Another Day Gone, Another Day Closer to the End
Didn't go to Maryland this weekend. I would blame my parents, but if I had really wanted to go, I would have head there myself. In some ways, I don't know if I can go back there. Memories; good and bad had taken place there. Do I really wish to stir it up again, some things are best left settled at the bottom and never re-awoken. Though I do miss the bay breeze.
Tomorrow....ergh rather today, is the last day of training people to fire the At-4 (Anti-tank rocket). People are retarded, I am shocked at how it takes some people 4 minutes to fire that weapon or do numerous screw ups. It takes most infantry guys, 10 to 15 seconds to fire the damn thing and at most a minute to do both firing and mis-firing procedures. Silly silly non-combat jobs. I hope it goes by quick, the catepillars have been attacking us for the past few weeks. They been fast roping in on their silk and swarming us by the hundreds. The days are spent reading, playing Advance Wars 2, and watching as the other guys that are with me; find new and efficient ways of ridding the little buggers.
On my free time, I have been watching anime and playing games. I am making more of an effort to finish the games I have and watch all the anime I got as well. So far finished Dot Hack Sign, Mouse, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, Full Metal Panic, Chobits, RayEarth, and started on watching a bunch of others. As for games, been playing Dynasty Warriors 5, Disgaea, and a little Dot Hack every now and again.
Besides that, been feeling like shit. Emotionally more then physically. I hate being alone, yet it is the best way for me and others to live. I don't trust to many anymore and my heart doesn't look to be opening up. Truthfully, as much as it hurts and not search for another person to share my heart with. I realize in many ways, that train of thought was quite wrong. As much as I wish to love and be loved, finding that person who would be there for me through thick and thin, has probably died many years ago... if she ever existed in the first place. Needless to say, I am trying to dismiss those emotions as feeble and useless. To long have I let my darkness enter me.
Still, a small ray of hope continues to glimmer and search for the woman who was meant for me. The woman who can accept me for who I am. guess, I got to put more effort into killing that side of me for good. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't alone and yet that is all I have ever known. No person has fully known me, no person have I fully trusted that much to share my heart and soul with. I came close, but never spoke of some of my darkest secrets. Though I am glad, it never was spoken or heard. Perhaps, another day, I will speak of what phsyically attracts me to females. That way more people can have a brief understanding of who I am.
It grows late and i need to salvage as much sleep as possible. Peace, night, and aluve'
Tomorrow....ergh rather today, is the last day of training people to fire the At-4 (Anti-tank rocket). People are retarded, I am shocked at how it takes some people 4 minutes to fire that weapon or do numerous screw ups. It takes most infantry guys, 10 to 15 seconds to fire the damn thing and at most a minute to do both firing and mis-firing procedures. Silly silly non-combat jobs. I hope it goes by quick, the catepillars have been attacking us for the past few weeks. They been fast roping in on their silk and swarming us by the hundreds. The days are spent reading, playing Advance Wars 2, and watching as the other guys that are with me; find new and efficient ways of ridding the little buggers.
On my free time, I have been watching anime and playing games. I am making more of an effort to finish the games I have and watch all the anime I got as well. So far finished Dot Hack Sign, Mouse, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, Full Metal Panic, Chobits, RayEarth, and started on watching a bunch of others. As for games, been playing Dynasty Warriors 5, Disgaea, and a little Dot Hack every now and again.
Besides that, been feeling like shit. Emotionally more then physically. I hate being alone, yet it is the best way for me and others to live. I don't trust to many anymore and my heart doesn't look to be opening up. Truthfully, as much as it hurts and not search for another person to share my heart with. I realize in many ways, that train of thought was quite wrong. As much as I wish to love and be loved, finding that person who would be there for me through thick and thin, has probably died many years ago... if she ever existed in the first place. Needless to say, I am trying to dismiss those emotions as feeble and useless. To long have I let my darkness enter me.
Still, a small ray of hope continues to glimmer and search for the woman who was meant for me. The woman who can accept me for who I am. guess, I got to put more effort into killing that side of me for good. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't alone and yet that is all I have ever known. No person has fully known me, no person have I fully trusted that much to share my heart and soul with. I came close, but never spoke of some of my darkest secrets. Though I am glad, it never was spoken or heard. Perhaps, another day, I will speak of what phsyically attracts me to females. That way more people can have a brief understanding of who I am.
It grows late and i need to salvage as much sleep as possible. Peace, night, and aluve'