILL me. I lost her daughter!
All of this is very strange, most of all because I've never given much thought to President Obama's kids. He has kids, and that means very little to me.
But then I thought: Maybe President Obama would like to employ an unemployed teacher to tutor his children. So I'd like to put this out there:
Hey President and Mrs. Obama! I'd love to work with your kids. I promise I wouldn't lose them, despite what my subconscious tries to say. I'm a certified teacher with good qualifications, and I am even considered Highly Qualified according to your predecessor's NCLB requirements.
Plus, if you hired me, you would be directly helping the economy to recover! I'll bet that would look good to the public.
I don't drink or smoke, so I would set a good example.
I am best with writing and literature, but I am smart and a good motivator. I have helped students with all sorts of subjects, so I'll bet I'd be good with your kids, too. I've even tutored algebra. I'm pretty good with quadratics.
Maybe you've never thought of hiring a tutor. After all, I'm sure your girls are bright. However, you can never be too careful, especially as Malia is about to enter her teen years and be really rebellious and all. You could use a sensible teacher type to make sure she stays on the straight and narrow, unlike those Bush girls.
And what about those functions where both of you need to be in attendance? I can easily shift from teacher to nanny. In fact, not all that long ago, someone who did that was called a governess, and "governess" sounds a lot like "government," doesn't it? I take that as a sign that you should hire me.
If you have any questions about my qualifications or experience, have your people call my people. I'm sure I don't have to tell you my phone number; just ask the CIA! I can start any time.
Sincerely,
Loradona
I was being a very educational babysitter, too, because I took them to the library. Unfortunately, the library was so big that I lost one of them (I think it was Sasha). I felt horrible! I dragged Malia around trying to find her sister, but she was nowhere to be found.
We left the library, which apparently abutted a train station, because then Malia pulled me onto a cargo car, hobo-style, and said she was sure we'd find Sasha if we took the train.
All I could think about was that Mrs. Obama was going to KILL me. I lost her daughter!
All of this is very strange, most of all because I've never given much thought to President Obama's kids. He has kids, and that means very little to me.
But then I thought: Maybe President Obama would like to employ an unemployed teacher to tutor his children. So I'd like to put this out there:
Hey President and Mrs. Obama! I'd love to work with your kids. I promise I wouldn't lose them, despite what my subconscious tries to say. I'm a certified teacher with good qualifications, and I am even considered Highly Qualified according to your predecessor's NCLB requirements.
Plus, if you hired me, you would be directly helping the economy to recover! I'll bet that would look good to the public.
I don't drink or smoke, so I would set a good example.
I am best with writing and literature, but I am smart and a good motivator. I have helped students with all sorts of subjects, so I'll bet I'd be good with your kids, too. I've even tutored algebra. I'm pretty good with quadratics.
Maybe you've never thought of hiring a tutor. After all, I'm sure your girls are bright. However, you can never be too careful, especially as Malia is about to enter her teen years and be really rebellious and all. You could use a sensible teacher type to make sure she stays on the straight and narrow, unlike those Bush girls.
And what about those functions where both of you need to be in attendance? I can easily shift from teacher to nanny. In fact, not all that long ago, someone who did that was called a governess, and "governess" sounds a lot like "government," doesn't it? I take that as a sign that you should hire me.
If you have any questions about my qualifications or experience, have your people call my people. I'm sure I don't have to tell you my phone number; just ask the CIA! I can start any time.
Sincerely,
Loradona