SenoritaTokeALot

[lonesomecracker]

SO my aunt ellie died yesterday. 68 years old. she had breast cancer. then the doctors said ohh they were wrong you dont have cancer. then after it spread to her stomach they were like ohh look you have breast cancer too. she had a massive heart attack which they revived her from. then a week later she had a massive stroke. then she started having seizures and bit her tongue almost completly off. horrible.iv been watching a lot of people cry. apparantly there is another death expected in my family in the next month. i dont even know who it is. i dont even know if i want to know. im feeling more and more disconnected from this family. and on an emotional level im not sure what i mean by that. i have been left out of the loop on pretty much every big event in my family, and every big event to come that im just not supposed to know about i guess. today was visitation. i didnt go. i wont rationalize why i didnt go, not even to myself. nor do i plan to go to the funeral tommorw. or even consider why im not. i may leave tonight. come back tommorow night. but i need to shower and shave and do laundry and stupid shit like that, so i probally wont. i would like to be sure to say how great the last week has been though. i may not have a whole lot of good friends, but the ones i have are pretty fucking awesome. thanks for making life worthwhile.

did i just end a depressing entry on an upbeat note? how incredibly uncharicteristic of me. and i will not spell check my own entries, not that i did before. someone come rub my back. please?