control, control, control.
Sometimes I suddenly become extremely aware of my actual physical self and realize how much smaller I am than the rest of the people arond, yet how I act so tough. It makes me feel extremely weak, and defenseless and those two feelings are the things I hate most. They are the feelings I try to avoid as much as possible, yet they are the feelings I struggle with most as well. The more I try to avoid something, the more it comes towards me.
The other day I hopped into the shower. I just stood there for a couple minutes and realized that the distance between me, my physical self, and the floor are not too far apart and that everyone else I know probably feels bigger and more superior than I did at that moment. I felt tiny and weak. So vulnerable. I don't know why someone would be so offended to being so close to the ground they're stepping on. There's gotta be something behind that. But I've never felt so vulnerable in my life.
Right now I'm laying in bed back home in Michigan and for a second, I had that same feeling. I'm laying on my back, and realize... Hey, my feet are not that far out of my reach. And all of a sudden, my brain shrinks me down to crumb-size and makes me feel like everything else around me is in control and that I have no say in anything.
I know I'm a little bit of a control freak, but I don't think anyone could possibly ever understand this feeling that I'm talking about because obviously I can't even describe it properly.
I just feel very small in this big, huge world. I'm starting to realize I really don't have control over the things I thought I had control over. The thought of that is just absolutely terrifying.
The other day I hopped into the shower. I just stood there for a couple minutes and realized that the distance between me, my physical self, and the floor are not too far apart and that everyone else I know probably feels bigger and more superior than I did at that moment. I felt tiny and weak. So vulnerable. I don't know why someone would be so offended to being so close to the ground they're stepping on. There's gotta be something behind that. But I've never felt so vulnerable in my life.
Right now I'm laying in bed back home in Michigan and for a second, I had that same feeling. I'm laying on my back, and realize... Hey, my feet are not that far out of my reach. And all of a sudden, my brain shrinks me down to crumb-size and makes me feel like everything else around me is in control and that I have no say in anything.
I know I'm a little bit of a control freak, but I don't think anyone could possibly ever understand this feeling that I'm talking about because obviously I can't even describe it properly.
I just feel very small in this big, huge world. I'm starting to realize I really don't have control over the things I thought I had control over. The thought of that is just absolutely terrifying.