(no subject)
oh to feel 18 again. i've been miserable plenty of times in my life but this so far is the worst. i've never actually waited for someone to call me like this before, which each day its getting easier to accept that you probably wont call i guess. i can deal with the fact of all this, i can understand it perfectly fine. i just cant deal with being cut out so totally. maybe some good will come out of it..i very sincerely doubt it, but i need to change..a hell of a lot of things, and i've changed the root problem but its too late for that...i need to start getting out of the house again...i need something to take my mind off of it and booze isn't the way to go and neither is anything thing else that will fuck me up. when i was 18 i used to make numbered lists of things i needed to do. if i knew then, what was on that list now, i'd be ashamed of me.
(1. {i dont know want go and renumber everything} give her space) 1. get a job 2. go back to school 3. figure out how the hell to get out of debt. 4. move out of my moms house 5. start taking care of myself 6. no more getting wasted 7. get in shape 8. realize no matter how much i kid myself i will never fucking grow a real beard
(1. {i dont know want go and renumber everything} give her space) 1. get a job 2. go back to school 3. figure out how the hell to get out of debt. 4. move out of my moms house 5. start taking care of myself 6. no more getting wasted 7. get in shape 8. realize no matter how much i kid myself i will never fucking grow a real beard