Its getting harder to fight by myself........

[loompa_kid]

I want to thank everyone that commented on my last entry.......it meant a lot to me. I really want to change who i am cuz i really fucked up these past couple of months. I used to be the kid that everyone kinda enjoyed to have around but i never thought so. I always thought i was the kid that people said hi to cuz they wanted to be nice. I never had any confidence and i always thought girls never liked me cuz i was ugly. Maybe im ugly but i decided not to care at all when i grew my hair out. I figured that if a girl thinks i look good with my hair long then that will be my confidence. I realized that it wasnt how i looked that got a girl. It was how i acted but my hair was my confidence to talk to a girl. i miss how i was at the beginning of the school year when people were wondering what happened to me and why was my hair so long. I messed up really bad and got it all cut off cuz of a mistake i made based on my feelings. I dont really know if i look good with long hair and/or short. But maybe some of u can answer that for me but i dont care really. It never really meant anything to me these past couple of months cuz i was too busy doing drugs to even care. I had some fun while i did them but it just wasnt worth all this trouble that i got. My life these past couple of months was basically how far can i push my parents trust in me. And i finally reached the top of the glass on this last mistake and i dont think they can ever trust me again. I started to go to a church to help me out and it is starting to make my parents trust me a little more. I wish that i cud go back and start over 2005 in a better way then i did. I fucked up my schooling and anything u can think of. I always thought that everyone had a destiny and u cudnt change it and it is what u get. It turns out that u create ur own destiny by what u do. I used to believe that the past was just something that u dont need to worry about and u cant change it. But what if u cud? What wud u change? I wud change these past six months for sure. I fucked up so mucht that it will effect me for 6 years and i want it all to stop. If i dont stop now im scheduled for a fall.

So let me take this medicine to quench my love for violent things.......

Kozma