you just don't get it

[lolita_couture]

I thought you were different, and I thought that you wouldn't look at me like that.
I thought you wouldn't talk to me in a way that made me feel guilty.
I wish you would understand that I wanted to go, but I can't because I have to wait for that fucking food to get here. I wish you would WAIT.
I waited so fucking long for you I'm sure that a half hour wouldn't kill you.
But you wouldn't wait because you'll want to eat as soon as it gets here...
that's why you won't wait, that's why you won't let yourself see what I want because you are too blinded by your own desires.

I hate this house.
It's gloomy and dirty and gross.
Nothing of mine is here.
I have a bag that is always half-ass packed,
because I am always rushed...
it never has everything I need and I am always just 'making-do,' but I bought those things so I wouldn't have to go without.
I was tired of moving around about 8 years ago...
I'm still tired of it.
I want my shit.
I want a warm house.
I want my clothes, my lotion, my facewash...
Is that stupid?
I want to go home, but now I have to wait because of that fucking food that I can't even eat....
because all I'll see when I look at it is how you looked at me when I said I wanted it.
I don't look at you like that.
I am my own person and I make my own decisions...
but I consider others before I do whatever it is I want...
because sometimes making someone else happy is better than making yourself happy.

I wanted to run, but now I'm stuck here.