Oh, and also...

[llandryn]

She doesn't know how to use an ATM machine or a cell phone. She literally--yes, literally--doesn't know how to point-and-click with a mouse; she's terrified of the computer. She wants to know what the weather is back home, so I've got my weatherbug up, set for Prescott, AZ. When the screen is dark all she has to do is jiggle the mouse to activate

Comments

[yvonnenavarro]

Ow. I totally sympathize. I have an 89 year old 3rd cousin living by herself in an apt. in Chicago. For literally years I've listened to the same complaints every day when I call her -- "I hate this place, I have to move, it's too expensive, I hate everyone in the building." It never stops, but she'll never DO anything about it. I've said repeatedly to come here, Wes and I will handle EVERYthing to do with the move and get her situated here where I can take care of her, including her own smaller and easier to care-for place. The response is always "I'll think about it." Over the past year she has lost a lot of mental faculty rather rapidly; now she's bouncing checks because she no longer understands how a checking account works (not that she ever really did), thinks she has the same amount of money she had 25 years ago and that someone stole it. My 2nd cousin drove up from Kentucky about a month ago and straightened out a lot of stuff for her, and now she insists he stole from her and messed everything up. (He didn't; if she would

[yvonnenavarro]

Wow, that sounds awful. At least my mother isn't angry about anything, she's pleasant all the time-- she's just driving me nuts. This business about the computer has been going on for years. She treats a computer like a venomous snake. When I was in Arizona in April/May, I used my laptop a lot. I communicated with relatives who have email, and I communicated with the newspaper regarding the obituary over email. Every time I told my mother I'd send someone email, she asked me if it cost anything. Finally even my brother, who stayed out of it for the most part, couldn't take it any longer, and we answered in unison: no, mom, it doesn't cost anything to send email. Same thing with the cell phones: because of the plans we have, we have plenty of minutes for long distance calls, so there's no reason to use the phone in my mother's house for long distance calls. Try explaining that to her. sheesh.

By the way, I love that icon.

[llandryn]

Ah--I didn't log on before posting this comment and it was screened. Same goes for my reply to the earlier post.

[yvonnenavarro]

I don't think the very elderly, or the completely uncomputerized (there's a thought, eh?) understand the concept of "free" or "online time." Perhaps try telling her that it costs you $19.95 a month (or whatever) and for that amount you can send unlimited emails. And the cell phone costs $xx.xx per month and for that you get unlimited phone calls. She might be able to more easily wrap her head around that.

[cardigirl]

I had no idea it had gotten this bad, lady. My heart goes out to you; I know it has been difficult for a long time but this is going beyond that. Is she truly capable of living on her own any more? Or is someone (you?) going to have to step in for her own health and safety? As bad as my mom was, it was never really bad like this. But yeah: if you haven't been there, I don't think one can readily understand. (Hence the ex's reactions, eh?)

[yvonnenavarro]

Today was even worse. She used an old ATM card to try to get money out of the closed account, then insisted to me that the "girl at the bank" (which would be someone she snagged at some bank in front of which she found an ATM, not any bank at which she ever had an account) told her the card wouldn't work because two different people had tried to use it. This is clearly something she dreamed up. She does not remember agreeing to have the account closed, insists my cousin R. did it behind her back, something obviously untrue since there was no way he could have done that. She swears there's thousands of dollars in the account. I talked to the social worker last month but the woman says she simply isn't bad enough, that no doctor will rule her incompetent at this point. The SW says plenty of elderly people bounce checks for years but that doesn't mean they're incompetent. Today Nora told me something new: she got confused about what was day and what was night, and sat up until 3:30 a.m. At that time, she called Dorothy (don't get

[cardigirl]

Good god, if that isn't the definition of incompetent -- doesn't know night from day -- I don't know what is. I take it cousin R didn't see, while visiting, even worse things? He must have. Because it seems to me that, if this is what's visible from a distance, the daily matters must be that much worse. I remember my old boss's grandmother tried to feed prune juice to the cat... he was yelling at her over the phone, which is how I ever even heard about it.

If she was an alcoholic, you'd do an intervention: everyone who cares about her would show up, sit her down, explain the facts, and do whatever was necessary. Yes, it is traumatic. In this case, it sounds like she needs almost forcible uprooting so she can be watched, attended to and cared for -- because threatening to take poison is also "a danger to herself and others" which would again qualify as not-competent to be alone.

I'm not one to take away a person's freedom and rights, but it sounds to me like it has gone beyond the pale. 'Way beyond.

[yvonnenavarro]

According to the SW, I do not have the legal right to force her to do anything. My cousin R made the comment, and I think he's right, that the only way she's coming out of that apartment is "toes up."

[cardigirl]

Are you and R her only relatives? Then yeah, it is a pickle. Presumably even the "danger to herself and others" qualification would just put her into a mental hospital for 72 hours... or ward of the state.

My strongest sympathies. Having to watch such deterioration while shackled to inactivity...very hard. *hugs*