herro
on friday i had my interview with the district manager to become a shift supervisor at starbucks. i did really well and i got the promotion! its good too because typically people are supposed to be there 6 months before being considered for it, and i've only been there 3 months. my pay is going from $7.75 to $9.50. i also just got my health benefits information so i'm happy about that too. i didn't think i would like working at starbucks so much but i do.
what else. so um, i've been coming out of the closet since the summer. first person i told was the clinical director at damon house, then i told nikki (who is of lesbian descent) .. pretty much my friends know and my coworkers know. i haven't told my family yet. i know they won't have a problem with it, i just haven't told them yet.. this is also the reason i was getting high. heroin was very good at making me escape and not having to feel anything. for that reason i feel as though i'm not an addict in the disease sense of the word.. i don't go to NA meetings anymore. since i've been coming to terms with it i've been so much happier and don't feel the need to get high at all.
definitely the best decision i could have made. if i didn't, i probably wouldn't have stayed clean for much longer, would have fucked up drug court, and would be heading for my prison bid.
right now i'm talking to a guy named danny. we met in a kind of fucked up way. i had started hanging out with this kid named erick. i knew erick was seeing somebody else, but it was whatever because apparently they weren't in a relationship. one day i'm at erick's dorm and danny shows up. and erick knew danny was coming over. so i'm there like wtf is even going on? very awkward situation. but i actually ended up liking danny a whole lot more. so i was like fuck erick, and i messaged danny on facebook and he pretty much rejected me. a few days later danny messages me again asking to hang out. soo i was pretty happy about that. the only thing is though that there's no real relationship potential with danny. he's really really in the closet. he has a son, i guess he's bi, i don't know. it sucks because he's my type- straight acting, puerto rican.. and thats really hard to find. he's just so like.. cautious and nervous and shit. i guess i'll see what happens.
i've really been thinking about going back to school lately. its always been like "yeah, i plan to go back to school eventually" with no actual plans to do so. and now that i've been clean and my life is somewhat pulling itself back together its like.. i want to go back. over the summer i thought a lot about learning a trade, and thats still an option, but lately i've really just been considering going to college. i don't even know why. i still have no idea what i would study. i think a part of it is if i hadn't fucked my life up i would be graduating this semester. definitely a lot of regret. i kinda feel inferior to people my age who actually are learning and doing something with their life. i know their lives won't be perfect after they graduate, but i just want that for myself i think. the other thing is i'm just a lazy fucking person, especially when it comes to school. and i know thats something that can be changed, and it will be a lot easier without the drugs there to impede me, but what if once i start school i just go back into that same old routine of not wanting to get up for class.. procrastinating like fuck with homework and papers (i don't even want to think about papers.) and then it just totally defeats the purpose. because i wouldn't be going back to school for the "college experience" .. of like dorming and partying and all that.. first of all it would definitely start out as community college (which also sucks because i feel so above that) .. its supposed to be for me, my education, and ultimately my future. so even though i don't know what i want to study, i'm tentatively planning to go back to school in the fall. altho i'm lazy, i do know when i put my mind to something i can do it. there's no point in selling myself short. i'm capable of anything and determined when i want to be. so i hope i really want this.
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UPDATE
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maybe i shouldn't go back to school. based solely on the fact that i've had my health benefits information that i need to sign up for for about 3 days and haven't made the effort to do so yet. the deadline is feb 1st. atleast i opened the envelope and looked it over? but i say all that to say i am definitely still a procrastinator and it worries me. and after writing this i could do it right now before work, but i won't. ACTUALLY I WILL. I WILL GET OFF MY BED TO GRAB THE ENVELOPE AND DO IT.
what else. so um, i've been coming out of the closet since the summer. first person i told was the clinical director at damon house, then i told nikki (who is of lesbian descent) .. pretty much my friends know and my coworkers know. i haven't told my family yet. i know they won't have a problem with it, i just haven't told them yet.. this is also the reason i was getting high. heroin was very good at making me escape and not having to feel anything. for that reason i feel as though i'm not an addict in the disease sense of the word.. i don't go to NA meetings anymore. since i've been coming to terms with it i've been so much happier and don't feel the need to get high at all.
definitely the best decision i could have made. if i didn't, i probably wouldn't have stayed clean for much longer, would have fucked up drug court, and would be heading for my prison bid.
right now i'm talking to a guy named danny. we met in a kind of fucked up way. i had started hanging out with this kid named erick. i knew erick was seeing somebody else, but it was whatever because apparently they weren't in a relationship. one day i'm at erick's dorm and danny shows up. and erick knew danny was coming over. so i'm there like wtf is even going on? very awkward situation. but i actually ended up liking danny a whole lot more. so i was like fuck erick, and i messaged danny on facebook and he pretty much rejected me. a few days later danny messages me again asking to hang out. soo i was pretty happy about that. the only thing is though that there's no real relationship potential with danny. he's really really in the closet. he has a son, i guess he's bi, i don't know. it sucks because he's my type- straight acting, puerto rican.. and thats really hard to find. he's just so like.. cautious and nervous and shit. i guess i'll see what happens.
i've really been thinking about going back to school lately. its always been like "yeah, i plan to go back to school eventually" with no actual plans to do so. and now that i've been clean and my life is somewhat pulling itself back together its like.. i want to go back. over the summer i thought a lot about learning a trade, and thats still an option, but lately i've really just been considering going to college. i don't even know why. i still have no idea what i would study. i think a part of it is if i hadn't fucked my life up i would be graduating this semester. definitely a lot of regret. i kinda feel inferior to people my age who actually are learning and doing something with their life. i know their lives won't be perfect after they graduate, but i just want that for myself i think. the other thing is i'm just a lazy fucking person, especially when it comes to school. and i know thats something that can be changed, and it will be a lot easier without the drugs there to impede me, but what if once i start school i just go back into that same old routine of not wanting to get up for class.. procrastinating like fuck with homework and papers (i don't even want to think about papers.) and then it just totally defeats the purpose. because i wouldn't be going back to school for the "college experience" .. of like dorming and partying and all that.. first of all it would definitely start out as community college (which also sucks because i feel so above that) .. its supposed to be for me, my education, and ultimately my future. so even though i don't know what i want to study, i'm tentatively planning to go back to school in the fall. altho i'm lazy, i do know when i put my mind to something i can do it. there's no point in selling myself short. i'm capable of anything and determined when i want to be. so i hope i really want this.
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UPDATE
---
maybe i shouldn't go back to school. based solely on the fact that i've had my health benefits information that i need to sign up for for about 3 days and haven't made the effort to do so yet. the deadline is feb 1st. atleast i opened the envelope and looked it over? but i say all that to say i am definitely still a procrastinator and it worries me. and after writing this i could do it right now before work, but i won't. ACTUALLY I WILL. I WILL GET OFF MY BED TO GRAB THE ENVELOPE AND DO IT.