(no subject)
I'm scared.
I'm scared because I don't understand you.
I don't understand why you love me.
I don't understand your motives.
I'm nervous.
I'm nervous because I think of how easy it would be to misconstrue what you tell me.
I'm nervous because I'm not sure if I can trust you, if I should.
I'm cautious.
I'm cautious because I don't know if you'll change.
I'm cautious because I've never seen love work before except in movies.
I'm cautious because I've only seen people operate with ulterior motives.
Yet despite this. Despite my confusion. I find myself getting closer and closer to giving myself to you. To letting you know everything. Everything I'm thinking- even if it's stupid- everything I'm hoping, I'm doing. I find myself thinking about you more and more, and you know what? I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I don't tell people things. That's not something I do. Yet, I find myself telling you things. WTF. What am I doing? You don't want to know those things, or do you? And I'm so tempted to stop myself because what if you're just being nice? So what, you say you love me. So many people say things they don't mean. I hate that you tell me things in such a cryptic manner yet you focus everything upon me. You claim I deflect questions, yet you do the same. Why is it you want to know so much about me? I'm boring- I want to listen to you. I want to know what you're thinking, always.
I don't know why I'm so emotional all of sudden. I don't understand why I care so much. I shouldn't, should I? I've always trusted in myself. Just me. Now I find that not only do I want to trust in you but I can't trust myself around you. It's entirely frustrating and I don't know how to change it. I don't know what's going to happen to me if I just give in. I can barely put my thoughts into understandable words. I can't think straight. I find myself jumping from one thing to the next- but I keep coming back to something.
I love you.
I don't know how not to, how to stop myself, protect myself and I'm not even sure if I want to but
I love you.
I'm scared because I don't understand you.
I don't understand why you love me.
I don't understand your motives.
I'm nervous.
I'm nervous because I think of how easy it would be to misconstrue what you tell me.
I'm nervous because I'm not sure if I can trust you, if I should.
I'm cautious.
I'm cautious because I don't know if you'll change.
I'm cautious because I've never seen love work before except in movies.
I'm cautious because I've only seen people operate with ulterior motives.
Yet despite this. Despite my confusion. I find myself getting closer and closer to giving myself to you. To letting you know everything. Everything I'm thinking- even if it's stupid- everything I'm hoping, I'm doing. I find myself thinking about you more and more, and you know what? I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I don't tell people things. That's not something I do. Yet, I find myself telling you things. WTF. What am I doing? You don't want to know those things, or do you? And I'm so tempted to stop myself because what if you're just being nice? So what, you say you love me. So many people say things they don't mean. I hate that you tell me things in such a cryptic manner yet you focus everything upon me. You claim I deflect questions, yet you do the same. Why is it you want to know so much about me? I'm boring- I want to listen to you. I want to know what you're thinking, always.
I don't know why I'm so emotional all of sudden. I don't understand why I care so much. I shouldn't, should I? I've always trusted in myself. Just me. Now I find that not only do I want to trust in you but I can't trust myself around you. It's entirely frustrating and I don't know how to change it. I don't know what's going to happen to me if I just give in. I can barely put my thoughts into understandable words. I can't think straight. I find myself jumping from one thing to the next- but I keep coming back to something.
I love you.
I don't know how not to, how to stop myself, protect myself and I'm not even sure if I want to but
I love you.