"On the contrary,” Varis said softly. “You’re still my hero."
I use quotes to explain my feelings. I’m not good with the spoken word. When I try to explain how I feel, I always mess it up: I emphasize too much and they think I want more, and I get angry because they aren’t understanding; or I emphasize too little and they think I want less than I do; or I finally make a resolution to work on becoming close again like when we were kids, and lose my chance forever a week later. I can’t use my own eloquence to explain my feelings - it’s not there, I never had it, or I don’t know them enough. But quotes, they enable me to say what I don’t know how. Even though, for the most important conversation I never had, it’s too late. But I’m trying to use my own words, to not lose any more chances. It’s never been easy and the gaps of years of unshared experience and needing to relearn seem unlinkable. But I’m trying. Two years, and all I can do is still use quotes to explain my lost chances and try to find words to say hello.
i disabled comments. it's just some emotion outpour. i know you guys understand. i just...need to get it out.