I was more busy than a dyke in a hardware store...
I have bad luck with women
Its all my fault
When a women says those three special words it changes the relationship,
Those words are…..
I have gas
Some say I look like fat Jesus
Not phat Jesus
A hooker does not like to snuggle after sex
Kissing me is like making out with a welcome mat
When I leave the house me mom tells me to call her in case of something good happening
Have you ever been so drunk were you pissed the bed, not necessarily sleeping in it just standing over it and pissing on it.
When I make out with a woman I whisper into her ear “will you touch my vagina?” then she looks at me and says “WHAT!?” and I say “that’s what your supposed to ask”.
I want to be a racecar passenger…
You know the guy who sits next to the driver bugging him
And saying “I have to go to the bathroom, why are we going so fast lets slow down, when can we turn right, wow you must like Tide”
One time I took some LSD and I saw a snake in the back yard…so I grabbed a shovel and killed it, I didn’t have cable for a week.
One time I took some shrooms, and I went to the park
I deiced to take off my shoes and frolic through the grass,
And the trees and flowers were talking to me telling me I was safe and I will be ok, and they will watch my shoes…
One time I drank a bottle of Windex, my pee was blue and smelled like ammonia
One time I drank a bottle of dish soap…when I farted a brown bubble came out
I was driving on the highway and a sign said "left lane closed" soi went somewere else.
If you just read this you just wasted approximately 3 minutes of your life
Its all my fault
When a women says those three special words it changes the relationship,
Those words are…..
I have gas
Some say I look like fat Jesus
Not phat Jesus
A hooker does not like to snuggle after sex
Kissing me is like making out with a welcome mat
When I leave the house me mom tells me to call her in case of something good happening
Have you ever been so drunk were you pissed the bed, not necessarily sleeping in it just standing over it and pissing on it.
When I make out with a woman I whisper into her ear “will you touch my vagina?” then she looks at me and says “WHAT!?” and I say “that’s what your supposed to ask”.
I want to be a racecar passenger…
You know the guy who sits next to the driver bugging him
And saying “I have to go to the bathroom, why are we going so fast lets slow down, when can we turn right, wow you must like Tide”
One time I took some LSD and I saw a snake in the back yard…so I grabbed a shovel and killed it, I didn’t have cable for a week.
One time I took some shrooms, and I went to the park
I deiced to take off my shoes and frolic through the grass,
And the trees and flowers were talking to me telling me I was safe and I will be ok, and they will watch my shoes…
One time I drank a bottle of Windex, my pee was blue and smelled like ammonia
One time I drank a bottle of dish soap…when I farted a brown bubble came out
I was driving on the highway and a sign said "left lane closed" soi went somewere else.
If you just read this you just wasted approximately 3 minutes of your life