Just one fine day, all alone in Ops Room..
It has been a long long while i took a book to read in its entirety, and the SDO brought along this book "Norwegian Wood" by Haruki Murakami. 2 hours of solitude, the radio playing softly and total immersion in a sad sad book, with heady feelings of youth.. I can understand some of the emotional undercurrents in the book - everyone has one of the blue days where all your emotions come in in a moment and when you stare out of a window into the clear blue sky and all your memories come back.. where what you love slips out of your grasp, and where sometimes death is all about you - in your mind, your family, and the sudden urge to run away.. all alone. and where you want to remember something in your past, something that impacted you really hard then, but now, its "like shadows lengthening at dusk... a hollow sound that echoes with each kick."
I always struggled with myself and this public image i have to put up - my good female friend once said that i was a "nice guy, but a geek." That crushed me - what i was was NOT right! She was being helpful and constructive, so kudos to her, but sometimes in the midst of change to be accepted, i feel that i am losing what makes me me - this bookworm and net boy. Totally unhealthy, but thats what i grew up as. and even then, i know some ppl wouldnt want to work or hang around me, and thats cos of my lack of? ability and personality.. its just makes me wonder - just what is wrong with me? all my life i have been struggling against this invisible web, that seems to just slow me down; a case of bad karma? everything goes wrong at the most inopportune moment. anything good that comes away just gets taken away painfully later.. as with the case last year. I fear for everything i have.. God? Stop kidding me.
Just let this single application work. Please. I cannot take any more of this. Please dont make me any more lonely than necessary...
I always struggled with myself and this public image i have to put up - my good female friend once said that i was a "nice guy, but a geek." That crushed me - what i was was NOT right! She was being helpful and constructive, so kudos to her, but sometimes in the midst of change to be accepted, i feel that i am losing what makes me me - this bookworm and net boy. Totally unhealthy, but thats what i grew up as. and even then, i know some ppl wouldnt want to work or hang around me, and thats cos of my lack of? ability and personality.. its just makes me wonder - just what is wrong with me? all my life i have been struggling against this invisible web, that seems to just slow me down; a case of bad karma? everything goes wrong at the most inopportune moment. anything good that comes away just gets taken away painfully later.. as with the case last year. I fear for everything i have.. God? Stop kidding me.
Just let this single application work. Please. I cannot take any more of this. Please dont make me any more lonely than necessary...