(no subject)

[loislane262]

...so i've been looking all day (since i've been home) at stuff for FtMs. i had the idea in the car to look up "breast binders" on google. and this led to all sorts of things. and lately i've been kind of stewing things. being transgendered is something i've thought about for most of the year. i know for a fact that i'm not ready to do anything about it now, for a lot of reasons - college (though i'd really be interested to see what bryn mawr would do, it's so freaking tempting), parents (who supply the $$$ and as much as i know that i COULD work my way through college, i don't want to unless i have to), and mainly because i want to give myself time to think this all the way through and sort through my feelings. i don't know if there are people who hear about the concept of being transgendered and instantly say, "Yes, of course! My life's problems have instantly been solved! I must immediately let out my inner man/woman/monkey!". If there are, then damn good for them. But for me, in a different culture than i think many trans people come from, i just need to take time.
and so, when i look at pictures and descriptions of double masectomies, and i get this nervous feeling, i say, wait. i look at transmen with flat chests and muscles and sideburns, and i say, be patient. because as much as i'm still not sure, there's a deep part of me that wants it. i'm waiting to see what that deep part is, whether it's just vanity or if it's genuine. i want to be handsome. nice complicated statement that expresses how i feel.

support your local transmen.

also, i'm starving. sushi for lunch tomorrow. w00t.