Working For the Weekend
Well, yesterday I had the doctors. Went up one pound to 87. I feel sick about it, when I should be proud of myself for doing something despite my cicumstances. I feel depressed and lonely, and kind of wish I trusted my friends enough to tell them. I don't trust them right now, or anyone besides my mom for that matter.
I still hate food, even though I'm trying to find that balance between stuffing my face like I used to, and starving myself 'cause everyone tells me I shouldn't. I don't mind that starving option most of the time, we'll say 99% but right now I have to remeber to play the game of life, and remind myself I will never be that fat again, becuase I know better than that. I like being this weight. Yeah sure the colds a biznotch but i feel....kinda pretty. Maybe, hopefully since I didn't notice I gained a pound, I won't notice the other ones either and retain this pretty feeling I've finally gotten. *crosses fingers*
I want my mom to be happier, and for some reason she would be happy to see me at a "healthy weight". and I love my mom far more than I've ever loved myself.
Got an A- on my global project and Dr. McDuffie said I was a a talanted writer. Also got a 106% on a bio quiz, not bad right? So far school is okay. Just keep trudging along and doing my work. Can't fail if I'm doing the work and in class right? Watched SuperSize me in health, really great movie.
Literally this week i'm "wroking for the weekend". For some rest, and my sandwhich. I won't be able to actually eat it until 10:30 at night but I will have it and it will be amazing. Like it always is. Pathetic eh? My one restiution is a sandwhich once a week I don't think this is insane, but pathetic yes.
I still hate food, even though I'm trying to find that balance between stuffing my face like I used to, and starving myself 'cause everyone tells me I shouldn't. I don't mind that starving option most of the time, we'll say 99% but right now I have to remeber to play the game of life, and remind myself I will never be that fat again, becuase I know better than that. I like being this weight. Yeah sure the colds a biznotch but i feel....kinda pretty. Maybe, hopefully since I didn't notice I gained a pound, I won't notice the other ones either and retain this pretty feeling I've finally gotten. *crosses fingers*
I want my mom to be happier, and for some reason she would be happy to see me at a "healthy weight". and I love my mom far more than I've ever loved myself.
Got an A- on my global project and Dr. McDuffie said I was a a talanted writer. Also got a 106% on a bio quiz, not bad right? So far school is okay. Just keep trudging along and doing my work. Can't fail if I'm doing the work and in class right? Watched SuperSize me in health, really great movie.
Literally this week i'm "wroking for the weekend". For some rest, and my sandwhich. I won't be able to actually eat it until 10:30 at night but I will have it and it will be amazing. Like it always is. Pathetic eh? My one restiution is a sandwhich once a week I don't think this is insane, but pathetic yes.