vent.
so im pretty upset with this new camp situation.
the new boy counslors are juniors in high school. bad move. since when will the older boys listen to anyone let alone someone whos only 3 years older and not that big or intimidating.
oh andd im sorry, since when do we hire high school kids except under special circumstances...those being seth, me, and katy.
i just wanted to have people my own age to work with.
and i should be the assistant director. i have been with that camp as a counselor for 4 summers. ive been there longer then the director. and it used to be seniority...you work youre way up. but apparently if your the directors daughter you get to steal that job from me. thats complete bullshit let me tell you.
im just not looking forward to the camp meeting saturday morning. i dont want camp to change and donna wants to change it. wont work. weve tried change, kids dont like it, i hate it...so no...it will not happen.
have you just ever been so frustrated because the system will just not work in your favor?
im going to be such a punk on saturday because i dont like any of this already.
ill rock a baseball hat and cross the arms.
like i should be damn respected at that camp. and i dont get it. too bad its too good money to give up. and i love the kids too much.
i just want to work with older people
ive always been the youngest...and now im going to be the oldest...like thats crap can i just work with someone my own age? apprently not.
these kids wont last. because they wont be able to control the boys. you know what this means, im going to have the boy groups all summer...the hard boys who are out of freaking control.
i love camp so much and i feel like its being ruined.
cvs is good though. today was a bad day...because i had about a million insurance changes, voids, paper jams, and people just being exhausting. standing and being bubly for 7+ hours is really tiring.
in other news, my family is leaving for the week saturday morning. so at least something good is happening that day.
dad is turning 50 and its fathers day bettwen the saturday and sunday. anddd i wont be there. but its npot a big deal, im not very interested in going to nh for a week. ill take the house to myself.
going to six flads in 7 hours. and of course i cant sleep. this is like de ja vu with the decemeber ski trip with katie. except my parents are being terrible and i dont have a midnight visitor.
i also realized how terrible this summer is really going to be. im work 70-80 hours a week. and im not going anywhere. my high lights are tomorrow and my boirthday weekend. its just so depressing and disheartening. because i have nothing to look forward to. and i know im going to be exhausted every single day and sure ill have tons of money, and it will be worth it one day, but that day seems so far off (that day being our cruise senior spring break).
i really want to just go pull a dawsons creek and wrap myself in a blanket and light a candle and go sit on my dock and stare out into the water. of course i wouldnt have that movie moment of romance but whatev.
you know what else. cvs is begining to make me so stressed out over school. like the more i work there, the more i feel the pressure to get into pharmacy school. that proabbly sounds like im only doing it for other people, which you all know im not, i really truely love pharmacy. but im so scared that im not going to get in and now i have a million other people i am going to be letting down besides myself, my family, my friends. i just want it so bad, like no one could possoibly understand how greatly i want this, more than anything else in the world. i have never felt anything this strong for anything in my life. not family, friends, or running. like i know this is what im meant to do with my life and im so scared im just going to mess it up and its not going to work out. i have failed at so much in my life already, i just need some luck on my side this next academic year.
anyo ne remmeber that real world where johnny says "wow its exhausting just talking to you" and then paula says "yea, can you imagine being me" and thats totally how i feel. i think people see what i want them to see about my life. and they cannot understand the magnitude at which i feel things or how deeply hurt or scarred i am and how deeply i love people.
and im on a diet...ive lost 4 lbs...not a lot, but i only weigh myself on sundays so well see how much furher down i get.as the summer progresses. i really love the plan im on. some days its harder then others though.
ive been getting headaches alot lately and im not sure exactly why. i never get headaches.
and these stroms. killing me. my arm cannot handle the pressure. like the pain is weird, i dont know if you can understand what its like to feel pain in your bone, its so deep, and nothing feels right. my hand goes numb alot more often latley and its tending to biurl a little which is bad news because that ,eans my nerves may be getting pinched. and then theres the shoulder, i think i pop it out when i sleep and do certain things, not like a huge dislocation, but a little bit, and itsbegining to strecth out my rotator cuff.
wow im pretty good at typing in the dark, why i dont have the light on i dont know, just dont feel like going to my door or bed to turn one on.
i havent gone swimming yet. i want to. but theres no time, and the familia is taking the boat with them sense they have a boat slip.
ok i think im tired. so im gonna try to sleep now. good night and thanks for reading i guess.
the new boy counslors are juniors in high school. bad move. since when will the older boys listen to anyone let alone someone whos only 3 years older and not that big or intimidating.
oh andd im sorry, since when do we hire high school kids except under special circumstances...those being seth, me, and katy.
i just wanted to have people my own age to work with.
and i should be the assistant director. i have been with that camp as a counselor for 4 summers. ive been there longer then the director. and it used to be seniority...you work youre way up. but apparently if your the directors daughter you get to steal that job from me. thats complete bullshit let me tell you.
im just not looking forward to the camp meeting saturday morning. i dont want camp to change and donna wants to change it. wont work. weve tried change, kids dont like it, i hate it...so no...it will not happen.
have you just ever been so frustrated because the system will just not work in your favor?
im going to be such a punk on saturday because i dont like any of this already.
ill rock a baseball hat and cross the arms.
like i should be damn respected at that camp. and i dont get it. too bad its too good money to give up. and i love the kids too much.
i just want to work with older people
ive always been the youngest...and now im going to be the oldest...like thats crap can i just work with someone my own age? apprently not.
these kids wont last. because they wont be able to control the boys. you know what this means, im going to have the boy groups all summer...the hard boys who are out of freaking control.
i love camp so much and i feel like its being ruined.
cvs is good though. today was a bad day...because i had about a million insurance changes, voids, paper jams, and people just being exhausting. standing and being bubly for 7+ hours is really tiring.
in other news, my family is leaving for the week saturday morning. so at least something good is happening that day.
dad is turning 50 and its fathers day bettwen the saturday and sunday. anddd i wont be there. but its npot a big deal, im not very interested in going to nh for a week. ill take the house to myself.
going to six flads in 7 hours. and of course i cant sleep. this is like de ja vu with the decemeber ski trip with katie. except my parents are being terrible and i dont have a midnight visitor.
i also realized how terrible this summer is really going to be. im work 70-80 hours a week. and im not going anywhere. my high lights are tomorrow and my boirthday weekend. its just so depressing and disheartening. because i have nothing to look forward to. and i know im going to be exhausted every single day and sure ill have tons of money, and it will be worth it one day, but that day seems so far off (that day being our cruise senior spring break).
i really want to just go pull a dawsons creek and wrap myself in a blanket and light a candle and go sit on my dock and stare out into the water. of course i wouldnt have that movie moment of romance but whatev.
you know what else. cvs is begining to make me so stressed out over school. like the more i work there, the more i feel the pressure to get into pharmacy school. that proabbly sounds like im only doing it for other people, which you all know im not, i really truely love pharmacy. but im so scared that im not going to get in and now i have a million other people i am going to be letting down besides myself, my family, my friends. i just want it so bad, like no one could possoibly understand how greatly i want this, more than anything else in the world. i have never felt anything this strong for anything in my life. not family, friends, or running. like i know this is what im meant to do with my life and im so scared im just going to mess it up and its not going to work out. i have failed at so much in my life already, i just need some luck on my side this next academic year.
anyo ne remmeber that real world where johnny says "wow its exhausting just talking to you" and then paula says "yea, can you imagine being me" and thats totally how i feel. i think people see what i want them to see about my life. and they cannot understand the magnitude at which i feel things or how deeply hurt or scarred i am and how deeply i love people.
and im on a diet...ive lost 4 lbs...not a lot, but i only weigh myself on sundays so well see how much furher down i get.as the summer progresses. i really love the plan im on. some days its harder then others though.
ive been getting headaches alot lately and im not sure exactly why. i never get headaches.
and these stroms. killing me. my arm cannot handle the pressure. like the pain is weird, i dont know if you can understand what its like to feel pain in your bone, its so deep, and nothing feels right. my hand goes numb alot more often latley and its tending to biurl a little which is bad news because that ,eans my nerves may be getting pinched. and then theres the shoulder, i think i pop it out when i sleep and do certain things, not like a huge dislocation, but a little bit, and itsbegining to strecth out my rotator cuff.
wow im pretty good at typing in the dark, why i dont have the light on i dont know, just dont feel like going to my door or bed to turn one on.
i havent gone swimming yet. i want to. but theres no time, and the familia is taking the boat with them sense they have a boat slip.
ok i think im tired. so im gonna try to sleep now. good night and thanks for reading i guess.