His name is Belial
Jenny: I'm sitting in the chair, writhing in agony. A demon, a minor demon, is pinning me there, fucking with my head. 'Abraxas', he says, 'I'm
Abraxas, the demon of lies and deceit'.AbraxasSo, what do you want to know about lies, my dear?Jenny: I'm not a liar, I try again to get up. This time I'm flayed, splayed. I feel myself screaming.
Abraxas: I'll tell you about lies. There are white lies and black lies, and many shades of grey lies. Some lies are justified. Lies told out of kindness, lies that preserve dignity, lies that spare pain... Everybody's a liar, dear.
(The L Word, Lies, Lies, Lies)
Abraxas isn't really the demon of lies, but it got me thinking.
We are all liars, I've known this for ages, I've just been thinking about it alot lately. I met a guy on Christmas, he's told me he loves me.
I didn't know what to say I mean I do like him-alot he's sensitive, not a push over but he seems emotionaly smart and for once I don't feel i'm lying to myself. I just, didn't know how to react, he doesn't like liars.
I nearly told him (when he mentioned his dislike) that we're all liars, white lies, black lies, grey lies.
I went with a white lie,
"I'm in love with you"
"I'm in love with you too."
I know so much about him, he's told me so much, I've seen so much but he knows little about me. He's anthusiastic, he's wounderful. But he's also delirious.
Lies, lies, lies,
I hate Belial, I honestly do I avoid him when I can but sometimes there's a need for the demon of lies. We've had sex, that's not the point, sex is not the same thing as love. It's not.
I am weary, I am fearful, I am pretty sure that I can indeed trust him. My first instinct with people is rarely wrong, it's when I give them chances anyway dispite my preceptions that things go wrong.
And yet, I am gaurded, I know he feels this, but I move along with it.
Joey's here, and again I find myself walking along side by side with Belial.
I remember being little, and how lies were condemed. How I used to implore "I am not a liar"
Now it's "I don't like to lie," or "I won't lie."
i can lie, everybody lies--anyone that says that they are not ones are in principle lying to themselves.
The thing with lies is, it's all prespective isn't it? Someone tells a story, that they believe is the truth, is only their version of the truth. It's what they know, or think they know. Even with two, or three sides of the story the truth is somewhere inbetween all the mess. We're all just here to sit, and try to find what ever version we can bare, and which ever version suits us best, whatever is closest to the truth even if it is just for the time.
I am..
Belial.