Categories and acceptance
After spending a lot of time observing the "gay community" (a misnomer if there ever was one) I've finally come to the conclusion that gay guys basically fall into one of two categories:
-- guys who are sexually gay, but who see themselves integrated into society as a whole
-- guys who are not only sexually but "culturally" gay, by which I mean they don't really feel as if they have a place in what they regard as "straight culture" so they prefer instead to socialize, live, and work in a gay environment wherever possible.
I'll say two things right up front. I don't think anyone should criticize another gay person because he falls into one category or the other. There are plenty of valid reasons why someone might prefer one category vs. the other, and it might not even be a conscious decision.
I'll also say that I'm much more of an "integrated into society" type of person, and that affects my view of the other group. In fact, I don't care for gay clubs, most of my friends are straight, and the "gay scene" pretty much makes me want to puke.
My problem comes when other gays reject me as being "in denial," or "not gay enough," or a "closet case." I'll admit that I have my problems, but those criticisms aren't really fair. I am who I am, and I don't feel obligated to fit anybody else's mold. It's actually taken me a long time to figure out that I don't have to be a part of someone else's gay stereotype.
I do see some major issues with a gay community that chooses to ghettoize itself. How can we ever expect to gain acceptance by society if we're seen as a group that's separate and apart? I think that's actually true of any minority group -- you should still be true to who you are while feeling totally comfortable in, and accepted by, the larger society. Isn't that the ideal of the American way?
-- guys who are sexually gay, but who see themselves integrated into society as a whole
-- guys who are not only sexually but "culturally" gay, by which I mean they don't really feel as if they have a place in what they regard as "straight culture" so they prefer instead to socialize, live, and work in a gay environment wherever possible.
I'll say two things right up front. I don't think anyone should criticize another gay person because he falls into one category or the other. There are plenty of valid reasons why someone might prefer one category vs. the other, and it might not even be a conscious decision.
I'll also say that I'm much more of an "integrated into society" type of person, and that affects my view of the other group. In fact, I don't care for gay clubs, most of my friends are straight, and the "gay scene" pretty much makes me want to puke.
My problem comes when other gays reject me as being "in denial," or "not gay enough," or a "closet case." I'll admit that I have my problems, but those criticisms aren't really fair. I am who I am, and I don't feel obligated to fit anybody else's mold. It's actually taken me a long time to figure out that I don't have to be a part of someone else's gay stereotype.
I do see some major issues with a gay community that chooses to ghettoize itself. How can we ever expect to gain acceptance by society if we're seen as a group that's separate and apart? I think that's actually true of any minority group -- you should still be true to who you are while feeling totally comfortable in, and accepted by, the larger society. Isn't that the ideal of the American way?