(no subject)
Something I realized today:
To be honest, I don't have any real friends here. To be honest, I'd all but given up on that particular endeavor. These past several weeks, I have been living alone in a crowd. I don't really understand this college's social setting, or how it works. I talk to people, I share interests with them, I found out their names and where they live, and then... nothing. People just don't seem to come back to me. I've all but stopped trying to make new friends, because it just doesn't seem to work. I've been through this before; I did it for a year at Fordham. What I realized today is that I've become complacent and used to this particular social role, or lack thereof.
Because with social solitude comes a certain freedom, for all its loneliness. You don't have any rules to follow beyond basic social norms and mores, which you'd have to follow anyway if you had any friends. You don't need to find your place in a group, you don't need to worry about how your humor is taken, you don't need to concern yourself with your impression or how your ideas are viewed. These are just a few examples; even the least self-conscious of us worry about at least one of these or any of a number of other qualities of interpersonal relationships at some point. Recently, I've met some people I believe may become my friends, but it's been somewhat difficult pulling myself out of the social funk I've been in for about two months. I also wonder whether these people are here to stay, or if they're just another set of temporary friends. It's difficult to tell. We shall see.
To be honest, I don't have any real friends here. To be honest, I'd all but given up on that particular endeavor. These past several weeks, I have been living alone in a crowd. I don't really understand this college's social setting, or how it works. I talk to people, I share interests with them, I found out their names and where they live, and then... nothing. People just don't seem to come back to me. I've all but stopped trying to make new friends, because it just doesn't seem to work. I've been through this before; I did it for a year at Fordham. What I realized today is that I've become complacent and used to this particular social role, or lack thereof.
Because with social solitude comes a certain freedom, for all its loneliness. You don't have any rules to follow beyond basic social norms and mores, which you'd have to follow anyway if you had any friends. You don't need to find your place in a group, you don't need to worry about how your humor is taken, you don't need to concern yourself with your impression or how your ideas are viewed. These are just a few examples; even the least self-conscious of us worry about at least one of these or any of a number of other qualities of interpersonal relationships at some point. Recently, I've met some people I believe may become my friends, but it's been somewhat difficult pulling myself out of the social funk I've been in for about two months. I also wonder whether these people are here to stay, or if they're just another set of temporary friends. It's difficult to tell. We shall see.