(no subject)
soooo school is finally outt. joy. one year left! kinda sad yet exciting? i dunno, being a senior is kind of freaky but not really. just everything about college i guess. i really need to fix this journal thingy, and maybe start using it again like i said i would. lol so whats been happening since my last entry..
we got out of school. im going to really miss the seniors. trying to hang out wit most of them during the summer and stuff but havent really done anything yet. also trying to find a job. not very fun job hunting XD
lets see.. sarah and logan broke up. drumline is going to be incredibly interesting. rudy left and is being replaced my jack mizutani, crazy azn instructor from woodbridge that teaches and is prob insanely good. not sure whats in-store for my senior year. ive been kind of emo lately i guess over stupid little things. i dont have a car yet. mom is smoking. girls are stupidd. (except for nili =]) i wanna date or jus do something but not totally sure. high school is stupid. i wanna get out. at the same time, i dont. college will b better tho right? that is, if i get into a college. very VERY slim chances of that. i realize i dont have a very high self-esteem. im also kind of critical of everything. especially myself. and i guess people. i dont know. i just wish things weren't sooo complicated. it b okk if they were so complicated. just not sooo. ya know? i feel like im not going to be going anywhere. and end up like my dad. yuck. i just want to get thru life i guess. at the moment, id like to feel better about myself and my surroundings i guess. my mom isnt the greatest mom, im happy shes trying to be a mom that wasnt really there for me growing up now, but i think it's a lil too late. i also wish she would at least like acknowledge that she cares about me sometimes. i dont know. shes not really the mom i wish i had i guess. i wish i had parents i could talk to and like maybe even chill with at times. my dad is ok, but i dont see him very much anymore. my mom is trying i guess. she tries too hard tho sometimes. my lil sis is a bitch [period] she needs to get psychiatric help or something. my bro is chill. im not liking ap gov't at the moment or government/politics because i dont really know much about it. im kind of hoping i learn a ton from this class and not totally bomb it. i want a job but at the same time i dont. no one really wants to hire so its like disappointing and annoying at the same time. i think i might get the job at baskin robbins tho. yay? im glad for friends. i dont like losing them. its a really big, issue for me. i feel stupidd for letting go friends when i say i dont like losing them. i really hope i keep in touch with people that are going off to college. mainly like logan, rayho, rinoa, lolo, justin, sharleen, ryan, mitch, and nathan. i dont like me either. like i havent accomplished anything, im not good at anything. i thought i was good at drumline, but im just decent at it i guess. no selfconfidence XP i dont like my study/work habits either. i need to better manage my time. i never get to doing something, i always slack. its badd. and i need to get into shape/be more healthy. i dont like my eating/exercise habits too much. im very confused. whatever. steph, i want us to be friends. i guess nothing is really going to happen between us anymore. but i dont want to totally ignore u, or lose a friend like u. i dont know. im not sure what im supposed to do. i wish we talked more again. wishing is really complicated stuff. dont make too much sense. i dont know. i feel like im going on about nothing. lol. nothingggg. empty. blank. space. im boredd. woow. ok ya i think im done. i cant really put anything out anymore lol. oo so far gone to pool a bunch of times and hung out wit nili and logan, and sarah and stuff. so ya. thats about it. good night. im gonna go for a run i think or workout or something. ya. laterz.