Come back to me
Tax law assignment handed in. This means I am free... till I actually get started on my other psychology essay. But that's due after the break so knowing me, I'll be taking the next couple of days off (at least).
When I was walking home tonight Layla came rushing up to say hello. I think she recognises my silhouette because it's usually quite dark by the time I see her most days. I recognise her as the little shadow that bounces up to me on the pathway. There was another cat with her, a tabby that I've seen quite a few times in our garden but who never sticks around when he sees us. (We think his name's Oscar.) Oscar went and sat in the middle of the road rather than have anything to do with me, while Layla solicited my attentions.
I do love Layla. Oscar kind of gave her a look when I was walking away and she curled her tail around her toes and just looked back at him. I left them to their silent disagreement at that point.
One thing I hate about being so busy most days is that I rarely get to spend much time with Basil nowadays. When I leave in the mornings he's usually snuggled up next to my sister on the couch, or asleep in his bed if I have to go extra early for work. When I come home it's usually when everyone else has gotten back, so he's more excited about the big dogs (my parents) being home. Or I get home late and everyone's gone to bed (including Basil) so I miss out anyway.
He usually only comes to sit with me if there's no one else around (my chair's not as nice as the couch where he can stretch out). So nowadays late at night when the rest of the family's gone to bed I move over to the couch in order to entice him to sit with me.
I remember studying for exams late at night, and he'd be in his bed keeping me company while everyone else slept. When J was here we used to sit together and Basil would take the opportunity to snuggle up (if not just sit draped over the pair of us). He's old and has white hairs on his snout and it takes him longer to get out of bed since he has to stretch before getting started. He has a cataract developing and you can tell he can't see as well as he used to - he barks when he's startled, which is happening more often nowadays, and he still has to come up close and sniff you before being certain of who you are.
I love him. I can see him getting older and my heart hurts a little. I want to spend more time with him.
In other news, I've passed the point I reached with the first attempt at P365 (about 120ish photos). I want to take a night to wander around the city with my tripod and take some more photos. Even a day or so, but I want to play with night photography a bit more. With the midsemester break I may do it a couple of nights.
My family's going to be going to Canberra for a couple of days for interviews my sister has coming up. I can't go because of work and the essay that'll be due immediately after the break.
My mum's been offered a job after a successful interview. She didn't really go in wanting it, just did it because she could.
Whereas I have struck out - a perfect score of 3 for 3. I'm not really upset. Just means I'll have to go polish up my CV and rethink what I can do to be more attractive as an employee. So, yeah, good times. It just highlights the disappointment, seeing what they've been doing. My dad's always been ambitious - has more qualifications than any one person really needs. My sister and mum aren't ambitious as such, but they're intelligent and that gets them what they want. My sister's more theory-intelligent (she always does well in exams), my mum's more practical-intelligent.
Me? I don't know. I just like messing around with sketches and cameras and coffee and LJ and not doing much of anything in particular. I really just need a moment to stop everything and think about what I want to do and can do, but I don't really want to do that because it could mean I find everything I've done so far to be just a grand delusion and I have to start over.
Also, stopping and thinking means coming to a decision and choosing a path and facing the consequences of that path rather than just floating passively and refusing to really have an opinion on anything.
Everything's grey after June 2008. I'd rather focus on getting through these last two semesters but a part of me feels I should make decisions now so I know what comes next. I've spent the last 6 years or so having at least a vague plan. The prospect of an end is vaguely frightening. Indecision was meant to be killed off by doing my VCE and figuring out what uni course to do! That belief feels like the only thing that got me through VCE sometimes.
So many times has that been proved a lie.
So I do what I always do and choose not to think about anything in particular while the worry eats away at me in the quiet moments.
When I was walking home tonight Layla came rushing up to say hello. I think she recognises my silhouette because it's usually quite dark by the time I see her most days. I recognise her as the little shadow that bounces up to me on the pathway. There was another cat with her, a tabby that I've seen quite a few times in our garden but who never sticks around when he sees us. (We think his name's Oscar.) Oscar went and sat in the middle of the road rather than have anything to do with me, while Layla solicited my attentions.
I do love Layla. Oscar kind of gave her a look when I was walking away and she curled her tail around her toes and just looked back at him. I left them to their silent disagreement at that point.
One thing I hate about being so busy most days is that I rarely get to spend much time with Basil nowadays. When I leave in the mornings he's usually snuggled up next to my sister on the couch, or asleep in his bed if I have to go extra early for work. When I come home it's usually when everyone else has gotten back, so he's more excited about the big dogs (my parents) being home. Or I get home late and everyone's gone to bed (including Basil) so I miss out anyway.
He usually only comes to sit with me if there's no one else around (my chair's not as nice as the couch where he can stretch out). So nowadays late at night when the rest of the family's gone to bed I move over to the couch in order to entice him to sit with me.
I remember studying for exams late at night, and he'd be in his bed keeping me company while everyone else slept. When J was here we used to sit together and Basil would take the opportunity to snuggle up (if not just sit draped over the pair of us). He's old and has white hairs on his snout and it takes him longer to get out of bed since he has to stretch before getting started. He has a cataract developing and you can tell he can't see as well as he used to - he barks when he's startled, which is happening more often nowadays, and he still has to come up close and sniff you before being certain of who you are.
I love him. I can see him getting older and my heart hurts a little. I want to spend more time with him.
In other news, I've passed the point I reached with the first attempt at P365 (about 120ish photos). I want to take a night to wander around the city with my tripod and take some more photos. Even a day or so, but I want to play with night photography a bit more. With the midsemester break I may do it a couple of nights.
My family's going to be going to Canberra for a couple of days for interviews my sister has coming up. I can't go because of work and the essay that'll be due immediately after the break.
My mum's been offered a job after a successful interview. She didn't really go in wanting it, just did it because she could.
Whereas I have struck out - a perfect score of 3 for 3. I'm not really upset. Just means I'll have to go polish up my CV and rethink what I can do to be more attractive as an employee. So, yeah, good times. It just highlights the disappointment, seeing what they've been doing. My dad's always been ambitious - has more qualifications than any one person really needs. My sister and mum aren't ambitious as such, but they're intelligent and that gets them what they want. My sister's more theory-intelligent (she always does well in exams), my mum's more practical-intelligent.
Me? I don't know. I just like messing around with sketches and cameras and coffee and LJ and not doing much of anything in particular. I really just need a moment to stop everything and think about what I want to do and can do, but I don't really want to do that because it could mean I find everything I've done so far to be just a grand delusion and I have to start over.
Also, stopping and thinking means coming to a decision and choosing a path and facing the consequences of that path rather than just floating passively and refusing to really have an opinion on anything.
Everything's grey after June 2008. I'd rather focus on getting through these last two semesters but a part of me feels I should make decisions now so I know what comes next. I've spent the last 6 years or so having at least a vague plan. The prospect of an end is vaguely frightening. Indecision was meant to be killed off by doing my VCE and figuring out what uni course to do! That belief feels like the only thing that got me through VCE sometimes.
So many times has that been proved a lie.
So I do what I always do and choose not to think about anything in particular while the worry eats away at me in the quiet moments.