(no subject)
woow. funny how things can change soo fast. one moment everything seems to be going fine and the next it all changes and nothing makes sense once more. life gets you like that i suppose. its just that unpredictable.
school ends in less than 4 weeks. and everything seems to be going really strange. me sarah logan and nili havent gotten to do anything still. and sarah has been really upset. logan came down with mononucleolus (mono) last week and hes been out for a week now. sarah's book says the symptoms last 3-4 weeks, and then they become minimal for 3 months. i read that it persisted for 3 months. i dun like it. its like the seniors have left already kind of. its not the same already and things are beginning to seem like next year already. drumline especially. vince keeps bitching at us about nonsense and hes going to make us stay after school everyday if we dont "shape up" and have EVERYONE, including those not doing drumline next year like ross, griffin, and paul to come to practice because "theyre still enrolled in the activity" damn vince, he needs to take a vacation asap. i know he means well but he fucking needs to cool off. ever since second semester hes been so fricking anal. i hate it as do a lot of other people.
i guess i have to let some things out. i wish.. i was better. i wish i could be even considered for "pit captain" i mean i love kelyn and i guess id like her to do it but id like to know the fact that i exist. everyone just turns to kelyn and is like kelyn u lead or kelyn do this or do that. i did pit because i thought it was something i could do and could be good at. i dont know why im still trying. i need to make my decision of whether to stop or just finish it off. i cant decide. i love doing it but i feel like i shouldnt or that i dont belong or something. i dont know. this entire year i felt like i was always looked down upon by everyone. i felt like i disappointed everyone, especially rudy, and the seniors at times. i dont know. i need to decide soon.
i dont understand why, as soon as things seem to be going well, something comes up and changes everything. i really care about one person but then i feel like i care about another. i thought everything would make sense but now nothing seems to. me and steph seems fine and all, but i think its changed to far to try again. i dont know. i cant like the other person because shes taken, especially by "him". i need to find out. i need to sort my feelings.
the seniors. i cant believe its already over. some for only 3 years, others ive known for a good deal, since middle school and some still since elementary school. its scary and i dont want it to 'end'. i know many ill never see again and some i will stay in touch with and probably lose touch with. then theres like one that i prob will b able to stay in touch wit for a good deal. i dont know. i dont think many of know how much we're going to miss them and how much we've actually learned from them. ive looked up to and admired many of them and i really dont want to have to say "good-bye". i just dont like losing people, even though i know it happens. it just sucks. im not one to let things go easily. i need to get over that i guess. i want to write a longer one, but ill save what i have to say for later. ya, im just confused.
less than 4 weeks and counting..
school ends in less than 4 weeks. and everything seems to be going really strange. me sarah logan and nili havent gotten to do anything still. and sarah has been really upset. logan came down with mononucleolus (mono) last week and hes been out for a week now. sarah's book says the symptoms last 3-4 weeks, and then they become minimal for 3 months. i read that it persisted for 3 months. i dun like it. its like the seniors have left already kind of. its not the same already and things are beginning to seem like next year already. drumline especially. vince keeps bitching at us about nonsense and hes going to make us stay after school everyday if we dont "shape up" and have EVERYONE, including those not doing drumline next year like ross, griffin, and paul to come to practice because "theyre still enrolled in the activity" damn vince, he needs to take a vacation asap. i know he means well but he fucking needs to cool off. ever since second semester hes been so fricking anal. i hate it as do a lot of other people.
i guess i have to let some things out. i wish.. i was better. i wish i could be even considered for "pit captain" i mean i love kelyn and i guess id like her to do it but id like to know the fact that i exist. everyone just turns to kelyn and is like kelyn u lead or kelyn do this or do that. i did pit because i thought it was something i could do and could be good at. i dont know why im still trying. i need to make my decision of whether to stop or just finish it off. i cant decide. i love doing it but i feel like i shouldnt or that i dont belong or something. i dont know. this entire year i felt like i was always looked down upon by everyone. i felt like i disappointed everyone, especially rudy, and the seniors at times. i dont know. i need to decide soon.
i dont understand why, as soon as things seem to be going well, something comes up and changes everything. i really care about one person but then i feel like i care about another. i thought everything would make sense but now nothing seems to. me and steph seems fine and all, but i think its changed to far to try again. i dont know. i cant like the other person because shes taken, especially by "him". i need to find out. i need to sort my feelings.
the seniors. i cant believe its already over. some for only 3 years, others ive known for a good deal, since middle school and some still since elementary school. its scary and i dont want it to 'end'. i know many ill never see again and some i will stay in touch with and probably lose touch with. then theres like one that i prob will b able to stay in touch wit for a good deal. i dont know. i dont think many of know how much we're going to miss them and how much we've actually learned from them. ive looked up to and admired many of them and i really dont want to have to say "good-bye". i just dont like losing people, even though i know it happens. it just sucks. im not one to let things go easily. i need to get over that i guess. i want to write a longer one, but ill save what i have to say for later. ya, im just confused.
less than 4 weeks and counting..