(no subject)
I don't know if I'm excited for Christmas this year, things will be different, but maybe thats a good thing, because last year was a disater, and I couldn't even stand it, let alone keep up the happy loving exciting persona of me.. I couldn't. I don't know Christmas is a month away and were already making the scedual for it like next week and I'm not happy, because I might end up working, and I don't get a holiday, I can't even afford a holiday, I can't afford anything. That hurts to even say because my mom doesn't know if she'll have a job and that scares me even more, because I'm going away, and shes trying to put away money for me and my sister, when she can barley afford to.. God I love my mom.
I really wish I could tell my mom I loved her for everything she does for me, but it's too werid, I love just seeing her smile, but winter is such a hard time for her and it makes me sad. I love both my parents and I wish they could both be happy, because my mom not happy with who she is, well not exactly, inno I love her, and I really hope she knows that.
Bc is comming really fast and that scares me too, like what happens if I screw up there, and then I have no safe place, like everwhere I go I have this fear of me being an idiot, and it will be worse because I guess I feel like I've grown out of being who I use to be, the me that I fear here, it's werid how I feel attached to a personality in a place. I don't know I miss being me, and who I use to be, but at the same time I don't.. I know, I wish I knew I wish I knew what to do and how to act and everything in that sort of thing. I went to my first ultimate game and I was late so I didn't get to play, but thats alright because I got to meet some of the team and they are really awesome and I'm really excited because I really like seeing them and how happy they are, and it makes me happy because I can be that happy with them:)... and Christeen( I can't spell), and Paul, are on the team and they are the most awesomest people ever!! I'm sooooooooooo happy:):):):)!! yah but scared also!
Kella
I really wish I could tell my mom I loved her for everything she does for me, but it's too werid, I love just seeing her smile, but winter is such a hard time for her and it makes me sad. I love both my parents and I wish they could both be happy, because my mom not happy with who she is, well not exactly, inno I love her, and I really hope she knows that.
Bc is comming really fast and that scares me too, like what happens if I screw up there, and then I have no safe place, like everwhere I go I have this fear of me being an idiot, and it will be worse because I guess I feel like I've grown out of being who I use to be, the me that I fear here, it's werid how I feel attached to a personality in a place. I don't know I miss being me, and who I use to be, but at the same time I don't.. I know, I wish I knew I wish I knew what to do and how to act and everything in that sort of thing. I went to my first ultimate game and I was late so I didn't get to play, but thats alright because I got to meet some of the team and they are really awesome and I'm really excited because I really like seeing them and how happy they are, and it makes me happy because I can be that happy with them:)... and Christeen( I can't spell), and Paul, are on the team and they are the most awesomest people ever!! I'm sooooooooooo happy:):):):)!! yah but scared also!
Kella