(no subject)
i am not really sure what i do from here. i know i have to do the usual things i've said i needed to do for the past 6 years on here. this is so stupid. why wont i just already go ahead and do them. in other news the last way of contacting her, has been cut off. so now what do i do. i need to realize, i cant force her to talk or listen to me. i wish i could get angry about it, but i just wind up being sad. she said she'd call me, but i don't know if she ever will, and i can't make her but i wish i could. i just lost the one thing that has kept me going for the past four years, well i guess i didnt just lose it but lost it a couple of months ago. and in that time, i havent done anything. i really need to change my life, sitting around day in day out in front of the computer and tv won't make me happy. i don't know what will make me happy but it isnt that. i see people who know what they want to do and/or have talent and it makes me miserable. i need to find something i love, and i have to realize i don't actually love watching tv all day. i do it because i am too afraid to do anything else. i need to realize i am not old, i can still do something with my life. no matter how helpless i convince myself i am. i just wish things could have been different.