we know you are soft cause we've all seen you dancing

Oct 14, 2006 16:25

It's funny how different the hospital feels now that we're post- instead of pre-. It feels like a whole different building. I still know my way around, but the spaces mean something different. It's like the difference in a house before you move in, and after: it somehow feels more like my place now, like it's there to serve our needs, not to... what... keep us under consideration? It even feels less cold, now. And I settle myself to wait for Jeremy with my books and notebook and cards like I have the right to be there.

I like counting out Jeremy's kajillion pills in the mornings. It's a good way to wake up: engaging my intelligence with an immediate sense of purpose, so I don't have to remind myself why to get out of bed. Obviously, it's to count out Jeremy's pills. And once that's done, I'm usually awake enough to think of other reasons.

I'm reading Middlemarch. I'm not sure why I've never read this before. I loved Adam Bede when we read it in college (I remember thinking of it as Tess of the d'Urbervilles as written by someone who wasn't a thwarted, miserable little wannabe sadist drooling over his own red-lipped heroine through two male characters who might as well have been miniature Thomas Hardies clad in, respectively, white with a halo and red with horns. Not that I have any strong opinions about Thomas Hardy or anything) but I just never read any more George Eliot. Actually, I do remember why: that was the same class where we read The End of the Affair, and I immediately dove into Graham Greene's oeuvre and didn't emerge for months. But I'm really liking Middlemarch. I like George Eliot. There's a bit more perceptible tension between her male-author persona and her female identity than there is with, say, the Bronte sisters, who usually write from the POV of their female characters anyway, and I find that really interesting to observe; and I am also really enjoying the characters and story so far.

My parents sent Jeremy an iPod "iHome" (like a speaker set for your iPod, but with a clock and radio and stuff) for his birthday. That will be very nice indeed to have.

Our Netflix finally came, so we can finally pick up again watching X-Files. I had a weird X-Files-based dream this morning where I was sort of switching off between being Scully and Mulder-- first, as Scully, I started recovering all these repressed memories of having been abused as a child, which really messed up my head, and then we discovered that the "memories" were false and had been planted in my head by our enemies to make me a less effective agent, which of course messed up my head even further, and then I was Mulder and absolutely feral with rage over what had been done to Scully and went after the only guy we knew to be in on it-- a young guy, who couldn't possibly have been the one in charge; he'd just been the messenger-- and caught up with him in a public park and tackled him to the ground and started punching him, and then in the middle of it, straddling his chest and punching his face over and over, I stopped and started to cry, because his bleeding face was so young and stupid and scared, and I climbed off him, blind with tears, and punched a tree and kicked over a trash can and turned around to say something to the kid-- I didn't even know what-- but he was gone.

I just ordered a bunch of tea and stuff from SBS Teas. (Spent the Paypal money I'd set aside for the BPAL update on it; turned out not to want 13, the Yules will be up for months, and tea is way more necessary to my overall physical and mental health than perfume anyway.) I got samples of Dragon Lily Flowering White, Rooibos Cinna Blast, Chocolate Flame Chai, Enchanting Black Currant, Women's Get Up And Go Tea (an herbal thing with ginger, fennel, orange, cinnamon, licorice, cardamom, angelica, cloves, juniper berries, and dandelion root), Yerba Maté Chai, Aztec Gold Sipping Cocoa (a spiced cocoa blend), and some candied ginger. Waaaaarmth.

drinking, dreams, transplant, what i'm reading, jeremy, what i'm watching, tea

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