My only Wish.
If there is one thing I could wish for at this moment. I would wish that I was forgotten, so that no one would know or try to understand me. Most of all, I do not want a single tear shed when I am gone. A tear of saddness, a tear of regret, a tear of anger, or a tear of happiness; I am not worth any of them. I prefer not to be remembered for good or bad. I want to fade from this existance and leave no traces.
As hard as this is, it is a wish. A wish to be fully alone. So that no one else can know or feel my pain or sorrow. I don't want to burden anyone else. To be forgotten and left to the shadows. Unseen and unknown; uncared for.
For me happiness is an illusion. Always tempting me to grasp it or run after it, yet never being close to my fingers or fast to catch it. Always chasing something that was never mine to begin with.
Dreams flood my mind these days. All I can say is saddness; strong feelings of saddness is all I am left with when I awake. Leaving only a hole in my stomach. I just want it to end. My dreams leaving me cold and alone, everyday. For it's always showing me the happiness I can never seem to attain.
If I live for another 20 years, I want to be like the phoenix and start anew. I mean really start anew and not just changing my own actions and such, but fully destroying myself and coming back. Perhaps it is a far fetched idea, but then I can try another chances at happiness that I know I will fail at in this life. Then again, I could be the same person as I am now. ::sighs:: Such a pessimist I am, even when I dream for the future.
Life calls and shatters reality again.
Hmmmm.
Since dreams are the closest I have been to happiness and the thing that depresses me most, is waking up.... realizing that my happiness is also just a dream. Perhaps I can elude myself by just sleeping forever and never waking up. Dreaming forever. The closest I will ever be..............
aluve'
As hard as this is, it is a wish. A wish to be fully alone. So that no one else can know or feel my pain or sorrow. I don't want to burden anyone else. To be forgotten and left to the shadows. Unseen and unknown; uncared for.
For me happiness is an illusion. Always tempting me to grasp it or run after it, yet never being close to my fingers or fast to catch it. Always chasing something that was never mine to begin with.
Dreams flood my mind these days. All I can say is saddness; strong feelings of saddness is all I am left with when I awake. Leaving only a hole in my stomach. I just want it to end. My dreams leaving me cold and alone, everyday. For it's always showing me the happiness I can never seem to attain.
If I live for another 20 years, I want to be like the phoenix and start anew. I mean really start anew and not just changing my own actions and such, but fully destroying myself and coming back. Perhaps it is a far fetched idea, but then I can try another chances at happiness that I know I will fail at in this life. Then again, I could be the same person as I am now. ::sighs:: Such a pessimist I am, even when I dream for the future.
Life calls and shatters reality again.
Hmmmm.
Since dreams are the closest I have been to happiness and the thing that depresses me most, is waking up.... realizing that my happiness is also just a dream. Perhaps I can elude myself by just sleeping forever and never waking up. Dreaming forever. The closest I will ever be..............
aluve'