(no subject)
it really seems that my brain constantly loops the same few ideas and thoughts. maybe thats why i am writing things down here now, if i get them out maybe i'll stop thinking about it. i need to take responsability for who i am. th reason why i am this way is me. big break through i know, but it's a start. and somebody else isn't going to make enjoy myself. i can list things i need to do but that shit will not work. fuck the computer is part of my problem, well the majority of it, i've lived my life in front of it, and it sucks. i can say i am done with it, but lord knows i'll spend most of tommorow in front of it, and what isnt in front of the computer will be in front of the tv. this really isn't living but i know no alternative, thats kind of pathetic, well its more than kind of, its flat out pathetic, theres things i need to say but i have no where to put them, but if its just going on in my head it doesnt seem real, not that writing anything down here makes it real, because thats just plain stupid if i thought that. i've just spent a lot of my time, trying not to think, because then i dont have to admit whats going on around me. and i dont see how i can keep hiding in tv shows i download, (which is easy to say now that i have finished the 3rd season of dr who) but i will...and i know come monday i'll be watching heroes. i just dont see why i need escapism, i really have nothing to escape from, i've made myself this way, and now at what point do i actually change it, if i ever do. i've kind of just watched the shitstorm that is my life snowball, at some point i have to do something about it. and if its not now, it wont be ever