CWRPS fic: Your Brains Are No Match For My Tractorbeam 3/3 (Jared/Jensen, NC-17)
Jared comes over at some point and leaves a bowl of soup, with a note that says he's at work and will check on Jensen when he gets back, as well as a numbered list of steps to heat up the soup to maximum deliciousness.
If Jensen hadn't already been in love with Jared, that probably would have pushed him over the edge.
He wraps a blanket over himself and Jared's hoodie and makes his way into the kitchen with his soup and his instructions. His mouth tastes like cotton and his throat hurts horribly, but his day is definitely looking up. Jared's note did not say anything about how Jensen got sick and disgusting all over him (even though he totally did), which means Jared is an amazingly forgiving person who maybe hasn't figured out that Jensen has a crush on him the size of a Star Destroyer.
The soup is still warm and still good, and Jensen settles down in a nest on his couch to play The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. He's got a shitload of time to kill.
*
Jared takes care of Jensen faithfully throughout his sickness. He also makes no comment on Jensen's excessive affection the first night, so Jensen figures he explained Jensen's actions away in some other way. Jensen isn't sure how, but he was pretty sick. It's possible that he hallucinated drooling all over Jared's shoulder. He had a pretty bad fever, after all.
But then, on Tuesday, after Jensen gets back from his first day of post-sickness work, Jared comes to visit. Which, in and of itself, isn't noteworthy. But Jared knocks on the door like a normal person instead of just barging in, and once he gets in he paces around the apartment instead of immediately sprawling out on the couch like he normally does.
"How are you feeling?" he asks. "Was work okay?"
"Yeah, it was fine," says Jensen. "Seriously, thanks for helping out. I know I'm a pretty bad sick person."
Jared laughs, a little nervously. "It was kind of my fault. Gotta man up, you know?"
"Yeah," says Jensen. Jared's pacing is making him confused, and Jared's nervousness is making him nervous. Overall, he doesn't know what's happening.
There's silence for a long moment before Jared says, "Hey," in an odd tone. He's skirting his hand over Jensen's laptop, looking down at the table intently. "You never like my boyfriends."
"You don't like your boyfriends either," Jensen points out. "Or most of your girlfriends. I'm amazed you ever dated Sandy, honestly. She's so far outside your type."
"My type being assholes?"
"I wasn't going to say that," says Jensen.
Jared smiles, still not looking at Jensen. "You're getting better at that. You know, thinking before you talk."
"Yeah, someday I'll be a real boy," says Jensen, trying to lighten the weird tone of the conversation.
Jared laughs, but not for long. "I hope not."
"Hey," says Jensen, giving up, "what's up? You're acting weird. Even I can tell."
"Halloween," says Jared, looking up at Jensen for the first time. "I kissed you. And you stopped me."
Jensen swallows. "Yes." Because that is undeniably true.
"See," Jared says carefully, looking back down at the laptop. "I thought it was because you weren't interested."
Jensen bites back a laugh. The idea is ridiculous, and he'd say it, except he doesn't want to stop Jared now. He really wants to know where this is going.
"But now I'm thinking--you thought I didn't mean it, right?"
"Uh," says Jensen.
"And then you asked me out, and I thought it was as friends, and I kept dating other people, and, basically, we're both stupid," says Jared brightly. "So. You want to go out with me tonight?"
Jensen coughs. He coughs for a long time. "What?"
"On a date," Jared clarifies. "You and me on a date."
"Oh," says Jensen. "You--seriously?"
Jared grins, wide and true. "Absolutely."
"Then, uh. Yeah. Definitely."
"Dinner?" says Jared.
"Yeah," says Jensen. He's kind of dazed. Not even kind of, actually. He's completely poleaxed.
"I'll come pick you up at seven," says Jared.
"You know I don't eat a lot of stuff, right?" says Jensen. "I only like four restaurants."
"I know."
"And I'm kind of crazy."
"Yup."
"You really want to go out with me?"
Jared leans down and kisses Jensen entirely too briefly.
"You have no idea."
"Oh," breathes Jensen.
"So I'll see you at seven," says Jared, and lets himself out.
*
"He asked you out?" asks Chad.
"For the fifth time, yes."
"He asked you out?"
"For the sixth time, yes," says Jensen. "Can we move on yet? We need to move on."
"He kissed you?" says Gabe.
"He kissed me before," Jensen points out. "Just he was drunk."
"Dude," says Chad. "I am a billion times hotter than you. He should have asked me out."
"But he didn't," says Jensen smugly.
"Yeah, fuck you," says Chad.
"God, he asked me out," says Jensen. "What am I going to wear?"
"Since when are you a girl?" asks Gabe.
"I can't wear this!" says Jensen. "Seriously. Green Lantern? No one gets laid wearing a Green Lantern shirt."
"You want to upgrade to Batman?" asks Gabe.
"I need to wear real clothes," says Jensen. "Nothing with a superhero on it."
"Do you even own anything like that?" asks Chad.
"God, I don't know." Jensen buries his face in his hands. "Seriously, this is the worst idea. Jared's is an alpha-male with an athletic body and evolutionarily desirable physical features, and I'm. Me."
"He asked you out," says Gabe. "He likes you."
Jensen drags himself up. "Okay, let's talk reality here. Jared typically dates tall, broad-shouldered men who wear button-down shirts and tight jeans. So, to be appealing to Jared, I need to look like that."
Chad and Gabe follow him into his room.
"He never dates anyone who wears glasses, so I should wear my contacts."
"Your contacts make your eyes water."
"I'll live. He doesn't date guys with spiky hair either."
"Jensen," says Gabe. "He dates you."
"Yeah, today! I gotta think long-term, Gabe. He probably thinks it's a good idea now because he dates bastard guys who don't treat him right. He thinks, hey, Jensen's nice. And I'm not even that nice! So I've gotta do something so he wants another date. Because last time, I was me, and we didn't go out again, and he didn't even notice it was supposed to be a date!"
"I'd go with Gabe and tell you to be yourself, but you're neurotic and fucked up," says Chad. "So let's do a fucking makeover."
"I think you're both idiots," says Gabe.
"Bitch, you can't even talk to girls," says Chad.
"Or tall people."
"Or Hispanic people."
"Or the handicapped," Jensen finishes.
"Shut up," says Gabe. "I still know this is a fucking stupid idea." He considers. "And I might have a girlfriend. So. Fuck you both."
"I just want him to like me," mutters Jensen. He pulls out a black button-down shirt his sister sent him a few years ago, hoping that he'd embrace fashion. "I'm not actually ugly, you know. I just dress weird. And I'm too dorky. So I just have to dress better and talk about normal stuff."
"What normal stuff do you know about?" asks Gabe.
"Tons of stuff!" says Jensen. "Normal people watch Lost, right?"
Chad rubs his forehead. "You are so fucking fucked, Jensen."
"I just have to take it one date at a time," says Jensen. "All I have to do on this one is get another."
He puts in one contact. The prescription is outdated and his eyes water as soon as it's in there. He gets the other one in and the world swims around him.
His jeans are too tight, his shirt is itchy, and he's slightly blind.
"How do I look?" asks Jensen.
"Awkward," says Chad.
"Uncomfortable," says Gabe.
"Hot?" asks Jensen.
"I'd fuck you," says Chad.
"That's not news," says Jensen. "You'd fuck anything."
"Wouldn't fuck Gabe," he says.
"I don't even know why I hang out with you guys," says Gabe.
"Cuz you can't talk to anyone else," says Chad.
"I thought you kind of liked me," says Jensen.
"Kind of," agrees Gabe. "And you're kind of hot, you know, for a dude. But it's stupid. Jared knows you, Jensen."
"Yeah, well, now he'll know I can be hot and not a total freakshow too," says Jensen. "So. It'll be awesome."
"Yeah," says Gabe. "Sure it will."
*
Jensen tries to play video games until seven, but he can't really see very well, and his palms are sweating so much that the controller actually slips out of his hands a couple times.
He does some calculations for his current project, holding the paper close to his face and doing his best to not think about Jared.
But he does, of course. Because Jared--Jared wanted to kiss him at Halloween. Jared had stopped because Jensen had stopped him, not because he wanted to. And now, Jared has expressed an interest, asked him out, and Jensen has nothing to be stressed about. He looks passably hot and normal, and maybe Jared will want to kiss him and fuck him and be his forever.
Jensen would take any one of those three, really.
He hears knocking a little before seven and kind of wants to die. He smooths down his shirt, swallows, and opens the door.
Jared looks shocked. He's wearing his usual button-down shirt and jeans, looking hot and polished as always. "Wow," he says. "Uh. What happened?"
"It's a date," says Jensen. "You dress up for dates."
Jared kind of pokes at his hair. "Did you gel your hair down?"
"Yes."
"Wow," Jared says again. Jensen can't be sure, but he doesn't think it's actually a good wow. "So, are we good to go?"
"Yeah," says Jensen. "Where are we going, anyway?"
"Pizza," says Jared. "You eat at the pizza place down the street, right?"
"Yeah." That's a little worrying, Jensen thinks. Pizza isn't really that romantic. Of course, neither is Big Boy, and Jared works at the Cheesecake Factory, so they can't go there, and the last time they went for Thai Jared hit on their waiter. So they are kind of out of options.
"Awesome," he says.
Jensen tries bringing up stuff Jared will enjoy talking about--he asks him about work, which there apparently isn't much to say about, and his acting search, which has been pretty fruitless. When Jared asks about Jensen's work, Jensen does not go into a long spiel about his current issues with string theory and instead asks about the game last night.
"What game?" asks Jared.
Fuck. "Whichever one you watched?" Jensen tries.
Jared gives him a weird look.
It gets awkward from there. Jensen tries really hard to be normal and rational, and Jared is just kind of closed-off and seems pissed. Which is a bizarre reversal from earlier in the day, when there was asking out and kissing. Jared isn't interested in talking about anything normal that Jensen can come up with, and he tries to be a good conversationalist by bringing up things Jensen likes, but the things Jensen likes are boring and technical and weird, so Jensen avoids those topics.
Jensen isn't sure how not being himself is making this more awkward. Jensen was pretty sure he'd found an apex of awkwardness, a level of awkward all other levels dreamed of achieving. But apparently, not so much.
*
After Jared drops him off, Jensen changes and feels like an idiot. It's an unfamiliar feeling, and he really, really hates it. It seemed impossible to think that he wouldn't at least get a good-night kiss, given he'd already gotten kissed twice on non-date occasions, but Jared Padalecki apparently lives to baffle him.
Still, tomorrow is another day and Jensen thinks he can apologize for whatever it is he did or didn't do and see if Jared is willing to give him one more chance. Jensen is sure he can be less geeky. He can read a book about sports or something. Or just go on wikipedia. He likes that idea, actually, and immediately wikis football, because, seriously, he's a genius. He should be able to figure out the rules of the American pastime. If people who wear trucker hats can do it, then Jensen can too. And then he can figure out ways to make it better. Without knowing anything except that a ball is involved, he's thinking lasers will help. Lasers always help.
The first paragraph is both boring and unchallenging, though, and Jensen welcomes the distraction when someone knocks on his door.
He opens it without thinking about his clothes--Flash t-shirt and flannel pajama pants--or his glasses or his hair, or really anything, so of course it's Jared.
"Okay, seriously, we need to talk," says Jared, and then he blinks. "Oh good, you didn't burn your clothes."
"What?"
"What the hell happened tonight?"
"An unsuccessful date?"
"Yeah, but why?"
"I think pizza isn't actually very good for dates. Not romantic."
"It wasn't the pizza! It was you."
Jensen flinches.
"No, I mean--Jesus, Jensen. What was with you earlier?"
"Nothing! I was being normal."
"Normal for who?"
Jensen is starting to get the problem, but he's not sure he likes it. "People!" he says. "The people you date."
"The people I date suck, Jensen," says Jared.
"But you date them," Jensen says quietly.
"God," says Jared, "for a genius, you're fucking retarded."
And then Jared leans down and gives Jensen a goodnight kiss that really doesn't feel like goodnight.
"I like," says Jared, with his lips still against Jensen's, "your stupid t-shirts and your weird pants and your geeky hobbies. Because they're real. And they're you. I like the way you never try to be anyone else," he says, pulling back enough that Jensen can see him roll his eyes after he says it. "Except, apparently, when I ask you out."
"I didn't want you to think you made a mistake," mutters Jensen. He's not sure why he admits it, but it seems important.
Jared laughs. "Yeah, you did really well with that."
"Shut up," says Jensen. "I had a lot of data on your relationships and preferences."
"Did you make a spreadsheet about my type?" asks Jared. "I bet you did. Can I see it?"
"No," says Jensen petulantly.
Jared's smile upgrades to a grin. "But you made one."
"Shut up."
"So," says Jared, stepping closer to Jensen. Given how close he already was to Jensen, this is somewhat alarming. But not objectionable. "What's it say?"
"What?"
Jared bends down to suck on Jensen's neck. "Your spreadsheet about my type."
"Uh," says Jensen, because Jared is giving him a hickey and he's having trouble thinking. Jensen's brain has never failed before, but Jared is giving him a hickey, and that's at least making his brain get a B+. Which is the closest it's ever come to failing. "Tall."
"Mm," says Jared. "You're tall."
"Attractive face."
"Check."
"Muscular."
"Good enough."
"You like," Jensen manages, as Jared slips a hand under his shirt, "lips and eyes."
"Christ, have you seen your lips and eyes?"
"Not very often," Jensen admits. "They're on my face."
"Well," says Jared. "You're fucking exactly my type. Once you get past the clothes and the glasses."
"Exactly!" says Jensen, and his scientific triumph is so awesome that he pulls away from Jared's wandering hands and mouth. "That's why I didn't wear them."
Jared's eyes go dark. "Trust me, Jensen," he says, "if you didn't wear clothes, that date would have gone really differently."
"We wouldn't have gotten into the restaurant," Jensen points out. "They have rules about that. No shirt, no shoes--"
Jared laughs, but it's kind of strained. "Just so I know what I'm getting myself into--you have a sex drive, right? Please, please say you have a sex drive. I know you've mentioned, like. That you have sex. Sometimes."
"Of course I have a sex drive," says Jensen. "I spent a month thinking I just wanted to sleep with you."
He immediately regrets saying that.
Jared grins. "What happened after a month?"
Jensen doesn't say anything. He can still save this situation.
"You stop wanting to sleep with me?"
"No!" says Jensen. It is imperative that Jared realizes Jensen still wants to sleep with him.
"Just not tonight?" asks Jared. "Cuz I can understand wanting to go slow."
Jensen blinks at this, reviews the evening.
Times Jared has kissed him: 2
Hickeys he has received from Jared: 1
Articles of clothing Jared was clearly thinking about removing from Jensen: 1
"Oh," says Jensen. Then he drags Jared's face down and kisses him.
Jared laughs into his mouth. "I swear to God, you're insane."
"Genius," mutters Jensen.
"Mad genius," says Jared. "Frankenstein style. Does it get you hot that I know Frankenstein is the doctor, not the monster?"
Jensen does not admit that it does.
Jared slides one hand under Jensen's shirt, places the other against Jensen's cheek and kisses him again, harder. It's almost like Halloween, except there's no alcohol on Jared's breath and Jensen understands much better what's happening.
Jensen grasps Jared's hips, walking backwards and pulling Jared towards his room. He's been wanting to fuck Jared since he first saw Jared, and if Jared is willing to ignore the disaster that was their first date and have sex anyway, Jensen certainly isn't going to object.
Jared's hand is roaming all over Jensen's chest, like he can't find where he likes best. Jensen groans when he brushes by a nipple, and Jared grins into his mouth. "Where's your bed?" he asks.
"I'm working on it," says Jensen, tugging Jared farther. Jared keeps kissing him, sloppy and distracting, and Jensen's weirdly sluggish brain takes longer than it should to remember where things are, how not to trip over small pieces of furniture and action figures. Jared, of course, never knew that, stumbles and laughs and curses, and Jensen can't believe this is actually happening.
Jared trips over the dresser and they tumble into the bed; Jensen's barely recovered when Jared's pulling off his shirt and mouthing at his chest, licking and tugging at his nipple.
That's one thing Jensen can't do better for himself, and he hisses and arches.
"Knew you'd be hot," murmurs Jared. "Fuck."
Jensen pulls himself together enough to tug Jared's shirt off too, to take in the broad planes and slopes of his body. His skin practically glows, which Jensen knows isn't possible and is him romanticizing, but he doesn't care. He almost wants to take a picture to send to Chad with a little :P face, except he doesn't really want to share this with anyone. And Chad might actually come over and try to join in. Chad's that guy.
Jared goes back to his nipple and Jensen laces his fingers in Jared's hair, tight in the curls at his neck. When Jared's mouth starts moving lower, Jensen almost wants to sing.
"Hey," says Jared, looking up from the vicinity of Jensen's fly. "Can I...?"
"Yeah," manages Jensen. "But I've got, uh. Some stuff first."
"Now?" says Jared. "Dude, my pants aren't even off yet, I can't do a condom."
"No," says Jensen, flailing at the nightstand. He finds his clipboard and shoves it at Jared.
Jared looks dazed. "Jensen. Why do I need a clipboard."
"It's how I like to be touched," says Jensen. "Ideal angles, amounts of--"
"Jensen," says Jared, "if you finish that sentence, we are never having sex."
"Why?"
"I can't even...you seriously did calculations about how to jerk off?"
"It was inefficient," mutters Jensen.
"That is the most freakish thing I have ever heard in my life," says Jared.
"I was sixteen," says Jensen. "It was distracting."
There's a pause. "So you experimented til you got it right?" asks Jared huskily.
"Of course," says Jensen.
"Jesus Christ," says Jared. He falls sideways so instead of being on top of Jensen, he's lying next to him on the bed.
"What?"
"Thinking about horny teenage you jerking off at every possible angle for hours."
"Yeah, pretty much," agrees Jensen.
"God, that's hot."
"I tried absolutely everything. That's why I have the chart. These are the best."
"Yeah," says Jared. "No. Cuz my hand is way bigger than yours. And I can use my mouth. So. You're gonna need some new data."
"Hmm," says Jensen. "You might be right."
"Trust me," says Jared, "I'm right."
Jensen's willing to agree until Jared starts kissing him again, because that means Jared's mouth is, sadly, no longer on Jensen's body.
But kissing Jared is better than Jensen had ever anticipated, even having kissed him before. Jared seems to like kissing, just likes having his mouth against Jensen's. Jensen surprises himself by liking it too.
Maybe being in love with someone means you like everything they do. Jensen isn't really sure.
Jared's hands move down Jensen's chest to the waistband of his pants, and Jensen wants to fucking cry. The closest he's come to sex since meeting Jared was that abortive attempt with Kyle, and what little they'd done was like eating a burger when he really wanted Thai. It hadn't helped the way he was fucking horny and fucking wanted Jared. It probably wouldn't have helped even if it had actually turned into sex.
He whimpers a little as Jared shoves his pajamas down and gets his hand around Jensen's dick. The thing is, Jared was right--his hands are gigantic and completely different from Jensen's own. All of Jensen's previous data is now completely useless, because Jensen has never done anything to himself that feels as good as Jared being all over him, Jared slowly jerking him off, Jared's lips still moving against Jensen's uncoordinatedly.
"Jesus," says Jensen, as Jared shifts, his mouth moving down onto Jensen's chin, possibly without his noticing.
Awkwardly, working around Jared's hands, Jensen manages to get Jared's jeans undone and shoves them down. Jared is still wearing underwear, though, and Jensen makes a noise of frustration.
Jared laughs shakily. "Come on, genius, I think you can fix this."
"Fuck you," says Jensen.
"I wanted to fuck you," says Jared earnestly.
"Oh," says Jensen, mostly because he's gotten Jared's boxers off and holy fucking Christ. Jensen's usually pretty good at math, but apparently he underestimated Jared Padalecki's penis. "God, yes, please."
Jared grins. "I'm finding my own angle."
"We can experiment," Jensen suggests. Because this isn't a one-time thing, he's sure. It can't be. "See what works best."
Jared kisses him again, still sloppy, and then moves down Jensen's body so his lips are right there, above Jensen's dick. "Yeah, we can."
Jensen goes to take his glasses off, anticipating a lot of awesome shit going down, but Jared says, "Leave 'em. Want you to see."
Then he licks his lips and Jensen is getting a blowjob.
In his many estimations of how sex with Jared would go, Jensen had not actually taken into account how much more experience Jared has than him. Partially, he thinks, because it makes him jealous thinking about it, but also just because he's never really been with anyone who's had a lot of sex. Most of Jensen's conquests have been like him--antisocial, weird, and very comfortable with their own hands. So he wasn't sure, exactly, how experience would change things.
Jared is good at this, taking Jensen in far, his eyes shut. Jensen has to admit, he's glad he's seeing this, seeing the way Jared's mouth moves around his cock, putting together his facial expressions and the sounds he's making. And, seriously, if Jared doesn't stop soon, Jensen's going to be done before any actual sex happens, which he doesn't want.
He pulls Jared's hair lightly, and the pop as Jared releases him almost does him in all by itself.
"Sex," Jensen says.
Jared grins. "See, now you're talking like a normal person."
Jensen fumbles around--condoms and lube are much harder to find than his clipboard, but he has them. "I slightly underestimated your size," he says, shoving the condoms at Jared. "So they better work."
Jared looks a little dazed, then he grins. "You bought condoms for me? When?"
Jensen blushes.
"Aww, honey," says Jared, kissing him again. "You shouldn't have."
"You really like kissing," Jensen comments.
"You don't?"
"Never did it much," says Jensen.
"Huh," says Jared, spreading lube on his fingers. "Better get used to it."
"We're going to do it more?" Jensen asks. It comes out more hopeful than he planned.
"Every day, if you let me," Jared says.
"The average length of your relationships is 8.4 days," says Jensen. "So..."
"So I'm planning on making this one last," says Jared. "You're not just some guy I met at the bus stop, Jensen. At this point? You're pretty much my best friend."
Jared says this as he's circling Jensen's hole with his finger, and Jensen is amazed by how much better a real emotional component makes sex. "Oh," is all he actually manages to say, but his hips also jerk, so he's hoping Jared gets that he's in support of all that.
"Yeah," says Jared, kissing Jensen more as he slips his finger in.
Jensen hasn't had anal sex in one-hundred-thirty-five days, and hasn't had anal sex in which he was on bottom in five-hundred-seventy-eight days. He has finger-fucked himself somewhat regularly since then, but it's always different having someone else inside of him. Now, Jared's finger is in his ass and Jared's tongue is in his mouth and it feels amazing, so good he barely notices the pain as Jared stretches him.
Jared is really good at this. Of course, it definitely hasn't been one-hundred-thirty-five days since Jared last had sex.
The pain doesn't get noticeable until Jared has two fingers scissoring in him, and that's luckily pretty closely followed by Jared hitting his prostate. The moan Jensen can't bite back breaks their kiss and Jared grins, relentlessly strokes Jensen with his fingers, and goes back to kissing him, like that's his default or something. Jensen is really having to revise all his previous opinions on kissing. Or at least on kissing Jared. Of course, Jensen isn't really planning on kissing anyone other than Jared, possibly ever again. It's their first time sleeping together and Jensen already feels pretty much ruined for everyone else for life.
Jared pulls away and pants, "Ready?"
Jensen manages a nod, because at some point between the kissing and the prostate-massaging, Jared got another finger in, and Jensen is really just desperate for more at this point.
Jared starts getting the condom on and looks, completely nonsensically, worried. "Is it okay like this?" he asks, gesturing to the way Jensen is spread out on the bed, clearly waiting to get fucked. "Or, you can, uh, turn over or...whatever?"
"Jared," says Jensen, "if I have a problem, I'll tell you."
"With diagrams?" asks Jared, smiling a little.
"Calculations," he says, and then he drags Jared down for a kiss, mostly so Jared knows he doesn't mind that part either. Because he doesn't.
And then, Jared starts fucking him.
Jensen's brain actually slams off, his entire world reduced to feelings, possibly for the first time in his life. Jared is huge and filling him up, Jared's hands are firm on his hips, and Jared is strong enough he could possibly just drag Jensen up and down on his cock if he felt the need. Jensen gasps and whimpers and, finally, he is pretty sure, starts reciting the digits of pi to try to keep himself from losing it completely while Jared sucks on his neck and calls him a freak and keeps fucking him.
But then Jared starts jerking Jensen off with the same sure, hard strokes he used before, and there's nothing he can do to keep from falling apart, gasping out Jared's name and wishing they'd gotten started doing this months ago.
Jared isn't far behind him, his thrusts getting uneven and strange, and he drops his forehead against Jensen's shoulder and groans as he comes.
Then, of course, he kisses Jensen again, murmurs things like "so good," "so hot," and "Jensen," like all these things had not just been implied by the way they were fucking.
Jensen figures he's going to have to be the practical one, gets the condom off, ties it, and throws it out, gets tissues to clean them up. Jared watches him the whole time, looking awed and fond.
"What?" says Jensen.
"You know I really like you, right?"
"I guess," says Jensen, coloring slightly. He hates that he does it. "Why?"
"Do I like you?"
"Are you asking," Jensen clarifies.
"Because I'm happy, you tool," says Jared.
"I am too," Jensen protests.
"Awesome," says Jared. "Get over here."
"I really don't have that kind of recovery time," says Jensen.
"Not to--you don't have weird neuroses about people sharing your bed, do you?"
Jensen considers this. "Never tried."
Jared smiles, scoots over so he's on the wet spot, pats the other side of the bed. "So can I stay?"
Jensen climbs in next to him, not shocked to find post-coital Jared apparently likes draping himself all over Jensen and nuzzling his hair. "I might kick you out in the middle of the night," says Jensen. "Just so you know."
"We'll work on that," says Jared, kissing the top of Jensen's ear. It's ridiculously sappy and Jensen doesn't understand at all, but it seems to make Jared happy, so he gives up, snuggles back against Jared, and falls asleep.
*
Jensen wakes up with someone on him, which is terrifying. He shoves them off, jumps out of bed, and is scrambling for his pepper spray before he notices that it's Jared.
"Jesus!" says Jared. He's sprawled awkwardly half off the bed, looking confused. "What the fuck?"
"I thought you were an assailant," mutters Jensen. "I warned you," he adds.
Jared rubs his forehead. "Freak."
"You could have been trying to smother me," Jensen points out.
"Is that pepper spray?"
Jensen hides it behind his back. "No."
"Just...shut up and come back to bed," Jared mutters, pulling himself back up.
"I have work," Jensen points out.
"Damn," says Jared. "There go my dreams of early morning blowjobs."
"Uh," says Jensen. "Later?"
"Better be. Do you want me to go back to my place?"
Jensen pulls on his glasses and takes a minute to appreciate that Jared is naked in his bed. Jensen has an amazing life with many awesome parts. Even if he did nearly pepper-spray his maybe-boyfriend.
"Nah, you can stay here," he says. "I don't mind."
Jared grins up at him. "Hallelujah. I'm going to bed."
And then he does, pretty much immediately falls asleep in a messy pile of limbs on Jensen's bed.
It's the first time Jensen has left his bed unmade that he can remember. Possibly the first time in his life. He's sore and has some hickeys his t-shirt might not cover and he doesn't even care.
Jensen is fucking happy.
*
Things go amazingly unbelievably well for eight days. Jared hangs around Jensen's apartment as much as he ever did, except now when he does it he's always a little draped on Jensen--an arm around his shoulder, legs absently tossed in his lap, that kind of thing. Jared kisses him whenever he feels like it, except that Chad says that he's not allowed to do it when other people are visiting because that shit is disgusting. This, predictably, makes Jared kiss Jensen more, and also occasionally lick him. Even Jensen sometimes thinks it's disgusting.
They sleep in the same bed most nights, and Jensen even stops assaulting Jared after a couple days. He wakes up knowing who's with him, and it fills him with warm and fuzzy feelings. He's amazed Chad and Gabe are even willing to hang out with him when he's like this. He has a ridiculous grin on his face all the time, he's sure. But he's got his boyfriend and his friends and sex, and everything is great.
When they hit eight days, Jensen gets concerned, because this is the average length of Jared's relationships, and Jared doesn't even seem to have considered the idea that they might break up.
Jensen assumes this is because of Jared's whole "best friend" argument, which is one Jensen has a little trouble with. Jensen has never actually had enough friends to necessitate bringing one ahead as the best one. And he's picky enough with just the term "friend," so adding in another level of intimacy seems needlessly stressful and complicated.
But Jared did pretty quickly become a friend, and then a best friend, if Jensen had to choose one. It helps that Jared's competition for the title is probably Chad.
So because they're friends, Jared apparently thinks they won't break up. Which is stupid, because Jared is friends with Sandy, and they broke up.
The explanation hits him in the middle of a heated makeout session on Jared's couch, and he pulls away to say, "You're in love with me!"
Jared blinks. "Huh?"
"That's why you don't think we're going to break up."
"I don't think we're going to break up because you aren't some random guy I met at a bar who I don't know anything about. I already know all your annoying habits."
"No you don't," says Jensen confidently. He has a ton of annoying habits. Jared is going to be discovering them for years to come.
"Okay, fine. But still."
"So you're not in love with me?"
Jared blushes.
"Ha, you are! I knew it!"
"Jensen."
"We can do this quiz I found on the internet. It didn't work before we were dating."
Jared stares at him. "You took a quiz on the internet to figure out if you were in love with me?"
Jensen realizes he should not have admitted that. "Of course not."
"You asked the internet if you were in love with me."
"No."
Jared grins. "What did it tell you?"
"I hate you."
"That's not what it told you."
Jensen sighs. He's going to have to have this conversation. It's going to suck. "I couldn't figure it out. So I, uh, called Kyle. To see if I liked making out with him as much as I liked making out with you."
"And?"
Jensen glares at him. "Of course I didn't."
Jared laughs his ass off for about five minutes. Then he regains his breath, tells Jensen he's amazing, and they have sex on the couch.
Jensen is pretty sure they're going to make it past eight days.
*
"So," says Jared, absently tangling his fingers in Jensen's hair. Jared likes talking after sex. Jensen is glad Jared also has weird habits he needs to get used to. It makes him feel like they're on more equal footing. The post-coital cuddling on the couch is also baffling; Jensen just has to accept that Jared cares way more about snuggling with him than he does about personal comfort. "I'm thinking of writing a book. Romance For Geniuses."
Jensen manages enough energy to turn his head and give Jared a look.
"See, it'd be like those For Dummies books," Jared continues. "Except instead of teaching normal people about complicated stuff, it would teach you about your emotions."
"I hate you," says Jensen.
"Now see, if you read the book, you'd know that's not true."
Jensen glares, and Jared leans over to kiss him, slow and happy, and Jensen kisses him back. Jensen really fucking likes kissing him back.
At this point, the book is completely unnecessary. Jensen knows exactly how he feels.
If Jensen hadn't already been in love with Jared, that probably would have pushed him over the edge.
He wraps a blanket over himself and Jared's hoodie and makes his way into the kitchen with his soup and his instructions. His mouth tastes like cotton and his throat hurts horribly, but his day is definitely looking up. Jared's note did not say anything about how Jensen got sick and disgusting all over him (even though he totally did), which means Jared is an amazingly forgiving person who maybe hasn't figured out that Jensen has a crush on him the size of a Star Destroyer.
The soup is still warm and still good, and Jensen settles down in a nest on his couch to play The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. He's got a shitload of time to kill.
*
Jared takes care of Jensen faithfully throughout his sickness. He also makes no comment on Jensen's excessive affection the first night, so Jensen figures he explained Jensen's actions away in some other way. Jensen isn't sure how, but he was pretty sick. It's possible that he hallucinated drooling all over Jared's shoulder. He had a pretty bad fever, after all.
But then, on Tuesday, after Jensen gets back from his first day of post-sickness work, Jared comes to visit. Which, in and of itself, isn't noteworthy. But Jared knocks on the door like a normal person instead of just barging in, and once he gets in he paces around the apartment instead of immediately sprawling out on the couch like he normally does.
"How are you feeling?" he asks. "Was work okay?"
"Yeah, it was fine," says Jensen. "Seriously, thanks for helping out. I know I'm a pretty bad sick person."
Jared laughs, a little nervously. "It was kind of my fault. Gotta man up, you know?"
"Yeah," says Jensen. Jared's pacing is making him confused, and Jared's nervousness is making him nervous. Overall, he doesn't know what's happening.
There's silence for a long moment before Jared says, "Hey," in an odd tone. He's skirting his hand over Jensen's laptop, looking down at the table intently. "You never like my boyfriends."
"You don't like your boyfriends either," Jensen points out. "Or most of your girlfriends. I'm amazed you ever dated Sandy, honestly. She's so far outside your type."
"My type being assholes?"
"I wasn't going to say that," says Jensen.
Jared smiles, still not looking at Jensen. "You're getting better at that. You know, thinking before you talk."
"Yeah, someday I'll be a real boy," says Jensen, trying to lighten the weird tone of the conversation.
Jared laughs, but not for long. "I hope not."
"Hey," says Jensen, giving up, "what's up? You're acting weird. Even I can tell."
"Halloween," says Jared, looking up at Jensen for the first time. "I kissed you. And you stopped me."
Jensen swallows. "Yes." Because that is undeniably true.
"See," Jared says carefully, looking back down at the laptop. "I thought it was because you weren't interested."
Jensen bites back a laugh. The idea is ridiculous, and he'd say it, except he doesn't want to stop Jared now. He really wants to know where this is going.
"But now I'm thinking--you thought I didn't mean it, right?"
"Uh," says Jensen.
"And then you asked me out, and I thought it was as friends, and I kept dating other people, and, basically, we're both stupid," says Jared brightly. "So. You want to go out with me tonight?"
Jensen coughs. He coughs for a long time. "What?"
"On a date," Jared clarifies. "You and me on a date."
"Oh," says Jensen. "You--seriously?"
Jared grins, wide and true. "Absolutely."
"Then, uh. Yeah. Definitely."
"Dinner?" says Jared.
"Yeah," says Jensen. He's kind of dazed. Not even kind of, actually. He's completely poleaxed.
"I'll come pick you up at seven," says Jared.
"You know I don't eat a lot of stuff, right?" says Jensen. "I only like four restaurants."
"I know."
"And I'm kind of crazy."
"Yup."
"You really want to go out with me?"
Jared leans down and kisses Jensen entirely too briefly.
"You have no idea."
"Oh," breathes Jensen.
"So I'll see you at seven," says Jared, and lets himself out.
*
"He asked you out?" asks Chad.
"For the fifth time, yes."
"He asked you out?"
"For the sixth time, yes," says Jensen. "Can we move on yet? We need to move on."
"He kissed you?" says Gabe.
"He kissed me before," Jensen points out. "Just he was drunk."
"Dude," says Chad. "I am a billion times hotter than you. He should have asked me out."
"But he didn't," says Jensen smugly.
"Yeah, fuck you," says Chad.
"God, he asked me out," says Jensen. "What am I going to wear?"
"Since when are you a girl?" asks Gabe.
"I can't wear this!" says Jensen. "Seriously. Green Lantern? No one gets laid wearing a Green Lantern shirt."
"You want to upgrade to Batman?" asks Gabe.
"I need to wear real clothes," says Jensen. "Nothing with a superhero on it."
"Do you even own anything like that?" asks Chad.
"God, I don't know." Jensen buries his face in his hands. "Seriously, this is the worst idea. Jared's is an alpha-male with an athletic body and evolutionarily desirable physical features, and I'm. Me."
"He asked you out," says Gabe. "He likes you."
Jensen drags himself up. "Okay, let's talk reality here. Jared typically dates tall, broad-shouldered men who wear button-down shirts and tight jeans. So, to be appealing to Jared, I need to look like that."
Chad and Gabe follow him into his room.
"He never dates anyone who wears glasses, so I should wear my contacts."
"Your contacts make your eyes water."
"I'll live. He doesn't date guys with spiky hair either."
"Jensen," says Gabe. "He dates you."
"Yeah, today! I gotta think long-term, Gabe. He probably thinks it's a good idea now because he dates bastard guys who don't treat him right. He thinks, hey, Jensen's nice. And I'm not even that nice! So I've gotta do something so he wants another date. Because last time, I was me, and we didn't go out again, and he didn't even notice it was supposed to be a date!"
"I'd go with Gabe and tell you to be yourself, but you're neurotic and fucked up," says Chad. "So let's do a fucking makeover."
"I think you're both idiots," says Gabe.
"Bitch, you can't even talk to girls," says Chad.
"Or tall people."
"Or Hispanic people."
"Or the handicapped," Jensen finishes.
"Shut up," says Gabe. "I still know this is a fucking stupid idea." He considers. "And I might have a girlfriend. So. Fuck you both."
"I just want him to like me," mutters Jensen. He pulls out a black button-down shirt his sister sent him a few years ago, hoping that he'd embrace fashion. "I'm not actually ugly, you know. I just dress weird. And I'm too dorky. So I just have to dress better and talk about normal stuff."
"What normal stuff do you know about?" asks Gabe.
"Tons of stuff!" says Jensen. "Normal people watch Lost, right?"
Chad rubs his forehead. "You are so fucking fucked, Jensen."
"I just have to take it one date at a time," says Jensen. "All I have to do on this one is get another."
He puts in one contact. The prescription is outdated and his eyes water as soon as it's in there. He gets the other one in and the world swims around him.
His jeans are too tight, his shirt is itchy, and he's slightly blind.
"How do I look?" asks Jensen.
"Awkward," says Chad.
"Uncomfortable," says Gabe.
"Hot?" asks Jensen.
"I'd fuck you," says Chad.
"That's not news," says Jensen. "You'd fuck anything."
"Wouldn't fuck Gabe," he says.
"I don't even know why I hang out with you guys," says Gabe.
"Cuz you can't talk to anyone else," says Chad.
"I thought you kind of liked me," says Jensen.
"Kind of," agrees Gabe. "And you're kind of hot, you know, for a dude. But it's stupid. Jared knows you, Jensen."
"Yeah, well, now he'll know I can be hot and not a total freakshow too," says Jensen. "So. It'll be awesome."
"Yeah," says Gabe. "Sure it will."
*
Jensen tries to play video games until seven, but he can't really see very well, and his palms are sweating so much that the controller actually slips out of his hands a couple times.
He does some calculations for his current project, holding the paper close to his face and doing his best to not think about Jared.
But he does, of course. Because Jared--Jared wanted to kiss him at Halloween. Jared had stopped because Jensen had stopped him, not because he wanted to. And now, Jared has expressed an interest, asked him out, and Jensen has nothing to be stressed about. He looks passably hot and normal, and maybe Jared will want to kiss him and fuck him and be his forever.
Jensen would take any one of those three, really.
He hears knocking a little before seven and kind of wants to die. He smooths down his shirt, swallows, and opens the door.
Jared looks shocked. He's wearing his usual button-down shirt and jeans, looking hot and polished as always. "Wow," he says. "Uh. What happened?"
"It's a date," says Jensen. "You dress up for dates."
Jared kind of pokes at his hair. "Did you gel your hair down?"
"Yes."
"Wow," Jared says again. Jensen can't be sure, but he doesn't think it's actually a good wow. "So, are we good to go?"
"Yeah," says Jensen. "Where are we going, anyway?"
"Pizza," says Jared. "You eat at the pizza place down the street, right?"
"Yeah." That's a little worrying, Jensen thinks. Pizza isn't really that romantic. Of course, neither is Big Boy, and Jared works at the Cheesecake Factory, so they can't go there, and the last time they went for Thai Jared hit on their waiter. So they are kind of out of options.
"Awesome," he says.
Jensen tries bringing up stuff Jared will enjoy talking about--he asks him about work, which there apparently isn't much to say about, and his acting search, which has been pretty fruitless. When Jared asks about Jensen's work, Jensen does not go into a long spiel about his current issues with string theory and instead asks about the game last night.
"What game?" asks Jared.
Fuck. "Whichever one you watched?" Jensen tries.
Jared gives him a weird look.
It gets awkward from there. Jensen tries really hard to be normal and rational, and Jared is just kind of closed-off and seems pissed. Which is a bizarre reversal from earlier in the day, when there was asking out and kissing. Jared isn't interested in talking about anything normal that Jensen can come up with, and he tries to be a good conversationalist by bringing up things Jensen likes, but the things Jensen likes are boring and technical and weird, so Jensen avoids those topics.
Jensen isn't sure how not being himself is making this more awkward. Jensen was pretty sure he'd found an apex of awkwardness, a level of awkward all other levels dreamed of achieving. But apparently, not so much.
*
After Jared drops him off, Jensen changes and feels like an idiot. It's an unfamiliar feeling, and he really, really hates it. It seemed impossible to think that he wouldn't at least get a good-night kiss, given he'd already gotten kissed twice on non-date occasions, but Jared Padalecki apparently lives to baffle him.
Still, tomorrow is another day and Jensen thinks he can apologize for whatever it is he did or didn't do and see if Jared is willing to give him one more chance. Jensen is sure he can be less geeky. He can read a book about sports or something. Or just go on wikipedia. He likes that idea, actually, and immediately wikis football, because, seriously, he's a genius. He should be able to figure out the rules of the American pastime. If people who wear trucker hats can do it, then Jensen can too. And then he can figure out ways to make it better. Without knowing anything except that a ball is involved, he's thinking lasers will help. Lasers always help.
The first paragraph is both boring and unchallenging, though, and Jensen welcomes the distraction when someone knocks on his door.
He opens it without thinking about his clothes--Flash t-shirt and flannel pajama pants--or his glasses or his hair, or really anything, so of course it's Jared.
"Okay, seriously, we need to talk," says Jared, and then he blinks. "Oh good, you didn't burn your clothes."
"What?"
"What the hell happened tonight?"
"An unsuccessful date?"
"Yeah, but why?"
"I think pizza isn't actually very good for dates. Not romantic."
"It wasn't the pizza! It was you."
Jensen flinches.
"No, I mean--Jesus, Jensen. What was with you earlier?"
"Nothing! I was being normal."
"Normal for who?"
Jensen is starting to get the problem, but he's not sure he likes it. "People!" he says. "The people you date."
"The people I date suck, Jensen," says Jared.
"But you date them," Jensen says quietly.
"God," says Jared, "for a genius, you're fucking retarded."
And then Jared leans down and gives Jensen a goodnight kiss that really doesn't feel like goodnight.
"I like," says Jared, with his lips still against Jensen's, "your stupid t-shirts and your weird pants and your geeky hobbies. Because they're real. And they're you. I like the way you never try to be anyone else," he says, pulling back enough that Jensen can see him roll his eyes after he says it. "Except, apparently, when I ask you out."
"I didn't want you to think you made a mistake," mutters Jensen. He's not sure why he admits it, but it seems important.
Jared laughs. "Yeah, you did really well with that."
"Shut up," says Jensen. "I had a lot of data on your relationships and preferences."
"Did you make a spreadsheet about my type?" asks Jared. "I bet you did. Can I see it?"
"No," says Jensen petulantly.
Jared's smile upgrades to a grin. "But you made one."
"Shut up."
"So," says Jared, stepping closer to Jensen. Given how close he already was to Jensen, this is somewhat alarming. But not objectionable. "What's it say?"
"What?"
Jared bends down to suck on Jensen's neck. "Your spreadsheet about my type."
"Uh," says Jensen, because Jared is giving him a hickey and he's having trouble thinking. Jensen's brain has never failed before, but Jared is giving him a hickey, and that's at least making his brain get a B+. Which is the closest it's ever come to failing. "Tall."
"Mm," says Jared. "You're tall."
"Attractive face."
"Check."
"Muscular."
"Good enough."
"You like," Jensen manages, as Jared slips a hand under his shirt, "lips and eyes."
"Christ, have you seen your lips and eyes?"
"Not very often," Jensen admits. "They're on my face."
"Well," says Jared. "You're fucking exactly my type. Once you get past the clothes and the glasses."
"Exactly!" says Jensen, and his scientific triumph is so awesome that he pulls away from Jared's wandering hands and mouth. "That's why I didn't wear them."
Jared's eyes go dark. "Trust me, Jensen," he says, "if you didn't wear clothes, that date would have gone really differently."
"We wouldn't have gotten into the restaurant," Jensen points out. "They have rules about that. No shirt, no shoes--"
Jared laughs, but it's kind of strained. "Just so I know what I'm getting myself into--you have a sex drive, right? Please, please say you have a sex drive. I know you've mentioned, like. That you have sex. Sometimes."
"Of course I have a sex drive," says Jensen. "I spent a month thinking I just wanted to sleep with you."
He immediately regrets saying that.
Jared grins. "What happened after a month?"
Jensen doesn't say anything. He can still save this situation.
"You stop wanting to sleep with me?"
"No!" says Jensen. It is imperative that Jared realizes Jensen still wants to sleep with him.
"Just not tonight?" asks Jared. "Cuz I can understand wanting to go slow."
Jensen blinks at this, reviews the evening.
Times Jared has kissed him: 2
Hickeys he has received from Jared: 1
Articles of clothing Jared was clearly thinking about removing from Jensen: 1
"Oh," says Jensen. Then he drags Jared's face down and kisses him.
Jared laughs into his mouth. "I swear to God, you're insane."
"Genius," mutters Jensen.
"Mad genius," says Jared. "Frankenstein style. Does it get you hot that I know Frankenstein is the doctor, not the monster?"
Jensen does not admit that it does.
Jared slides one hand under Jensen's shirt, places the other against Jensen's cheek and kisses him again, harder. It's almost like Halloween, except there's no alcohol on Jared's breath and Jensen understands much better what's happening.
Jensen grasps Jared's hips, walking backwards and pulling Jared towards his room. He's been wanting to fuck Jared since he first saw Jared, and if Jared is willing to ignore the disaster that was their first date and have sex anyway, Jensen certainly isn't going to object.
Jared's hand is roaming all over Jensen's chest, like he can't find where he likes best. Jensen groans when he brushes by a nipple, and Jared grins into his mouth. "Where's your bed?" he asks.
"I'm working on it," says Jensen, tugging Jared farther. Jared keeps kissing him, sloppy and distracting, and Jensen's weirdly sluggish brain takes longer than it should to remember where things are, how not to trip over small pieces of furniture and action figures. Jared, of course, never knew that, stumbles and laughs and curses, and Jensen can't believe this is actually happening.
Jared trips over the dresser and they tumble into the bed; Jensen's barely recovered when Jared's pulling off his shirt and mouthing at his chest, licking and tugging at his nipple.
That's one thing Jensen can't do better for himself, and he hisses and arches.
"Knew you'd be hot," murmurs Jared. "Fuck."
Jensen pulls himself together enough to tug Jared's shirt off too, to take in the broad planes and slopes of his body. His skin practically glows, which Jensen knows isn't possible and is him romanticizing, but he doesn't care. He almost wants to take a picture to send to Chad with a little :P face, except he doesn't really want to share this with anyone. And Chad might actually come over and try to join in. Chad's that guy.
Jared goes back to his nipple and Jensen laces his fingers in Jared's hair, tight in the curls at his neck. When Jared's mouth starts moving lower, Jensen almost wants to sing.
"Hey," says Jared, looking up from the vicinity of Jensen's fly. "Can I...?"
"Yeah," manages Jensen. "But I've got, uh. Some stuff first."
"Now?" says Jared. "Dude, my pants aren't even off yet, I can't do a condom."
"No," says Jensen, flailing at the nightstand. He finds his clipboard and shoves it at Jared.
Jared looks dazed. "Jensen. Why do I need a clipboard."
"It's how I like to be touched," says Jensen. "Ideal angles, amounts of--"
"Jensen," says Jared, "if you finish that sentence, we are never having sex."
"Why?"
"I can't even...you seriously did calculations about how to jerk off?"
"It was inefficient," mutters Jensen.
"That is the most freakish thing I have ever heard in my life," says Jared.
"I was sixteen," says Jensen. "It was distracting."
There's a pause. "So you experimented til you got it right?" asks Jared huskily.
"Of course," says Jensen.
"Jesus Christ," says Jared. He falls sideways so instead of being on top of Jensen, he's lying next to him on the bed.
"What?"
"Thinking about horny teenage you jerking off at every possible angle for hours."
"Yeah, pretty much," agrees Jensen.
"God, that's hot."
"I tried absolutely everything. That's why I have the chart. These are the best."
"Yeah," says Jared. "No. Cuz my hand is way bigger than yours. And I can use my mouth. So. You're gonna need some new data."
"Hmm," says Jensen. "You might be right."
"Trust me," says Jared, "I'm right."
Jensen's willing to agree until Jared starts kissing him again, because that means Jared's mouth is, sadly, no longer on Jensen's body.
But kissing Jared is better than Jensen had ever anticipated, even having kissed him before. Jared seems to like kissing, just likes having his mouth against Jensen's. Jensen surprises himself by liking it too.
Maybe being in love with someone means you like everything they do. Jensen isn't really sure.
Jared's hands move down Jensen's chest to the waistband of his pants, and Jensen wants to fucking cry. The closest he's come to sex since meeting Jared was that abortive attempt with Kyle, and what little they'd done was like eating a burger when he really wanted Thai. It hadn't helped the way he was fucking horny and fucking wanted Jared. It probably wouldn't have helped even if it had actually turned into sex.
He whimpers a little as Jared shoves his pajamas down and gets his hand around Jensen's dick. The thing is, Jared was right--his hands are gigantic and completely different from Jensen's own. All of Jensen's previous data is now completely useless, because Jensen has never done anything to himself that feels as good as Jared being all over him, Jared slowly jerking him off, Jared's lips still moving against Jensen's uncoordinatedly.
"Jesus," says Jensen, as Jared shifts, his mouth moving down onto Jensen's chin, possibly without his noticing.
Awkwardly, working around Jared's hands, Jensen manages to get Jared's jeans undone and shoves them down. Jared is still wearing underwear, though, and Jensen makes a noise of frustration.
Jared laughs shakily. "Come on, genius, I think you can fix this."
"Fuck you," says Jensen.
"I wanted to fuck you," says Jared earnestly.
"Oh," says Jensen, mostly because he's gotten Jared's boxers off and holy fucking Christ. Jensen's usually pretty good at math, but apparently he underestimated Jared Padalecki's penis. "God, yes, please."
Jared grins. "I'm finding my own angle."
"We can experiment," Jensen suggests. Because this isn't a one-time thing, he's sure. It can't be. "See what works best."
Jared kisses him again, still sloppy, and then moves down Jensen's body so his lips are right there, above Jensen's dick. "Yeah, we can."
Jensen goes to take his glasses off, anticipating a lot of awesome shit going down, but Jared says, "Leave 'em. Want you to see."
Then he licks his lips and Jensen is getting a blowjob.
In his many estimations of how sex with Jared would go, Jensen had not actually taken into account how much more experience Jared has than him. Partially, he thinks, because it makes him jealous thinking about it, but also just because he's never really been with anyone who's had a lot of sex. Most of Jensen's conquests have been like him--antisocial, weird, and very comfortable with their own hands. So he wasn't sure, exactly, how experience would change things.
Jared is good at this, taking Jensen in far, his eyes shut. Jensen has to admit, he's glad he's seeing this, seeing the way Jared's mouth moves around his cock, putting together his facial expressions and the sounds he's making. And, seriously, if Jared doesn't stop soon, Jensen's going to be done before any actual sex happens, which he doesn't want.
He pulls Jared's hair lightly, and the pop as Jared releases him almost does him in all by itself.
"Sex," Jensen says.
Jared grins. "See, now you're talking like a normal person."
Jensen fumbles around--condoms and lube are much harder to find than his clipboard, but he has them. "I slightly underestimated your size," he says, shoving the condoms at Jared. "So they better work."
Jared looks a little dazed, then he grins. "You bought condoms for me? When?"
Jensen blushes.
"Aww, honey," says Jared, kissing him again. "You shouldn't have."
"You really like kissing," Jensen comments.
"You don't?"
"Never did it much," says Jensen.
"Huh," says Jared, spreading lube on his fingers. "Better get used to it."
"We're going to do it more?" Jensen asks. It comes out more hopeful than he planned.
"Every day, if you let me," Jared says.
"The average length of your relationships is 8.4 days," says Jensen. "So..."
"So I'm planning on making this one last," says Jared. "You're not just some guy I met at the bus stop, Jensen. At this point? You're pretty much my best friend."
Jared says this as he's circling Jensen's hole with his finger, and Jensen is amazed by how much better a real emotional component makes sex. "Oh," is all he actually manages to say, but his hips also jerk, so he's hoping Jared gets that he's in support of all that.
"Yeah," says Jared, kissing Jensen more as he slips his finger in.
Jensen hasn't had anal sex in one-hundred-thirty-five days, and hasn't had anal sex in which he was on bottom in five-hundred-seventy-eight days. He has finger-fucked himself somewhat regularly since then, but it's always different having someone else inside of him. Now, Jared's finger is in his ass and Jared's tongue is in his mouth and it feels amazing, so good he barely notices the pain as Jared stretches him.
Jared is really good at this. Of course, it definitely hasn't been one-hundred-thirty-five days since Jared last had sex.
The pain doesn't get noticeable until Jared has two fingers scissoring in him, and that's luckily pretty closely followed by Jared hitting his prostate. The moan Jensen can't bite back breaks their kiss and Jared grins, relentlessly strokes Jensen with his fingers, and goes back to kissing him, like that's his default or something. Jensen is really having to revise all his previous opinions on kissing. Or at least on kissing Jared. Of course, Jensen isn't really planning on kissing anyone other than Jared, possibly ever again. It's their first time sleeping together and Jensen already feels pretty much ruined for everyone else for life.
Jared pulls away and pants, "Ready?"
Jensen manages a nod, because at some point between the kissing and the prostate-massaging, Jared got another finger in, and Jensen is really just desperate for more at this point.
Jared starts getting the condom on and looks, completely nonsensically, worried. "Is it okay like this?" he asks, gesturing to the way Jensen is spread out on the bed, clearly waiting to get fucked. "Or, you can, uh, turn over or...whatever?"
"Jared," says Jensen, "if I have a problem, I'll tell you."
"With diagrams?" asks Jared, smiling a little.
"Calculations," he says, and then he drags Jared down for a kiss, mostly so Jared knows he doesn't mind that part either. Because he doesn't.
And then, Jared starts fucking him.
Jensen's brain actually slams off, his entire world reduced to feelings, possibly for the first time in his life. Jared is huge and filling him up, Jared's hands are firm on his hips, and Jared is strong enough he could possibly just drag Jensen up and down on his cock if he felt the need. Jensen gasps and whimpers and, finally, he is pretty sure, starts reciting the digits of pi to try to keep himself from losing it completely while Jared sucks on his neck and calls him a freak and keeps fucking him.
But then Jared starts jerking Jensen off with the same sure, hard strokes he used before, and there's nothing he can do to keep from falling apart, gasping out Jared's name and wishing they'd gotten started doing this months ago.
Jared isn't far behind him, his thrusts getting uneven and strange, and he drops his forehead against Jensen's shoulder and groans as he comes.
Then, of course, he kisses Jensen again, murmurs things like "so good," "so hot," and "Jensen," like all these things had not just been implied by the way they were fucking.
Jensen figures he's going to have to be the practical one, gets the condom off, ties it, and throws it out, gets tissues to clean them up. Jared watches him the whole time, looking awed and fond.
"What?" says Jensen.
"You know I really like you, right?"
"I guess," says Jensen, coloring slightly. He hates that he does it. "Why?"
"Do I like you?"
"Are you asking," Jensen clarifies.
"Because I'm happy, you tool," says Jared.
"I am too," Jensen protests.
"Awesome," says Jared. "Get over here."
"I really don't have that kind of recovery time," says Jensen.
"Not to--you don't have weird neuroses about people sharing your bed, do you?"
Jensen considers this. "Never tried."
Jared smiles, scoots over so he's on the wet spot, pats the other side of the bed. "So can I stay?"
Jensen climbs in next to him, not shocked to find post-coital Jared apparently likes draping himself all over Jensen and nuzzling his hair. "I might kick you out in the middle of the night," says Jensen. "Just so you know."
"We'll work on that," says Jared, kissing the top of Jensen's ear. It's ridiculously sappy and Jensen doesn't understand at all, but it seems to make Jared happy, so he gives up, snuggles back against Jared, and falls asleep.
*
Jensen wakes up with someone on him, which is terrifying. He shoves them off, jumps out of bed, and is scrambling for his pepper spray before he notices that it's Jared.
"Jesus!" says Jared. He's sprawled awkwardly half off the bed, looking confused. "What the fuck?"
"I thought you were an assailant," mutters Jensen. "I warned you," he adds.
Jared rubs his forehead. "Freak."
"You could have been trying to smother me," Jensen points out.
"Is that pepper spray?"
Jensen hides it behind his back. "No."
"Just...shut up and come back to bed," Jared mutters, pulling himself back up.
"I have work," Jensen points out.
"Damn," says Jared. "There go my dreams of early morning blowjobs."
"Uh," says Jensen. "Later?"
"Better be. Do you want me to go back to my place?"
Jensen pulls on his glasses and takes a minute to appreciate that Jared is naked in his bed. Jensen has an amazing life with many awesome parts. Even if he did nearly pepper-spray his maybe-boyfriend.
"Nah, you can stay here," he says. "I don't mind."
Jared grins up at him. "Hallelujah. I'm going to bed."
And then he does, pretty much immediately falls asleep in a messy pile of limbs on Jensen's bed.
It's the first time Jensen has left his bed unmade that he can remember. Possibly the first time in his life. He's sore and has some hickeys his t-shirt might not cover and he doesn't even care.
Jensen is fucking happy.
*
Things go amazingly unbelievably well for eight days. Jared hangs around Jensen's apartment as much as he ever did, except now when he does it he's always a little draped on Jensen--an arm around his shoulder, legs absently tossed in his lap, that kind of thing. Jared kisses him whenever he feels like it, except that Chad says that he's not allowed to do it when other people are visiting because that shit is disgusting. This, predictably, makes Jared kiss Jensen more, and also occasionally lick him. Even Jensen sometimes thinks it's disgusting.
They sleep in the same bed most nights, and Jensen even stops assaulting Jared after a couple days. He wakes up knowing who's with him, and it fills him with warm and fuzzy feelings. He's amazed Chad and Gabe are even willing to hang out with him when he's like this. He has a ridiculous grin on his face all the time, he's sure. But he's got his boyfriend and his friends and sex, and everything is great.
When they hit eight days, Jensen gets concerned, because this is the average length of Jared's relationships, and Jared doesn't even seem to have considered the idea that they might break up.
Jensen assumes this is because of Jared's whole "best friend" argument, which is one Jensen has a little trouble with. Jensen has never actually had enough friends to necessitate bringing one ahead as the best one. And he's picky enough with just the term "friend," so adding in another level of intimacy seems needlessly stressful and complicated.
But Jared did pretty quickly become a friend, and then a best friend, if Jensen had to choose one. It helps that Jared's competition for the title is probably Chad.
So because they're friends, Jared apparently thinks they won't break up. Which is stupid, because Jared is friends with Sandy, and they broke up.
The explanation hits him in the middle of a heated makeout session on Jared's couch, and he pulls away to say, "You're in love with me!"
Jared blinks. "Huh?"
"That's why you don't think we're going to break up."
"I don't think we're going to break up because you aren't some random guy I met at a bar who I don't know anything about. I already know all your annoying habits."
"No you don't," says Jensen confidently. He has a ton of annoying habits. Jared is going to be discovering them for years to come.
"Okay, fine. But still."
"So you're not in love with me?"
Jared blushes.
"Ha, you are! I knew it!"
"Jensen."
"We can do this quiz I found on the internet. It didn't work before we were dating."
Jared stares at him. "You took a quiz on the internet to figure out if you were in love with me?"
Jensen realizes he should not have admitted that. "Of course not."
"You asked the internet if you were in love with me."
"No."
Jared grins. "What did it tell you?"
"I hate you."
"That's not what it told you."
Jensen sighs. He's going to have to have this conversation. It's going to suck. "I couldn't figure it out. So I, uh, called Kyle. To see if I liked making out with him as much as I liked making out with you."
"And?"
Jensen glares at him. "Of course I didn't."
Jared laughs his ass off for about five minutes. Then he regains his breath, tells Jensen he's amazing, and they have sex on the couch.
Jensen is pretty sure they're going to make it past eight days.
*
"So," says Jared, absently tangling his fingers in Jensen's hair. Jared likes talking after sex. Jensen is glad Jared also has weird habits he needs to get used to. It makes him feel like they're on more equal footing. The post-coital cuddling on the couch is also baffling; Jensen just has to accept that Jared cares way more about snuggling with him than he does about personal comfort. "I'm thinking of writing a book. Romance For Geniuses."
Jensen manages enough energy to turn his head and give Jared a look.
"See, it'd be like those For Dummies books," Jared continues. "Except instead of teaching normal people about complicated stuff, it would teach you about your emotions."
"I hate you," says Jensen.
"Now see, if you read the book, you'd know that's not true."
Jensen glares, and Jared leans over to kiss him, slow and happy, and Jensen kisses him back. Jensen really fucking likes kissing him back.
At this point, the book is completely unnecessary. Jensen knows exactly how he feels.