Wow, it's been three years...
since I've written in this thing. I came across a livejornal email in my email archives, and I wondered if this thing was still alive. Apparently it is.
Holy cow. In my head I had it that it had only been two years since I last wrote here, but in actuality it's been three. That's because I am in total denial that it's been two years, almost, since I graduated college.
Much has changed. I now live with the boy (no longer in flat 'ol Ohio...sorry, Ohioans, he hated it there) as of about two weeks ago. That is a good thing. Our apartment is great, and so far we have avoided major fights about dirty socks and the like.
I now have a 9-to-5. I hate, hate, hate 9-to-5. I feel as if there must be something defective with me because I just have problems holding down one job. This is my second 9-to-5 since I graduated, and if I could think up a way to live on my own and pay the bills without having a 9-to-5, I would do it in a heartbeat. I hate never getting enough sleep. I hate office politics. I hate this absurd pressure to workworkwork and be so full of ambition that you barely have time to have a life, see a movie, cook dinner for yourself because you are too busy trying to win the rat race, which is futile, let me tell you. But what else can I do? I've got bills to pay. The job that I have now is a temp. thing until the end of May, but they are hiring full time for this position. If I were a smart, directed person, I'd not be writng in my livejornal right now, I'd be doing some work. But I don't have much to do and none of my bosses are here and I am just tired. I would like to go home and take a nap and it is only ten AM. I really don't think I can do this for the rest of my life. It's a terrible feeling because I want to be able to do this the rest of my life. It would be easier. This job is not bad, actually quite the opposite. I just resent having to be somewhere every day for what feels like the rest of my life.
I am not filled with ambition and drive and moxie. Should I be? Is there something wrong with me? I want to please people and do a good job, but...not so much that I refrain from checking my email and making personal calls to retain my sanity.
Argh.
So. A few weeks ago my car was rearended and totaled. Dealing with insurance companies is the most miserable thing to do in perhaps the entire world. They are miserable people. I truly do not know how anyone can work in insurance. Selling it, perhaps, but being a claim adjustor or the person that offers me no money for a car that their client destroyed, how can someone be that mean? I want to have faith that the world is good, but seeing the nastiness and greed of these people makes me very sad. It's not that I'm pissed that I didn't get enough money for my car, which I didn't, really. It's that these people try to screw you in the blink of an eye to make money for who? Their scumbag CEO's private jet? It's really a miserable thing how corporate America screws its own employees just so the top dogs can have more money. And we're all forced to go along because we have bills to pay. More CEOs to feed. It's a highly discouraging world.
Wow, I guess I am in a glum mood. It's hard to be optimistic sometimes. The things that make me happy anymore are purely artificial, like trips to IKEA and spicy olives. And that's ok. It is the little things that count in life, but I just get down when I think about the bigger picture. I've gotta brainstorm my way into a more free life. Ideas, anyone?
Holy cow. In my head I had it that it had only been two years since I last wrote here, but in actuality it's been three. That's because I am in total denial that it's been two years, almost, since I graduated college.
Much has changed. I now live with the boy (no longer in flat 'ol Ohio...sorry, Ohioans, he hated it there) as of about two weeks ago. That is a good thing. Our apartment is great, and so far we have avoided major fights about dirty socks and the like.
I now have a 9-to-5. I hate, hate, hate 9-to-5. I feel as if there must be something defective with me because I just have problems holding down one job. This is my second 9-to-5 since I graduated, and if I could think up a way to live on my own and pay the bills without having a 9-to-5, I would do it in a heartbeat. I hate never getting enough sleep. I hate office politics. I hate this absurd pressure to workworkwork and be so full of ambition that you barely have time to have a life, see a movie, cook dinner for yourself because you are too busy trying to win the rat race, which is futile, let me tell you. But what else can I do? I've got bills to pay. The job that I have now is a temp. thing until the end of May, but they are hiring full time for this position. If I were a smart, directed person, I'd not be writng in my livejornal right now, I'd be doing some work. But I don't have much to do and none of my bosses are here and I am just tired. I would like to go home and take a nap and it is only ten AM. I really don't think I can do this for the rest of my life. It's a terrible feeling because I want to be able to do this the rest of my life. It would be easier. This job is not bad, actually quite the opposite. I just resent having to be somewhere every day for what feels like the rest of my life.
I am not filled with ambition and drive and moxie. Should I be? Is there something wrong with me? I want to please people and do a good job, but...not so much that I refrain from checking my email and making personal calls to retain my sanity.
Argh.
So. A few weeks ago my car was rearended and totaled. Dealing with insurance companies is the most miserable thing to do in perhaps the entire world. They are miserable people. I truly do not know how anyone can work in insurance. Selling it, perhaps, but being a claim adjustor or the person that offers me no money for a car that their client destroyed, how can someone be that mean? I want to have faith that the world is good, but seeing the nastiness and greed of these people makes me very sad. It's not that I'm pissed that I didn't get enough money for my car, which I didn't, really. It's that these people try to screw you in the blink of an eye to make money for who? Their scumbag CEO's private jet? It's really a miserable thing how corporate America screws its own employees just so the top dogs can have more money. And we're all forced to go along because we have bills to pay. More CEOs to feed. It's a highly discouraging world.
Wow, I guess I am in a glum mood. It's hard to be optimistic sometimes. The things that make me happy anymore are purely artificial, like trips to IKEA and spicy olives. And that's ok. It is the little things that count in life, but I just get down when I think about the bigger picture. I've gotta brainstorm my way into a more free life. Ideas, anyone?